Woman Bravely Breaks Off Her Engagement After Her Fiancé Flips His Values, Demanding She Becomes a Trad Wife and SAHM Against Her Will

Author image for Jesse Kessenheimer
Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Sep 10, 2024 9:00 PM EDT

Engagement is more complicated than a simple wedding band to signify your love. We're not mere penguins on some frozen rock offering our romantic partner a stone in exchange for their enduring partnership for the rest of our lives–humans are far more complex. If only love were so simple, right? 

Well, in the human world, that rock our partner gives us means a lot more than a simple alliance, it signifies the union of two different people with two sets of values, beliefs, and goals for their future. Aside from 'being in love' there are a lot of things to consider when you're forging a future with someone–which is why the woman in our next tale was flabbergasted when the love of her life pulled a 180 on her, turning the tides of their relationship by flipping a switch on his values. 

Suddenly, a man she'd loved for over a decade was obsessed with the idea of her becoming a 'Trad wife' and a stay-at-home mom– something she'd never wanted for her future. So when the ultimatum became impossible to ignore, she decided to return her penguin's stone and move forward in her life solo for fear of becoming trapped by an unaligned future husband's values. 

Keep scrolling for the empowering tale of a lady who made great leaps for her own future by rejecting someone else's demands.

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  • 01
    WIBTAH if I break off my engagement because of his new views about women
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 02
    My (28F) fiancee (34M) and I used to have a great relationship, but for the last year, his political views have become a problem. I mostly bit my tongue about it, but it came to a head when he accused a woman at his job of lying
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 03
    The final straw was when he was telling me (yet again) how women are actually worse than men because we are sneaky and conniving and "at least men will you over to your face". He kept saying
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 04
    that women are far worse people than men, and I just lost it. I said that there was nowhere on earth, not now or ever in recorded history, has the female violent crime rate been higher than the males'. I told him that men kill each other even more than they kill us,
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 05
    so they are a bigger danger to themselves than some girl being "sneaky". I said that blaming women for unfair legislation (like conscription) makes no sense when men make up the majority of the US government (and most, if not all, other governments). He was
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 06
    absolutely furious about all this. He didn't "argue" with me, per se. He just told me that I was brainwashed by the feminist agenda and that feminism lied to me and convinced me I was "special" (I still don't know where that comment came from. It was not relevant to anything). I, admittedly,
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 07
    was very off, and said "well, maybe, patriarchy lied to you about this relationship being special". I threw my ring at the table, left the house, and haven't spoken to him since. Today, he sent me a long text stating how I belittled. him with that comment and
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 08
    that I "would be a good wife if I could just stop needing to be right all the time". I haven't responded, and I'm conflicted about if I will at all. I feel bad about throwing he ring. I really feel bad that I hurt his feelings by saying our relationship isn't special.
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 09
    But still, tbh, I'm seriously questioning if I really want to marry him. He has always been argumentative. Not just with me. With everyone. Normally, I just ignore it, but he was so egregious with his hypocritical BS. I
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 10
    shouldn't have taken the bait, and I don't feel like men are generally bad. I was speaking out of anger. I don't consider myself to be a super political person. I'm not even sure if I count as a feminist. He just has a new complaint about women every freaking day at this point. It's so
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 11
    frustrating. Idk when he became this way, but it 1. There are still things I love about him, but the things he has been saying may be more than I can forgive. Despite all that, I'm still responsible for my intense outburst because I ignored his constant woman-bashing in an effort to keep the peace. I
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 12
    exploded when I could've just spoken up from the start. Maybe if I'd nipped it in the bud right at the start, it could have been better. Idk. I don't know what to do. AITAH? Update Edit: I did a whole update post
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 13
    Update: Hi, again! I'm suprised and overwhelmed by the response my post got. Thanks to everyone who read through all that. And thanks to anyone who reads through all this, too.
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 14
