Dad and new stepmother want 15-year-old son to sign "family contract" to "accept" their new family and waive right to objection: '

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Oct 19, 2024 12:00 PM EDT

Family is… family—something that sort of just happens. Springing naturally through strong connections by blood, intentions, reciprocal care, or shared experiences. 

(Insert any of a number of quotes from Don Toretto about not turning your back on family and/or something about family being the most important thing here.)

It's not something you can just force into existence, hoping that by sheer willpower, you'll convince the other members of the family you're trying to build that they should also regard the relationship as such. Ironically, although marriage creates a family in a legally binding sense, the essence of the family couldn't be any further from such. If we're being specific, marriage is really just the legally binding act enacted between the two parties once the family has already formed. 

This is always tricky when it comes to step-parenting and composite families coming together; you can't just tell your children—especially those who are old enough and teenagers—that they should feel a certain way about the new arrangement that your relationship has thrust upon them. 

That was the issue at hand in this thread, shared by a teen to this online community wondering how he should navigate his father and new stepmother's complex and unusual request.

Advertisement
  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10417597952
    via Patricia Prudente

    Image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Image is for illustration only and subjects are models.

  • 02
    AITA for refusing to sign a "family contract" during my dad's wedding? My mom died 4 years ago and my dad's engaged to Anne. Their wedding is 3 months away and Anne has a 12 year old daughter and an 8 year old son. Dad has me (15m). Dad and Anne want this wedding to be the start of a new family life for all of us after loss because Anne's husband/her kids dad di d too. They see this as a happy new chapter and
    via Radiant-Camera-474
  • 03
    an exciting chance to grow the family or whatever. They want us to not only accept the wedding but to accept each other as family and commit to being close, loving each other, choosing each other and swearing we'll always be a family.
    via Radiant-Camera-474
  • 04
    Anne's son is excited about it. Her daughter is more wobbly about it. She feels guilty about wanting another dad and wanting us to be a family and there's a part of her that doesn't want it. She admitted this in therapy that we're all going to. I'm not excited. I accept my dad getting married. But I don't accept the rest of the stuff they want. I don't love Anne or her kids. I don't want another mom or mom figure to take on the role that mom should have. I don't want to commit to always being th
    via Radiant-Camera-474
  • 05
    This isn't exciting to me. It's sad. It's actually. It just reminds me mom isn't here and I'll never have my family back. To me this is dad creating a new family but not my new family. I told the therapist this. She wants this to be a discussion when the other kids aren't there but so far Anne doesn't want any sessions that don't include her kids.
    via Radiant-Camera-474
  • 06
    The contract was mentioned in therapy. Our therapist tried to discourage it but my dad and Anne said they want it to be more than just them but all of us. They asked us in therapy if we'd sign it and I said no. I was the only one. Anne's kids looked sad that I said no. Anne looked offended and really surprised and I don't think she realized someone could say no. My dad looked unhappy with me. But he didn't say anything. The therapist wanted us to talk some more and she asked again (5th time) if
    via Radiant-Camera-474
  • 07
    My dad wanted to know why I couldn't say yes for him and why I'm refusing to do something minor that would make everyone else happy. He told me one day in the future I'll be so glad I was open to doing it because we'll all be so close and it will be a nice reminder. AITA?
    via Radiant-Camera-474
  • 08
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a ple: I refused to sign a family contract thing at my dad's wedding and I know how much it means to my dad and his almost wife and her kids so I might be TA for refusing to sign it even if it's all just pretending on my part. It really isn't legally binding or anything so that part could also add to the case of me being AH.
    via Radiant-Camera-474
  • 09
    NeedBatteries29 12h ago. NTA My BIL and his second wife tried to do this when they got married and blended their families 10 years ago. The kids wanted no part of it, they didn't like each other, but the parents went ahead with the marriage and the "family contract" and stuff. Things never improved and now BIL is getting a divorce for the second time.
    via Radiant-Camera-474
  • 10
    sour_lemons 12h ago • NTA. It's so sad that your dad and Anne are literally disregarding what both you and the therapist are trying to say to them they cannot force you - to have a relationship with Anne and her kids. If one grows organically, great, but forcing it will only build resentment and result in you pulling farther away.
    via Radiant-Camera-474
  • 11
    If this contract is really so "minor" then why is your dad and Anne so pushy about it? Clearly it's not minor to them nor should it be minor to you. Maybe tell your dad that if he'll agree to therapy alone with you then you'll consider the contract so that there's a chance to talk more about this issue during therapy?
    via Radiant-Camera-474
  • 12
    dogfishfrostbite • 12h ago Anne refusing you individual therapy is a red f'n flag. You poor thing. She suuuuuucks.
    via Radiant-Camera-474
  • 13
    . Content-Plenty-2... • 12h ago Oh, I see. Anne gets to say no to everything but is shocked that someone can say no to her. You are NTA. You are also a minor and as such can't sign any contracts. I understand that this is not a legally enforceable contract but just a gesture, but you can still demur and maybe offer to reconsider once you get to know them all better. I'm sorry you've lost your mom and now are being put through this. It's a lot for someone so young
    via Radiant-Camera-474

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

family drama aita reddit story etiquette family reddit thread amitheahole teenager teenagers parenting
Scroll Down For The Next Article