Woman Gatekeeps the 'Secret Family Recipe', Refusing to Share With Her Sister-in-Law to Secure Her Cake's Superiority at Thanksgiving

Author image for Jesse Kessenheimer
Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Oct 8, 2024 2:00 PM EDT

Secret family recipes are pretty silly if you think too hard about it. Although it's fun to get competitive with opposing families, claiming that your family's desserts are superior to theirs, ultimately, when it comes to dinners with your inner circle, why get competitive? We're all amicably sitting down at this long table intending to create family memories and solidify our bonds beyond blood ties, so why would anyone muddy the waters with a spout of petty competition and secret recipes?

This woman got extremely protective over her dear ol' Granny's recipe, refusing to share the tricks of the trade with her sister-in-law because apparently she wasn't 'family' enough. 

After she was taught her grandma's cheesecake tricks as a child, u/Melodic-Guava7784 got it in her head that this particular recipe was created above all others. With grandma's memory shining into the cake, somehow it was always better than any other dessert. So when her sister-in-law decided to host Thanksgiving, it seemed simpler to have this refrigerated cake already in her fridge–chilled and ready to go–but the gatekeeping recipe-holder refused to let her in on the secret. 

It's all in the family anyway, sis. Let it go.

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    Cheezburger Image 10413581824
    via annastills

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for refusing to share my secret family recipe with my sister-in-law, even though she's hosting Thanksgiving?
    via Melodic-Guava7784
  • 03
    I (28F) have a secret family recipe for a cheesecake that's been passed down for generations. My grandmother taught it to me when I was a kid, and I've always been the one to make it for special family occasions, especially Thanksgiving. It's become kind of a tradition.
    via Melodic-Guava7784
  • 04
    This year, my sister-in-law (32F) is hosting Thanksgiving for the first time. She's excited and has been planning everything in detail. A few weeks ago, she asked if I could share the recipe so she could make the cheesecake herself this year. I
    via Melodic-Guava7784
  • 05
    told her I'm happy to bring the dessert as usual, but I don't want to share the recipe. It's something special to me, and I only plan on passing it down to my kids one day. She was upset and said I was
    via Melodic-Guava7784
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    being selfish, that it's "just a cheesecake," and that I should be willing to contribute by sharing the recipe since she's hosting. My brother (her husband) called me later, saying I was being difficult and that it wouldn't hurt to let her make it this year.
    via Melodic-Guava7784
  • 07
    I still feel like this recipe is part of my family's tradition, and I'm not comfortable sharing it yet. But now I'm wondering if I'm being too possessive or making too big a deal out of it. AITA?
    via Melodic-Guava7784
  • 08
    Snarkylguana • 7h ago • If she's going to insist that it's "JUST" cheesecake, she can find her own recipe online. That response alone would be enough for me to not give it to her.
    via Snarkylguana
  • 09
    Had she expressed that she understands how special it is to you and expressed her desire to be involved in a family tradition, maybe it could've been a conversation. NTA
    via Snarkylguana
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    00 SkullCrusherRI • 6h ago My grandmother made a special show of it every time one of her grandsons would get married. She would take all of our favorite recipes, put them in a cookbook and give it
    via SkullCrusherRI
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    to our significant other AFTER we were married. If she married in, she's in the family, why not allow your brother to enjoy the cheesecake that is also a part of HIS family.
    via SkullCrusherRI
  • 12
    YTA imo. It's not like this is just a girlfriend. This is your brothers wife, she is family now and hoarding a recipe for no reason whatsoever other than it's special to you is childish at best imo.
    via SkullCrusherRI
  • 13
    vtretiree23 8h ago NTA Since it's "only a cheesecake, give her a cheesecake recipe." It's okay to honor family traditions.
    via vtretiree23
  • 14
    Ducatirules 6h ago You're not obliged to give the recipe but I've always thought secret family recipes were stupid unless it's your business
    via Ducatirules
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    flexisexymaxi • 7h ago • Technically NTA because you can do whatever you want with your recipe. But I think in general hoarding recipes is a thing to do. I always share mine. What's the point in keeping them to yourself? Is the only thing that makes you special the cheesecake?
    via flexisexymaxi
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    OkHedgewitch • 6h ago • I still feel like this recipe is part of my family's tradition So your brother's wife isn't part of the family? Do they know that?
    via OkHedgewitch
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    • Mrs Jingles0729 4h ago • YTA I'm sure you're making Grandma really proud by keeping a recipe away from your brother and making his family feel bad. Hope the power trip is worth more than having a positive relationship with them.
    via MrsJingles0729
  • 18
    • bigfoot509 4h ago YTA it's a recipe, not gold bars Other people making that recipe doesn't cheapen the recipe at all In reality that exact recipe is made by millions of other people already
    via bigfoot509
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    Really it just shows you don't consider you SIL as actual family Are the recipes worth damaging your relationship with your brother?
    via bigfoot509
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    Rattimus 5h ago • • You're certainly not obligated to share this recipe, but I think not doing so would be a pretty crappy thing to do. You are making it very clear to your SIL that she isn't family, and I'd
    via Rattimus
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    guess that this is more about you not liking her for whatever reason than anything else. I get it, it's a family recipe that you feel good about knowing. Do you really think your grandma hoarded that knowledge and
    via Rattimus
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    outright refused to share it with anyone? Maybe that's the case, but I'd guess your grandma's recipe is likely known by many, she probably shared it with friends you aren't even aware of.
    via Rattimus
  • 23
    I'd take this as a bonding moment with your SIL. Offer to have her come over and show her how to make it. I personally think you don't want that, though, and hey, maybe she and doesn't deserve it, but, she is married to your
    via Rattimus
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    brother and presumably she'll be around for the rest of your life. Is it really worth alienating her and making her feel like she's not part of the family over a recipe???? NTA, but, it's borderline in my mind.
    via Rattimus
  • 25
    Bearjew 16 • 6h ago YTA, what do you gain by not sharing a recipe? It's a FAMILY recipe and she is family. You're treating it like it's your recipe, not the family's
    via Bearjew__16
  • 26
    anonadvicewanted 5h ago • ESH. She for not accepting your no, and not valuing the tradition and your feelings about the recipe by calling it "just a cheesecake." You for essentially telling SIL you don't consider her family enough to allow her to share the tradition.
    via anonadvicewanted

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cake family drama dads secret family recipe famiies drama kids brother thanksgiving cheesecake siblings moms parenting dad story family sibling sister stories parent mom cousins parents
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