Toxic woman buys 14-year-old girl a dress a size too small as an 'aspirational dress,' faces backlash from girl's mom: 'She's the only one in her friend group who hasn't had a boyfriend'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Oct 19, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

The self-esteem of a 14-year-old girl is always in flux, and usually in a bad way. It's around the age when you start developing insecurities about what you look like since your body is changing and the attention you get is changing along with it. You become more aware of your clothing choices, the way you wear your hair, and how others perceive you. And those insecurities can be very hard to shake, even into adulthood. What happens to us as children can shape who we become as adults, and if there are people telling us we need to change the way we are in order to fit in, we might start to believe them. 

And all that dreck is certainly present even without adults telling us. So it's the responsibility of the grown-ups to be a counterweight to all that, not part of the issue. But one woman had a different philosophy and foisted it on another woman's kid. Read on for the story.

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    Cheezburger Image 10417392128
    via Eduardo Ramos
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    AITA for making my daughter take a break from going to her best friend's house because the mom purposely bought her a smaller size dress?
    via u/LifeWasAWilloww
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    About two weeks ago my 14 year old daughter Bonnie was out shopping with her best friend Gigi and Gigi's mom Lauren. While they were out, Lauren bought them both dresses she thought were cute. Except she bought Bonnie a size 3. Bonnie said she picked out one that was her size, but Lauren put it back and said that the size 3 one would be her "aspirational" dress to work towards fitting into.
    via u/LifeWasAWilloww
  • 04
    When she came home, she gave it to me and was upset but also didn't want to say anything bad about Gigi's mom, which I get. First off, Bonnie is a HEALTHY girl. Gymnastics until she was about 11 (and grew several inches), dance in the fall and track in the spring, all her choices. So she's got an athletic build. Gigi is a small girl, barely 5 feet, and so I thought at first she got them mixed up. She told me that Gigi's mom got it for her to aspire to try to get into by "working hard."
    via u/LifeWasAWilloww
  • 05
    I said I'd take care of it and get her the right size. The next day, I called Gigi's mom Lauren and asked her why she would do that. She explained that she thought it would give Bonnie something to work towards, because she heard Bonnie saying she didn't get asked out last year but Gigi had several boys after her and that it seemed like it upset her.
    via u/LifeWasAWilloww
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    I told her it was inappropriate and asked her why she would tell a kid she needed to lose weight in order to get attention from boys? She got defensive and said that it was obviously embarrassing for Bonnie to not have boys into her when all her friends do.
    via u/LifeWasAWilloww
  • 07
    She basically said I'm holding Bonnie back from growing up-like I won't help her with boys, won't drop hundreds at Sephora, still dress her like a kid, and buy B&BW sprays instead of fancy perfumes. She said it's messing with Bonnie socially and that she's the only one in her friend group who hasn't had a boyfriend. Then she got personal and said just because I've "given up" and stopped trying doesn't mean I have to turn Bonnie into a nun.
    via u/LifeWasAWilloww
  • 08
    FOR THE RECORD, this is partially true. But it's also because Bonnie doesn't WANT that stuff. I have offered to get her more than Cetaphil skincare and she doesn't want it. She got straight As last year and I took her to Ulta for a "spree" and sall she wanted was some lip gloss and then ASKED for the body spray instead.
    via u/LifeWasAWilloww
  • 09
    I said that it's time for a break. The girls can still hang out, but I don't want Bonnie at Gigi's house. Bonnie got upset over it and I can deal with that. Gigi's mom however has gone NUCLEAR over it, spreading poison everywhere she can about me being "psycho" and doubling down on how it's all because I don't want my daughter to be happy with a boyfriend when I'm single and "no man would touch me." Which is just... childish. And I've been shocked to see how other people have reacted to this, so
    via u/LifeWasAWilloww
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    Apart-Ad-6518 20h ago • NTA I told her it was inappropriate and asked. her why she would tell a kid she needed to lose weight in order to get attention from boys? Exactly that. Egregious behavior. She shouldn't be saying anything about your daughter's weight or appearance.
    via u/Apart-Ad-6518
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    Please do not allow someone as toxic & vicious as this to cause you to doubt your parenting or yourself. It's reasonable to let the girls hang out and equally so not to have your daughter go to this woman's house. No way should that happen.
    via u/Apart-Ad-6518
