24-year-old wife gets rid of 37-year-old husband's book collection after he refuses to pack it up, he threatens divorce: 'Your husband is not a book collector. He is a hoarder'

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    Cheezburger Image 10419179776
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    AITA for getting rid of my husband's books?
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    Hey all, this situation is jeopardizing my marriage and I just need an outside. opinion. So I, (24F), am married to my husband Matthias (37M) for 3 years, together on and off for 5 years. We decided to get married because I wanted to call him my husband, and our church wanted us to, as we had been together for so long. We moved in together into an apartment my
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    parents bought for us as a wedding gift. After a couple years, I was sick, and I mean SICK of living in our tiny apartment. I loved the little home we built together, but we just didn't have enough space as I as advancing in my career and we were becoming financially stable enough to support our dreams of having a big family.
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    We started looking for a house, and we have finally found one that suits our needs. The problem arose while we were packing up the apartment. One big issue that we had always had while we were living there, is Matthias's extremely large book collection. It was a common sore spot in our marriage, as he would just keep buying more. We had one bookshelf, but when that wasn't sufficient anymore, they were just everywhere in the apartment. On the floor, the counters, tables, literally EVERYWHERE. It
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    Don't get me wrong, I think his love for books is great, but it was just way too much. He refused to get a Kindle or anything like that, so when we closed. the deal on the new house, I was so happy this years long mess would be resolved. I told him from the very start that he, HE would have to be the one to pack up all the books. They were his mess, so he had to clean it up. As time passed on, and everything else was getting packed, the books still stayed in their places. I kept telling him if h
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    Quite literally a week before we moved out, almost everything else was packed up and ready to go. Matthias decided it was the perfect time to go on a little boys trip for a few days, even though I begged him to stay in case there was an issue with the new house. He said it would be fine because I would be here, and I just gave up as I didn't want to start a big argument. I told him if he didn't pack them up before he left, they would be gone
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    when he came home. He pretty much brushed me off, giving me a "yeah right." He left, and over the next couple days, with the help of my brothers (26M and 29M), we donated all the books away. Now, the problem is, Matthias is back, and he screamed at me until I had to call one of my older brother to pick me up, who I'm staying with now. Matthias is now messaging and calling me with threats of divorce, and I just need to know if I was wrong for this?
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    lifelearnlove • 11h ago • A 32 yo man dating a 19yo woman is an immediate red flag. Is he not mature enough to find a woman nearer his own age or does he have control issues? NTA for expecting him to carry through with packing his books, but he is a major A H for leaving you to finalise your move.
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    SushiGuacDNA 11h ago. • NTA. Oh man. When I started reading this, I was gunning for you. I'm a book lover! You got rid of his books? Evil!! But I changed my mind. Your husband is not a book collector. He is a hoarder. He's got books scattered over the whole house and he won't take responsibility
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    for them. He won't take responsibility while you are living together. And he won't even take responsibility while you are moving. You told him, "I am not taking responsibility for your books." And he left town. You told him, "You are responsible for packing your own books." And he left town. You told him, "If you don't pack your own books before the move, they'll be gone after the move." And he left the town.
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    You are in no way the a h le here. As a book over with an overly large book collection, I absolve you.
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    PM_ME_YOUR_REPO • 11h ago Wow...that's a lot. First red flag, that is a gargantuan age gap, and very rarely does that happen where there isn't some kind of mental or emotional abuse. You were 19 and he was 32? That's concerning, especially if he routinely doesn't take you seriously.
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    Speaking of which, it really seems like he isn't respecting you in this. It's reasonable to expect the person who made/is making the collection to take charge of moving said collection. You were pretty clear about your expectations, acknowledged an irresponsible choice with potential issues, set the boundary about the books, and told him what would happen if he made the choice to leave you with the burden. He literally cannot be mad, in this case. F around, find out. Play stupid games, win stupi
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    I noticed in your scene-setting that you mentioned your parents paid for the place for you two, and that you guys got married somewhat due to social pressure. What does he bring to your relationship? Does he take charge of maintaining your home with you? Does he treat you well and make your life better? Do you feel like you are respected and appreciated? Do you feel safe?
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    Because from your telling of the story, I see a man who bagged a barely legal girl 13 years younger than himself, somehow got your shared social group to push for marriage, got a place to live from your parents for free, and is now not treating you very well. Maybe I'm just being a big ole redditor about this and the rest of your life together is wonderful, but like...maybe I'm not.
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    AnOnAndOnAndOnAn... ⚫ 11h ago NTA. If the books mattered that much to him he should have made sure they were packed. But... Imo marriages only work if both spouses want the other to be happy. Matthias doesn't seem to care about your distress at the level of his books/clutter nor that you are left to finish the packing while he takes a guys trip. You
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    cared more about making your point than about pack up his most prized possessions. Hoping this is just a one-off situation for you all! If not it's probably bad news for the marriage
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    • introspectiveliar 11h ago • ESH, he should not have left you to go on this trip. But I have to tell you, regardless of the reason, if you got rid of my books, I would never, ever, ever forgive you. I would walk away so fast you would only see my dust.
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    cscracker 10h ago • YTA - you never throw out another person's things if they don't want you to. That's never acceptable. You didn't need to pack them up for him or move them for him, you should have done nothing about the books instead. They're his things, his responsibility. He is also acting irresponsibly, but that doesn't change the fact that what you did is wrong.
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    • Paul_likes_it · 10h ago • I'm reading a lot of posts from bibliophiles who are accusing op of being from the seventh level of because she (gasp) took issue with her husband's complete disregard for her and weaponized his prized book 'collection' against her. Said bibliophiles say that hubby should divorce op. - Op divorce is hard. Living with a slob who forces you to live in a hoarder-type of environment will also be hard. If he divorces you, he's probably doing you a favor.

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