Clumsy friend stains $70 carrot pillow and replaces it with a thrift store version, friend wants her to pay full price: 'The pillow crisis of 2024'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Oct 8, 2024 1:00 PM EDT

Thrifting is a great option, for many reasons. It's good for the environment, shifting consumption away from fast fashion and cheaply-made, landfill-bound items. It's great for the wallet, as you're saving money on used goods. You can find things that nobody else has and flex on your friends. Overall, I'm pro-thrifting in most circumstances. But of course, we all have somewhere we draw the line when it comes to buying something secondhand. Underwear is a hard sell. Swimsuits, for the same reason. And if you've ever had the misfortune of dealing with bed bugs, you might just draw the line at soft items in general. Anything a bug could burrow its way into and can't be cleaned easily. It's understandable. 

But what if you're trying to replace something expensive? The allure of a budget option might be too great. That's the situation one woman found herself in after she committed a party foul at her friend's new apartment. Read on for the story.

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    Cheezburger Image 10413935360
    via Stefan Schauberger
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    AITA for replacing my friend's throw pillow with a thrifted identical version?
    via u/ThePillowCrisis
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    So my (24F) friend "Wendy" (23F) just got a new apartment. She's the first of our friend group to get an apartment, so everyone is really excited and Wendy wants it to be the main place we all go to hang out. Wendy threw a party this past Friday, just a small get together with our friend group and some of Wendy's cousins.
    via u/ThePillowCrisis
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    After a few hours, we were all pretty drunk, including me. I accidentally spilled my wine on one of her throw pillows. I tried to wash it out, but no luck. Of course, I offered to replace the pillow and Wendy sent me the link to where she bought it. It was SEVENTY DOLLARS for a tiny little carrot pillow. I told her I would definitely replace it, but I would probably have to wait for a few weeks for my next check because that eats into my gas money. She seemed a little pissy and I felt bad.
    via u/ThePillowCrisis
  • 05
    Yesterday, my other friends wanted to go thrifting for their Halloween costumes. I already got mine, but wanted to tag along. I thought it was my lucky day because at one of the thrift stores was the exact pillow! Like the very same one with the tag from the store and everything. The thrift store was selling it for twelve dollars, so I got it because it was cheaper and now Wendy would be able to have her complete living room quicker than we thought.
    via u/ThePillowCrisis
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    Fast forward a couple hours and we all go over to Wendy's to show her the Halloween haul and I present her with the pillow. First she was happy, but then she was like "How are you gonna get to work?" I explained that I found it at a thrift store and she threw it at me and acted all grossed out.
    via u/ThePillowCrisis
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    Now I'm confused because we all go thrifting all the time, including Wendy. But Wendy was like, "I don't buy soft furnishings at the thrift store." I offered to wash it and bring it back, but she said no and still demanded that I buy the one from the actual store. I said no, I would wash the thrifted pillow for her, but I'm not buying a pillow for seventy dollars. She said it was my fault for spilling wine in the first place and said I was "too clumsy to live." Then I said for someone who wants
    via u/ThePillowCrisis
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    We left it at that, but I left a few minutes later because I could tell Wendy was really annoyed at me. Now the friend group is taking sides and one of my friend's girlfriend told me that now there's a group chat that doesn't have me or Wendy in it called "The Pillow Crisis of 2024" where everyone is arguing who is in the right.
    via u/ThePillowCrisis
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    I did wash the pillow and gave it to my friend to give it to Wendy, but apparently she refused to put it on her couch and it now resides in the floor pillow pile. So, AITA?
    via u/ThePillowCrisis
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    Crim... . • 15h ago Edited 15h ago • This is a hard one. On the one hand, since you are the one who ruined her pillow, the onus is on you to take responsibility and fix it. You did fix it, in a way that you and I would both deem acceptable. Since it had the tag on it, it's very likely that piece wasn't even used, or if it was, was only used lightly. Getting a thrifted item when possible is almost always better than getting it from the major retailer, for local economies, the environment, your wa
    via u/CrimsonKnight_004