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    Buffy11bnl 18h ago • Buffy11bnl Yes to all of this, and if anyone brings it up to you I would simply say, "Gigi's mom has been encouraging my daughter to develop an eating disorder, and as a responsible parent I won't allow my child to knowingly interact with adults who wish to harm her." There is a lot more I could say, but it would get me banned so just definitely NTA, and do not back down. It takes almost no time at all to convince a teenage girl she is "wrong" in some way and it takes a life
    via u/Buffy11bnl
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    CuriousEmphasis76... . 20h ago NTA. Gigi's mom is toxic. This is not someone you want your daughter exposed to or associating with. She's 14, she is still a kid. It is not 'messing with her socially' to treat her in an age- appropriate way. Gigi's Mom's implication that your daughter needs to lose weight is also beyond unacceptable. Her own kid is probably on her way to an eating disorder, you don't want your daughter in that boat.
    via u/CuriousEmphasis7698
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    Select-Promotion-404 • 18h ago • Time for OP to go nuclear back and clarify the situation on social media. Not all girls have to fall in line like every OTHER girl. Why are we doing this to ourselves??? Women should embrace other women wanting to be individuals. Saying Gigi's mom is toxic is an understatement.
    via u/Select-Promotion-404
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    lilolememe • 19h ago. Lauren is a gossip and a bully. You can't control what other people think about you or say about you. It's a life lesson to teach your daughter. Hold your head high. If anyone tries to talk about it to you, simply explain you're choosing not to allow any woman to fat shame your daughter by buying her clothes
    via u/lilolememe
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    that are too small for her and telling her she needs to lose weight to please boys. You find the behavior abhorrent, and you are protecting your daughter from that kind of toxicity. You're doing a great job. Your daughter may not appreciate it now, but she will as she gets older. Why on earth any woman is pushing for 13-14 year old girls to have boyfriends is beyond me. What the ?
    via u/lilolememe
  • 17
    Easton_HJE ⚫ 20h ago NTA, but Gigi's mom is. She should NEVER comment on a young girls body like that. First off, it's none of her business's. Your daughter is 14, she doesn't need to be worried about boys right now. She's a KID. There's no rush for her to grow up. You did the right thing by keeping her away from Gigi's mom.
    via u/Easton_HJE
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    Malibu_Cola Malibu Cola • 20h ago • NTA. That was wildly inappropriate to get the wrong sized dress and basically implying there was something wrong with Bonnie's body size. Poor Gigi. If Bonnie only had to deal with this one day, I can only imagine what Gigi has to go through! I hope Bonnie is doing ok!
    via u/Malibu_Cola
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    • Lucky-Effective-1564 19h ago • NTA. This woman is pushing your 14-year old to have an ED and to get involved with boys. It's both inappropriate and none of this woman's business. Does Bonnie even want a boyfriend yet?
    via u/Lucky-Effective-1564
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    amyb10045 • 19h ago • If another mom did this to my daughter it would be WW3. Not every girl wants hundreds of dollars of skincare from Sephora, wants a boyfriend and should aspire to be a size 3. My daughter is the complete opposite of girly skincare and she actually doen't date boys....if you get what i'm saying. If your daughter wants to continue seeing this friend it should be at your house only. And if the mom keeps being toxic then you might have to cut it off altogether, which girls. for
    via u/amyb10045
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    Altruistic_You737 19h ago • . I had to double check the age of your child for a minute- what kind of weird mean girl/aspiring pimp mum is trying to help her 14 year old daughter get a boyfriend!? I read that girls in sports tend to have more self confidence, lose their virginity at a later age and engage with their peers (both sexes) better than most kids. Clearly your daughter is crushing it. Keep being a great parent
    via u/Altruistic_You737
  • 22
    Cap... • . 20h ago Edited 19h ago • NTA good lord it is absolutely wild to me that an adult. woman would teach a 14 year old girl that she has to sculpt her body for male attention. Absolutely it's the 2020s not the 1920s. Edit: and I mean even if it was the 1920's she's fourteen.
    via u/CapoExplains
  • 23
    anbaric26 · 19h ago. NTA. Lauren seems like she was a bully to other girls in high school. And now she forces these things on her daughter (and yours) because she knows she would have bullied them for those types of things back when she was a teen.
    via u/anbaric26
  • 24
    Her reaction alone proves that you were right to stop letting Bonnie go over there in the first place. The appropriate response from a mature adult would have been "I'm sorry for overstepping, I respect that this is how you want to raise/teach your daughter and I won't interfere with that."
    via u/anbaric26

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childcare toxic moms teens aita self esteem kids teenagers moms teenage girls parenting body image dad reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
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