    I told him I wasn't in love with him anymore and called off the engagement. I'm going to a friend's place for a few days, and he's going to nove out of the condo by the 9th.
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 15
    After I left, I went to a hotel. He kept contacting me to ask when I was coming home. I told him I needed time to think and turned off my phone. When I turned it back on, I saw his photo on my lock screen and decided to call him (for reasons that will
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 16
    make sense later). He said he wanted to talk face to face, and I agreed, so I went home. He apologized for implying that I'm not special. I apologized for implying our relationship isn't special. We've been together for 12 years, so saying that was
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 17
    hurtful and untrue. (Before anyone compares the harshness of our statements, his wrongs don't justify my own and vice versa.) {Disclaimer: This post isn't about the validity or ethics of gender roles. This is strictly an account of what happened with no wider
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 18
    social commentary from me} We discussed what we wanted for the future. He wants a "traditional marriage", and specified the following:
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 19
    1. I would quit my job and we'd start trying for a baby right after the wedding 2. I'd be a SAHM until the kids are old enough for primary school
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 20
    3. He wants to protect and provide for our family, and I would be submissive. He assured me that I could still disagree with him and have a say, but he wants to ultimately have the final say in most things.
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 21
    He asked if I understood what he wanted, and I said yes. When he asked me if I still wanted to get married, I told him that I didn't. He has the right to change his mind, but it's not the arrangement we agreed to when he proposed. This post is long
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 22
    enough, so I won't detail how he got into this gender essentialim stuff or why I don't want the type of relationship he's asking for. Suffice to say, we are no longer compatible. He wants to do a "trial run" of his preferred setup "so I can see that it's for the best". I told
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 23
    him that we had a very successful trial run of not doing that for 10 years until he decided to switch things up a few years ago. He was unphased by this.
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 24
    So about the lock screen: He has a small snaggletooth toward the back that he's always been shy about, so he never fully smiles in public. That photo is one of very few pictures where he is showing his real smile and it's beautiful. Seeing that photo used to make me so happy.
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 25
    When I saw it this morning, I just felt sad. I know it sounds dramatic, but it feels like he died and was replaced by some kind of redpilled pod person. When he asked me if I still loved him at all, I told him that I will always love him, but I'm not in love with him anymore. I get that many
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 26
    people had strong feelings about the things he said, and he definitely crossed the line several times, but this is still so hard for me to do. He's the only man I've ever been with and my best friend. I'm relieved that it's over but still sad about how it ended. I accept that he's a different person now, but it's hard not to think of what could have been.
    via Ataraxic-Metanoia
  • 27
    ElehcarTheFirst • 4h ago I'm very proud of you. It's hard to make that change. And you were so honest about how this isn't going to work for you, and yes, he changed things. You had 10 good years and 2 bad ones. Those bad ones outweigh the good. You're going to thrive.
    via ElehcarTheFirst
  • 28
    • _ararana 3h ago As a man, good for you. Sorry your fiancé jumped off the deep end of the crazy pool. "he wants to ultimately have the final say in most things"
    via _ararana
  • 29
    AcanthisittaNo9122 3h ago He wants trial run for you being a SAHM and have a baby? What would he do with the baby when you tell him that the trial run fails? Ask god to undo the baby? Total BS, he just wants to trap you.
    via AcanthisittaNo9122
  • 30
    delinaX 3h ago I just wanna tell you something: You can love people but not like them. I'm proud of you OP.
    via Ataraxic-delinaX
  • 31
    He wants a "traditional marriage" and specified the following: 1. I would quit my job and we'd start trying for a baby right after the wedding 2. I'd be a SAHM until the kids are old enough for primary school 3. He wants to protect and provide for our family and I would be submissive... I could still disagree with him and have a say, but he wants to ultimately have the final say in most things.
    via Ni Luh - Purnamawati from PurMoon via Canva

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females sahm marriage break up woman empowered empowerment Female Empowerment relatable interesting wives wife moms womens memes wedding trad wife story womens female engagement ladies mom married weddings women lady
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