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    On the other hand, I feel like since you were the one who ruined the pillow, it isn't really on you to dictate the terms on how you rectify this. It's on her. Since you're being accountable, you need to be accountable to that person, within reason, to fix the mistake. Of course, what is "reasonable" can be largely subjective. There are people who
    via u/CrimsonKnight_004
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    don't thrift soft or fabric items for hygiene concerns, and if you gave her a pillow that she won't be actually using...then it's hard to say you replaced it, no? Because before she had an item on her couch that was in use, and now she still doesn't.
    via u/CrimsonKnight_004
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    Is it her fault for not wanting to use the thrifted item that for all intents and purposes is identical to the one that was ruined? Is it yours for not following the outline she made for how you would take responsibility for your mistake and show accountability? I really can't say! This one is stumping me.
    via u/CrimsonKnight_004
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    I think I'll go with NAH here, because at the end of the day, I completely agree with your logic and I would accept your thrifted carrot as appropriate recompense. But I also feel like those are terms that should be set by the offended party and honored, so while I do agree with you, she doesn't, and she's the one who was affected. So I think her opinion supersedes the others.
    via u/CrimsonKnight_004
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    • Oso_the-Bear 15h ago. I am also one of those people who will get a metal chair from a dumpster because it's easily washable, but "I don't buy soft furnishings at the thrift store." I also agree that "for someone who wants to host parties, she's being a big brat about a little spill." And she should understand that not everyone has ever spent $70 on a pillow in their entire life,
    via u/Oso_the-Bear
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    and if she is going to always be this way then she can only have rich people at her reclusive eletist parties. Of course I don't know the whole history of her and your clumsiness specifically, but even still, charging by the item is kind of tacky. People have car insurance for this, they don't have pillow insurance. Based on the funny nickname "The Pillow Crisis," I'm guessing that the committee is sympathetic to the notion that it's just a little spill.
    via u/Oso_the-Bear
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    Also screw her with her phony concern about "how are you going to get to work?" Obviously she didn't really care about you getting to work as long as she gets her brand new unstained pillow. I'm just goin to say though, to be fair, on the other hand, I get that this messes up your regular weekly budget, but are you reeeallllyy so broke that you couldn't put your hands on an extra $70 if it was really important? Sometimes you do just have to own your mistakes; you broke it you bought it.
    via u/Oso_the-Bear
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    steponme2021 • 13h ago. I'm going to say YTA. Not a big one just a barely TA. I only say this because she did spend $70. She's upset because she bought stuff brand new to furnish her apartment. I get you found a slightly used one to replace it but it was new like her new apartment and new beginning. I'm not going to lie I would have the same reaction. Why should she have to forfeit her brand new pillow for a random used one from a thrift store. Like I said barely the a- hole.
    via u/steponme2021
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    SubjectBuilder3793 • 14h ago • ESH You should never have told her. You replaced in good faith. If it was in good repair there was no reason to spend $70 on a f**ing carrot pillow. You should have realized that someone who spends that much on a wierd little thing, isn't going to be reasonable about your shortcut.
    via u/SubjectBuilder3793
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    CuriousEmphasis7698 · 13h ago • YTA. You ruined her expensive throw pillow, accidentally, but still. She has every right to expect that you will replace it with a brand- new pillow, not a used item from a thrift store. I can understand her concern about 'soft items' because they can house pests such as bedbugs, and they are difficult to clean thoroughly.
    via u/CuriousEmphasis7698
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    lickmysackett 12h ago. YTA. You break it you buy it. Having a hard no on soft goods from thrift stores is a reasonable (and hygienic) rule. Having tags doesn't mean it wasn't used, it just means it wasn't washed.
    via u/lickmysackett

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Pillow friendship thrift shop drama best friends thrifted decor pillows design stain friends reddit story friend drama decoration Drama Queen thrifting Reddit money interior design apartment
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