Choosy beggar mom asks for free childcare from stay-at-home sister, demands she make separate meals and keep a separate schedule: 'She's being such a diva'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Oct 6, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

There's a classic phrase that says beggars can't be choosers. It follows that if you're asking for something for free, you can't really be particular about what you get. After all, nobody truly owes you anything. If, for example, someone came over with a tray of cookies just because they were being nice, I wouldn't have the right to say, "Oh, these are chocolate chip? I really prefer Snickerdoodle. Can you make those instead?" That would be ridiculous, and entitled, and I would probably lose a friend. 

The same idea applies when you're asking for free childcare. Everyone has different preferences for taking care of their children, and you're entitled to your own child-rearing method. But when you're forking your kid over to someone else, you have to surrender your preferences temporarily. One woman refused to internalize that concept and caused tension in her relationship with her sister along the way. Read on for the story. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10412560640
    via Unsplash+ (Brooke Cagle)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

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    AITA for telling my sister I'm not watching her kids after I said I would?
    via u/Key_Tie_6746
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    My sister was unemployed for almost two years after a layoff. She got used to being home with her two children. My sister and her husband are tight on money.
    via u/Key_Tie_6746
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    My sister asked me about watching her kids while she starts a new job since I'm a stay home mom. I said yes at first. But my sister handed me a list of rules. Things like a daily schedule that would seriously upset my own children's daily routine. Then she gave me an approved menu for her kids and what I can and can't feed them because they are on a healthy whole food diet.
    via u/Key_Tie_6746
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    I flat out told my sister this isn't going to work and I'm not going to watch your kids. My sister offered to buy the organic whole food. I told her no that's not the point I'm not making your children separate lunches and I'm not going by your schedule. I'm watching the kids for free. They get what they get. That's it.
    via u/Key_Tie_6746
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    My sister said she would find something else but didn't expect inflation on child care services to be so high. She reached back out to me asking for a compromise because it will disrupt her children's schedule if I don't follow it and the food I make my children might give her's a tummy ache. I told my sister there's no way in
    via u/Key_Tie_6746
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    this is going to work and I'm not watching her kids now or never because she's being such a diva. My sister complained that what is she going to do she starts her new job on Monday. I told her maybe don't act your children are royalty when you can't even afford a babysitter.
    via u/Key_Tie_6746
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    My sister hasn't talked to me since and my mom has tried to talk to me about the situation but even mom agrees she wouldn't watch those kids with all of my sister's unrealistic demands.
    via u/Key_Tie_6746
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    CrewelSummer 23h ago • • NTA The demands your sister made are only appropriate for one childcare option: hiring a nanny. A nanny will follow the schedule you dictate for the children. A nanny can be expected to make the children food to your specifications. Those are big reasons why some people choose nannies.
    via u/CrewelSummer
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    But in other childcare situations, those demands simply cannot be met. In any groupcare situation, the children will be following the schedule set by the caregiver/center. It's simply impossible to cater to multiple schedules. And if you want special meals for your children other than what the center provides (if they provide any), then you need to prepare, pack, and send those.
    via u/CrewelSummer
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    If you want to negotiate with your sister, I would tell her that if she packs her children pre-made lunches, you would be willing to serve them. But you are not making two meals. And your schedule is what it is. She can take it or find other childcare. Kids adjust to new schedules all the time. So do adults. It's part of life. But that's your offer and she can take it or leave it.
    via u/CrewelSummer
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    savinathewhite 23h ago. • NTA. If she wants a nanny, then she can pay for a nanny. Even professional childcare services or a center, would have their own schedule the kids would have to adapt to, and if there was a special diet, the parent would have to prepare and send it with the children.
    via u/savinathewhite
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    If she's expecting you to do more than a childcare provider for free, then she needs a major reality check. I wouldn't even consider it at this point, because it'll turn into pure even if she says she'll compromise. Do you really want to get lectured every time she picks up the kids?
    via u/savinathewhite
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    lamIrene 23h ago. • I'm watching the kids for free. They get what they get. That's it. She wants nanny-level care for free. Folding them into your routine/lifestyle is completely reasonable, especially since you aren't being compensated. You are NTA. She's asking way too much.
    via u/lamIrene
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    • jasperjamboree · 23h ago. I love the "compromise" the sister offered to purchase the organic food after OP rescinded the offer to babysit due to the ludicrous demands. She was totally going to expect OP to cover that cost quietly. She was going to take advantage of OP every possible opportunity she could, especially
    via u/jasperjamboree
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    now that she knows how much that level of detailed childcare costs. Even your mom wouldn't agree to those demands, so she should just drop it instead of continuing to talk to you. Your sister is a choosy beggar. NTA
    via u/jasperjamboree
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    • Irrel... 23h ago · Edited 21h ago NTA. Why would her kid's . schedule be more important than yours?! You are the one offering a free service. Stand your ground on this. She is desperate yet makes her demands, I can only imagine what kind of nightmare this will become if you cave in.
    via u/IrrelevantManatee
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    1962Michael • 23h ago NTA. Newsflash. Her kids' routine is going to be "seriously disrupted" by taking them to daycare, or bringing them to your house, or anything short of a full-time nanny.
    via u/1962Michael
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    Routines are disrupted every time they change grades or schools. Kids adapt, and frankly adapting is one of the things they need to learn how to do.
    via u/1962Michael

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childcare Babies family drama aita infant choosing beggars kids moms parenting cute kids pregnant sister reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS choosing beggar
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