Kid damages dad's car but refuses to pay to get it fixed, leading to a family dispute when mom sides with son: ‘This is an expensive lesson’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Aug 30, 2024 10:00 AM EDT

When I first got my driver's license, I was terrified of actually taking my mom's car out and driving it myself. I was so sure I was going to cause damage to it, and I simply did not want to get in trouble. And you know what? I was rightfully scared. Because in that first year of driving, I caused so much damage to it, that it was actually embarrassing.

Thankfully, my mom didn't force me to actually pay for all that damage but to be fair, she could, and it would have been understandable. Take what happened in this Reddit story for example. The kid, who is 19 years old and in college, causes severe damage to his dad's car, leading to the car needing to be repainted. The dad, although not really angry, expected the son to pay for the damage, but the son refused, and even got his mom to take his side. Pretty ungrateful behavior if you ask me.

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  • 01
    "This is an expensive lesson"
    via Industrial photograph
  • 02
    AITA: Son damaged my car, doesn't want to fix it, wife agrees with son
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 03
    First, a little backstory. Throwaway because of reasons. I, 46M, have a son, 19M, who attends University in a city about an hour away. I pay his rent, all his tuition, his meals, everything.
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 04
    This summer he almost exclusively used my car. I think I drove it once a month A month ago, he scratched the bumper of the car pulling into the garage. Weeks later he decided
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 05
    he'd do something to fix it. I didn't hound him on it, I left it with him. He apparently googled that rubbing toothpaste would remove the scratches, so he did
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 06
    that. It removed some, but also took the clear coat off. Not a big deal, it's a bumper. That's not the part that I'm here for.
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 07
    The car was dirty, so he decided to wash it in the driveway, instead of going to the coin car wash. Some of the caked on clay on the drivers side from months of use wouldn't come off, so he decided instead of using soap, he'd use the toothpaste.
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 08
    He proceeded to scrub the front quarter panel, drivers side doors (front and back) and the rear quarter panel, with an abrasive toothpaste. After it dried he
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 09
    noticed the swirls, and the fact that he'd sanded the clear coat off. Now, it's an older car (2013), but I've maintained it, and it's mine. I've kept it in perfect condition and I'm the first and only owner.
    via Throwaway-L34
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    So, I was left with an entire driver's side that had swirl marks and looked sanded down. I didn't get angry when I saw it, I was stunned, and I said I just want it fixed, and that I understood it
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 11
    was a mistake. I explained the clear coat had been sanded, and that likely the only way to fix it is to repaint it. He called friends, even called my brother in law, and they all said the same thing:
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 12
    It would need repainting. He called for estimates, and someone said they could buff it out. They tried, he paid, they didn't fix it. Quotes range from 1200 to 2k.
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 13
    I brought it up at dinner, and his logic was: 1. It's not like I drive it every day 2. I could only sell it for maybe 7k, so it's not worth the cost of repainting
    via Throwaway-L34
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    3. He's trying to save money and work within a budget he has for himself Then my wife stepped in. In her words: 1. If it were her car, she wouldn't care (I maintain her car too)
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 15
    | 2. Do I expect our son to pay 2500 dollars to repaint my car? 3. If I caused that damage, would I pay 2500 myself to get it fixed given the value of the car?
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 16
    That last one was said in such an insanely accusatory manner, like I'm unreasonable. Now, look, here's the deal, I'm in therapy. I've got my own problems, so please realize that everything I'm
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 17
    conveying to them is me being very careful and mindful about how I speak to everyone. So please believe me when I say I'm making every effort here to not be negative, and be as factual as I
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 18
    can. I've spoken to my therapist, because this bugged me. She advised me to rescind any driving privileges until it's fixed. I spoke to my sister (the brother in law of
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 19
    mine that my son consulted), and she believes that he better pony up, and it's an expensive mistake, but it's on him.
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 20
    AJFurnival 10h ago INFO: 1) does he have the money to pay you $1200 to $2000? 2) If not on hand, how difficult would it be to pay you over time? 3) does he do stupid like this often?
    via AJFurnival
  • 21
    Throwaway-L34 OP • 10h ago 1. Yes, he worked 39 hours a week, only expense he had was gas all summer 2. It's on hand
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 22
    3. He tries sometimes, but doesn't test his theories or research things before doing them. He has damaged a lot of appliances and a central vac unit by doing things he didn't think through, all of which I replaced.
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 23
    BonesJustice 10h ago Partassipant [1] NTA If you could have sold it for $7k before, it's probably closer to half that now. Expensive lessons are always a bummer, but they tend to stick. This is a lesson in carelessness for your son.
    via BonesJustice
  • 24
    That said, when he first tried the toothpaste on the bumper, did he understand that he damaged the clear coat? That could have been a teachable moment. I'm not suggesting this is in any way your fault, but if you
    via BonesJustice
  • 25
    didn't make a point of explaining where he went wrong with the bumper "repair", let this be a learning experience for you too: people are more likely to repeat mistakes when they don't understand the nature of those mistakes.
    via BonesJustice
  • 26
    • Throwaway-L34 OP 10h ago I don't believe he checked. It was still wet, and looked fine wet. Then he jumped to washing it before it dries. So, before checking the fix, he just started using the toothpaste everywhere.
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 27
    I wasn't aware he was doing this, as I was doing my own chores at the time. He started doing it while I was busy. I found out after the damage was done.
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 28
    BonesJustice Partassipant [1] 9h ago Gotcha. I thought the bumper incident had occurred days or weeks before the side panel. That makes me a bit more sympathetic to your son, but it still doesn't make you an AH. If it were me, I might consider splitting the cost with him, but I wouldn't let him off completely.
    via BonesJustice
  • 29
    Throwaway-L34 OP • 9h ago No, this was a case of "the mud isn't coming off, and I have this toothpaste in my hand, so I'll scrub it off with this".
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 30
    theballsax 9h ago Stop paying his rent and use the money to fix the car. Lesson learned
    via theballsax
  • 31
    Throwaway-L34 OP⚫9h ago To put it in perspective, two months of rent would repair the car.
    via Throwaway-L34
  • 32
    Walrus_of_Infany 10h ago NTA. Paint is not just cosmetic on a car, it will rust out if the paint is compromised. Important lesson that car resale is not always equal to car value to an individual...If it rusts out, you probably would pay more to replace it. Also, toothpaste? Seriously?
    via Walrus_of_Infany

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family drama aita kids cars reddit story parenting dad damage entitled family Reddit mom money college student parents children Father
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