Traditional Husband Claims Wife Is Emasculating Him Even Though He Doesn’t Care to Financially Contribute to the Family, Wife Is Left Confused and Agrees to a Divorce

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Oct 6, 2024 10:00 PM EDT

When you're a lady and the breadwinner in your marriage, especially if your partner has skewed traditional views of gender roles in the home, you might experience some dissonance. In my relationship with my partner, we always try to pay for things equally so we don't have to argue about who is spending more and on what.

When you throw a child into the mix, in addition to a mortgage and other financial priorities, things can get messy, and resentment and contempt can build. Even though some people might disagree, money might be the root of a lot of problems, including divorce.

The woman in this Reddit story has been met with asks for a divorce twice by her husband, both times involving something about money. This time, her husband has decided to stop paying for everything because she is the breadwinner, yet cries emasculation as a result. The husband even refuses to pay for his daughter's tuition (even though the woman has kept up with their mortgage, groceries, etc.) The woman agreed to his plea for a divorce, yet he is still mooching off of her finances whilst barely speaking to her.

Scroll to read the entire story, and additionally, some advice from commenters on her situation.

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  • 01
    Last week I got an invoice for my daughter's school tuition fee, which I've always paid for, but I gave it to my husband to see if he was willing to at least pay something for his daughter. He flipped on me calling me a vile person, a gold digger, and a
    via Mitchell Luo
  • 02
    My (35F) husband (41M) feels emasculated because I'm the breadwinner of the family, but he doesn't want to make any financial contribution to the family. What am I missing here?
    via PomegranateOk9538
  • 03
    Six months ago I posted on reddit for the first time asking redditors if I'm wrong for paying out my mother's mortgage when my husband is still paying for ours, which led him to ask for divorce.
    via PomegranateOk9538
  • 04
    After I posted, I drowned myself in work - mostly to take my mind - off things and opened reddit 3 days after. I honestly didn't expect so many responses and I'm so thankful for each and one of them. Unfortunately, my post got deleted before I could reply
    via PomegranateOk9538
  • 05
    to the comments and thought that reddit wasn't for me, so I didn't bother to repost. However, I'm now at lost and need an outside perspective so here I am and hopefully I'm doing it right this time.
    via PomegranateOk9538
  • 06
    Background from my 1st post: my mother bought an apartment as an investment but couldn't pay the mortgage, so I paid the remaining mortgage which was settled last year. I think my
    via PomegranateOk9538
  • 07
    husband grew resentment since he's still paying for our mortgage. So out of the blue, 6 months ago, he asked for divorce and wanted to bail out from our family.
    via PomegranateOk9538
  • 08
    Many in the comments from the 1st post mentioned that there must be more than abt the mortgage, which is true since this is not the first time that he has asked for divorce. Almost every year throughout our 8yrs of marriage, whenever we have disagreements, he would either ask for a divorce or kick me out of the house because "he's paying for it".
    via PomegranateOk9538
  • 09
    Some also mentioned that it may be because he feels emasculated, which I think is the main reason since I'm the breadwinner of the family and he resents this so much since we live in a patriarchal society. A couple of years ago, we had a
    via PomegranateOk9538
  • 10
    huge fight because he was complaining that I didn't do my housework duty, and it reached a point where he asked for a divorce. Eventually we were mediated by our priest, and he apologized and said the reason for his expectations was because
    via PomegranateOk9538
  • 11
    that's how his family/parents were (typical traditional family where dad is the breadwinner and mom is the housewife). So apparently that is how he thought an ideal family should be.
    via PomegranateOk9538
  • 12
    Anyway, when he asked for divorce again 6 months ago, I've basically had enough and told him that I agree with the divorce and said that he is free to go. Apparently, he hasn't filed for divorce until now and still living in
    via PomegranateOk9538
  • 13
    the house. We sleep in different rooms, we avoid each other like the plague and only communicate about the kids. He has also made me takeover all payments that he had covered for the family before, which are mostly house-related e.g mortgage, electricity and water bills.
    via PomegranateOk9538
  • 14
    Last week I got an invoice for my daughter's school tuition fee, which I've always paid for, but I gave it to my husband to see if he was willing to at least pay something for his daughter. He flipped on me calling me a vile person, a gold digger, and a . He basically called me all the names in the book in front of our daughters.
    via PomegranateOk9538
  • 15
    What am I missing here? Why is he not even willing to provide for his daughter? He now has no financial contribution to the family. Isn't this against his belief of men being the provider of the family? Wouldn't this make him feel more emasculated? I don't understand.
    via PomegranateOk9538
  • 16
    Careful_Candle8... . 1h ago You're missing that he's a loser. If he can't handle that you make more money than him then he doesn't love you, he loves the idea of you. It genuinely shouldn't matter who makes more money as long as everyone is healthy and taken care of. And for him to not contribute jack makes it even worse
    via Careful_Candle8958
  • 17
    trishsf 1h ago . • Don't try to make sense around this. He's unreasonable and he's mad. He has to pay for some. That's actually the law and you don't want to set a precedent where you pay for everything. Consult an attorney and file yourself. This limbo has gone on long enough.
    via trishsf
  • 18
    FatSadHappy · 59m ago . Divorce him, get child support from him, minimize talking to him. It's not your problem how he feels, he passed that point when he first time kicked you out the house (why did you return? )
    via FatSadHappy
  • 19
    hecatonchires266 Late 30s Male • 59m ago You married a weak man who shys away from responsibility. His ego is so bruised from you having money and he doesn't that he feels entitled to call you names in front of your children. Get a lawyer, draw up divorce papers and have the served to him. It's time to end this marriage once and for all.
    via hecatonchires266
  • 20
    After-Distributio... • 59m ago • He doesn't want to be a provider. He wants to punish you. Best thing you can do is properly separate and move on with your life. Expect nothing from this clown and you won't be disappointed
    via After-Distribution69
  • 21
    • Passionfruit1991 46m ago Girl! I hope you'll be very happy when You leave this emotionally immature man. It's like if you don't agree with him and his response reminds me of "you're not my friend anymore", like kids in school. Jeez. You have time
    via Passionfruit1991
  • 22
    to meet someone else. Make sure to get child support and things like that sis sorted. Make bit of dates and times of things you have been paying since and he hasn't.
    via Passionfruit1991

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toxic-boyfriend Dating-Relationships relationship advice toxic husband marriage toxic-husband drama lies relationship-drama reddit story marriage-drama relationships wedding advice relationship feud Reddit toxic relationship other woman dating advice
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