16-year-old teen daughter backs out of sister's wedding because she doesn't like the $1000 dress fits, wants mom to pay for it

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Oct 16, 2024 12:00 PM EDT

Weddings have a way of bringing out the strain in families, and the pressure of executing a single greatest day of the bride and groom's life really ups the ante. Meanwhile, you're trying to keep all your unpredictable extended family in line and making sure everything goes according to plan, leaving plenty of opportunity for something to go wrong. Of course, it can also bring out festering underlying dynamics between siblings too…

This 16-year-old was meant to be a bridesmaid at her older sister's wedding, something she had pestered her sister about despite her older sister's reluctance. But, suddenly, with only a month to go until the wedding, the teen backed out, giving the reason that she found her bridesmaid dress—which had cost her parents $1000—to be unflattering.

The mother, annoyed at the situation and wanting, presumably, to teach her daughter a lesson about following through with things despite the mildest of inconveniences, told her daughter that she would have to pay for the dress—the full $1000—by working part-time or using money she was gifted.

This stands to be a fair lesson, though perhaps a bit harsh (maybe just save the money for when she's older and give it back to her?) Still, it's important to learn that someone has to foot the bill, and at 16, it won't be long before that person is you. One has to wonder though, did something happen between the sisters that caused her to suddenly change her mind?

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    Image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Image is for illustration only and subjects are models.

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    AITA for making my daughter pay back a $1000 dress she was supposed to wear in a wedding
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    I have a daughter, Emma (16F), who was supposed to be a bridesmaid in her older sister's wedding. My oldest wasn't planning to have Emma in the wedding party. It was Emma who really wanted to be a bridesmaid because she was excited and wanted to be involved. My oldest agreed to include her, even though it meant extra costs and adjustments.
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    The bridesmaid dresses, shoes and fitting were around $1000 each, which we agreed to pay for since Emma did not have that cash. The wedding is in a month Emma suddenly changed her mind. She refusing to wear the dress since she thinks it is ugly, saying it is unflattering on her. It is but didn't speak up at any part She said she felt uncomfortable, wasn't close to the other bridesmaids, and didn't want to participate anymore. I reminded her that she had been the one pushing to be a part of the w
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    Now, we're stuck with a $1000 dress that can't be returned. I told Emma that since she was the one who wanted to be in the wedding and then backed out, she would need to pay us back for the dress-either by working part-time or payment plan using her gift moeny. Emma is upset and says it's unfair, claiming we're punishing her for not wanting to do something she wasn't comfortable with anymore. Multiple family members think I am too harsh.
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    Edit: I didn't go to my oldest and pressure her to make Emma a bridesmaid. My oldest gave in after Emma pestered her about it. Emma has a phone. I don't even learn about the pestering until after she was added
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the hole: AITA for making my daughter pay back a $1000 dress she was supposed to wear in a wedding. I may be a for havigg but me pay the dress back since she dropped out because she didn't feel confortable in the dress
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    Silaq... ⚫9h ago Edited 5h ago. • NTA. A lot of people are in the comments making assumptions or straight up making things up that are the opposite of what OP has stated. The dress is the same for all the bridesmaids and Emma has only ever met the other bridesmaids while supervised so there hasn't been any bullying. The bride didn't even want Emma as a bridesmaid, this is something that Emma pushed for.
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    The fact is she's 16 and bulldozed her way into a position as a bridesmaid and now that she's realized the style of dress isn't ideal she's throwing a tantrum. Frankly how she feels about the dress doesn't matter. The wedding is about the bride and the bride picked the same dress for all the bridesmaids and didn't even want Emma there. Emma pushed for this so she should either it up and wear the dress or she should take responsibility for her decisions and pay back the cost of the dress.
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    Again this is a 16yr old that bullied her way into being a bridesmaid despite being warned of the cost and now she's wanting to drop out because the dress isn't ideal. She was perfectly fine spending her parents money but now that there's real consequences she's upset. Edit: for some people replying, please look at OPS edit at the top and OPs replies to other questions. They made it clear they did not pressure the bride, there was no bullying, and that Emma made it clear she dropped out because
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    ReviewOk929 10h ago . • we're punishing her for not wanting to do something she wasn't comfortable with anymore - NTA She's not being punished, she is just having to face the real world consequences of changing her mind. Making her pay back the money is the right course of action for a 16 y/o to learn from.
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    applebum8807 10h ago • While I personally feel that you should not have humored this at all, NTA. This is what happens when you back out last minute when everyone paid for you.
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    cndnsportsfan • 10h ago NTA. This is a valuable lesson to learn. 1000 seems like a lot for a teenager, but she'll be a lot more careful with her future commitments.
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    bluesnowdrops . 9h ago • NTA I Agee with everyone else, it is a good lesson for her. Maybe offer some jobs she can do around the house to pay part of it off if you don't want to burden her with the total amount. One thing though: if you agree that the dress is unflattering and it was clear early on, consider having another chat with her on how the situation would be different had she voiced her concerns about the dress earlier and in a constructive/ solution oriented way ie small alterations whi
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    AgnarCrackenham... • 10h ago. NTA Emma is old enough to deal with the consequences of her actions
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    ChickenScratchCoff... . 9h ago • You should have told her no in the first place. Who cares if she "wanted" to be in the wedding. It was the brides choice and obviously she didn't want her sister in the wedding party or she would have asked her first. You made the bride add her, you allowed a child to make a decision, this is on you. Maybe make her pay half but it's crazy to make her pay the whole $1000 when you as the parent should have shut this down in the first place.
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    • Zealousideal-Divide6 9h ago • NTA Emma pushed to be in the wedding. If she changed her mind because she hated the dress, she should've said that when she first tried it on and definitely prior to it being paid for since it's non-refundable. You can try to sell it to make some of the money back and have Emma pay the difference but I don't think you're being extremely harsh or cruel. The loss of $1,000 is a result of a series of choices Emma made, there are consequences for people's actions and
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    • Aggravating-Item9... 10h ago • NTA. She had a LOOOOONG time it sounds to voice these concerns back when something could actually be done. This is just a lesson of cause and effect for her.
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    C_Majuscula . 9h ago • NTA. Backing out of events leads to consequences, both social and economic, and she's 16 not 6. Honestly, the smart thing for her to do is just gut out the wedding thing so she doesn't have to pay for the dress.
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family drama teenager wedding drama sibling rivalry teenagers siblings family feud parenting wedding family weddings aita
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