Family is split after woman refuses to babysit for selfish brother after giving him three years of free childcare, decides to puts her studies and free time first: ‘I stood my ground’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Oct 13, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

It's easy to clock a stranger's entitlement because you don't know them. You haven't formed a deep bond. You will likely never see them again, and no memories or feelings about them exist other than the present ones you have when you're witnessing their ill manners. It's different with family. You want to help them out. You hope that they aren't truly the entitled person they may seem like in certain moments. However, when it comes to your well-being and priorities, sometimes calling them out is very necessary.

The daughter and sister in this story is thrown for a loop when she, for the first time in years, refuses to babysit for her brother because she wants to prioritize her studies. She mentions that for the last three years, she had been giving him access to too much of her time for free while she disregarded the important things in her life. Instead of being met with compassion and understanding, her brother threw a fit and called her selfish. Her parents soon followed suit. Yet, there she remains, deciding to choose herself for once.

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  • 01
    "It has become expected of me to drop everything and babysit whenever my brother or his wife need a break."
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)
  • 02
    AITA for refusing to babysit my brother's kids after I was used as free childcare for years?
    via lunellii_petite
  • 03
    I (21F) have always been the "go-to" person in my family when it comes to babysitting. I'm the youngest of three siblings, and my older brother (32M) has two kids ages 4 and 6. Ever since his first child was born, I've been stepping in to help with
    via lunellii_petite
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    the kids. At first, it was no big deal. I was a teenager, and I loved my niece and nephew, so I didn't mind spending time with them. But over the years, it has become expected of me to drop everything and babysit whenever my brother or his wife need a
    via lunellii_petite
  • 05
    break. I've missed out on countless plans with friends, events, and even study time because I was always being asked (read: guilt-tripped) to babysit. They never paid me, not even a little. It's always
    via lunellii_petite
  • 06
    "you're family, so we thought you wouldn't mind." Last month, things hit a breaking point for me. I'm in college, juggling classes, a part-time job, and trying to have some kind of social life. My
    via lunellii_spit
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    brother called me again to ask if I could watch the kids for the weekend because he and his wife wanted to "reconnect." I said no, explaining that I had a major project due and couldn't afford to spend the weekend away from my studies.
    via lunellii_petite
  • 08
    My brother blew up at me, saying that I was being selfish and that I "owed" them for all the times they've helped me in the past things like driving - me to school as a teen or
    via lunellii_petite
  • 09
    letting me stay at their house during a storm once (as if that's comparable to years of free childcare!). He made me feel guilty, but I stood my ground and said no.
    via lunellii_petite
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    Since then, my parents have gotten involved, saying I should have helped because family comes first, and they're disappointed in me for not stepping up. I tried
    via lunellii_petite
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    explaining that I'm overwhelmed with school and work, but they don't seem to care. They think because I'm single and don't have kids, I should have more "free time."
    via lunellii_petite
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    Now, the whole family is acting like I'm the bad guy for refusing to babysit. My brother has barely spoken to me, and my mom even made a snide comment
    via lunellii_petite
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    about how I "better not expect help from the family" in the future. I feel like I've been taken advantage of for years, and now that I'm setting. boundaries, everyone's turning against me.
    via lunellii_petite
  • 14
    AITA for finally saying no after being used for free childcare for years?
    via lunellii_petite
  • 15
    PetrogradSwe • 3h ago • NTA Your analysis is spot on. You've been taken advantage off for years. They don't respect your needs or priorities, and are thus upset with you for setting boundaries.
    via PetrogradSwe
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    Since they're going to be upset anyway you may as well reduce babysitting to levels that are convenient for you. If your parents keep trying to guilt trip tell them they're welcome to babysit themselves.
    via PetrogradSwe
  • 17
    kurokomainu 3h ago. . NTA Tell them that obviously all the years of babysitting you have already done counted for nothing, so threats of "better not expect help from the family" just amount to them saying that you have to be constantly at their beck and call forever to expect anything in return from them.
    via kurokomainu
  • 18
    They are the ones who have to start treating you with respect and acknowledging that you have an adult life and are busy with obligations of your own. You are no longer a minor who can only ask how high when told to jump. You are only going to respond in kind to being treated with respect from now on. No more demands, threats, or manipulation. Those are all automatic "no"s.
    via kurokomainu
  • 19
    Chic_Sandra • 3h ago . NTA. You are not obligated to provide free childcare, even to family. You have your own life, responsibilities, and goals, and it's not selfish to prioritize them.
    via Chic_Sandra
  • 20
    Turmeric_Ping • 3h ago Well, you know your NTA, but if you wanted some reassurance here it is: you are definitely 100% NTA here. You should have cut them off years ago.
    via Turmeric_Ping
  • 21
    MissMakiveli • 1h ago. You've sacrificed a lot of your time and plans for your brother's kids over the years. It's commendable that you initially helped out, but your priorities have changed. You deserve to have your own life and social activities without feeling guilty about it.
    via MissMakiveli

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