Mother forces 16-year-old daughter to go to therapy for not celebrating her stepfather on Father's Day: 'I didn't want another dad'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Oct 25, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

It's a tricky thing to make someone feel something that they don't feel. And when you're a teen there's so much changing emotionally that it's sometimes hard to make sense of the things you're actually feeling without trying to force it—or having someone gaslighting you and saying that you said something that you never said. When that person is your parent, it makes things a whole lot more complicated; this is the person who is supposed to be showing you the way, and while they probably think they are, they're actually obfuscating the path forward.

You can't force love towards a new family member; sure, one day, you might get there, but it is something that needs to develop naturally, pretty much by definition. This teen made it pretty clear that she wouldn't regard her stepfather as her "dad," but that didn't stop her mom from claiming that she'd said otherwise, forcing her into family therapy sessions to try and change the way she felt about her stepfather.

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    AITA for wasting everyone's time in therapy because I was accused of lying? My mom, her husband and I (16f) are in group therapy with each other. We started therapy a few weeks after Father's Day, because that was the final straw for them to insist we all needed therapy to work on why I won't let us be the family they want.
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    We started at the end of July and by the end of August my mom accused me of lying, called me a liar and laid out this really big sob story about how much it hurt to have me lie to her and do everything in my power to destroy her marriage.
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    It ped me off so bad. I didn't lie at any point of this. I said as much in the follow up session and the therapist asked me to outline my side and how I felt having mom call me a liar. My mom kept trying to interrupt me, she told the therapist the shut up and she accused me of being a vicious liar then.
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    To give some explanation about the situation. My mom and her husband got married 3 years ago. They moved in together 2 months before. Before moving in they sat me down and asked me if I was okay with us moving in together and making a family of three again. Mom brought up how we'd have a man around the house again (my dad died) and how good it would be for
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    her to have a husband and for me to have a dad and he said he couldn't wait to be my dad and he always wanted to be a dad. He said he already had plans for us for Father's Day. This was February of three years ago. I told them I wasn't okay with that stuff. That I didn't want another dad, wouldn't let him be my dad,
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    and was not about to spend Father's Day celebrating someone who isn't dad. They started laughing and proceeded as normal but Father's Day became a struggle because I have not spent the day with him the last three years and he has tried, so has my mom. I meant what I said. I never called him dad or let him fill the role in my life. This year he snapped and
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    he had a temper tantrum and said I was supposed to be with him on Father's Day and not spending the day alone and he didn't sign up to be nothing to me.
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    My mom called me a liar because she said I promised to develop a close relationship with her husband and that I said yes to wanting what they asked. She said I had said I would give him Father's Day and I lied and I have not followed through on any of it. She said I made them think I would be a willing participant and I wanted us to be a family. It me off because I never said what she claims and I even repeated what I had said back then.
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    The therapist couldn't get mom to apologize and she has no control over the sessions where my mom and her husband dominate. So I'm totally silent and I zone out. They only realized this two weeks ago. They called me on it and I spoke up again after more than a month of no talking in therapy,
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    to confirm I wasn't listening and it came up last week and I said I was done engaging because I was owed an apology for being called a liar. My mom and her husband are p ed that I'm wasting everyone's time letting therapy happen. AITA?
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a h le: I was accused of wasting everyone's time in therapy and this is because I'm not talking and that's because I was accused of lying. This might make me
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    TA because therapy costs money and I didn't specifically state I was done and would not give it a try anymore. Doing that might have been better. But I didn't even do that and I just didn't talk in therapy the last few sessions and have no interest in trying so maybe I am wasting everyone's time like an AH.
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    chrestomancy • 6h ago • NTA I'm surprised the therapist is still taking the sessions. They must need the money pretty badly. Your parents, like so many before them, aren't after therapy - where you have to work on your own • They want a wizard who can change
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    reality for them, and maybe change you for someone who wants to call your mom's husband "dad". Good luck with it all.
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    Sweetcilantro • 6h ago nta It took multiple sessions to notice you weren't paying attention anymore after the incident. I think that shows where their attention lies.
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    DocHollywood2 • 6h ago • NTA. Accused of lying for sticking to the truth? Sounds like someone's rewriting history in group therapy... but they forgot you've got the receipts
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    KingGuinevere • 5h ago NTA. Your mother and her husband are horrifically selfish people. Do you have other family you can reach out to? Paternal grandparents, aunts and uncles?
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    I'm so sorry you're going through this. Parents who try to force your feelings to fit the mold they want are a serious level of emotional abuse. Just start counting days til your 18th birthday. Make plans to leave and never, ever look back. Your mother and her husband do not deserve to be in the same room as you again.
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    Ok_Conversatio... • 6h ago. NTA. That doesn't sound like therapy - it sounds like torture! Like they will keep repeating the lies until you agree with them. If they think they're wasting time and money, they're right, but it's their own fault.
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    HAPPY HOLL Koralmarai 5h ago • You're not the one wasting time, they are. They don't want therapy, they dont want to understand where youre coming from, they want to force you to comply to their wishes so they can live out their dream of a happy family. NTA
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family drama aita step parent siblings family feud parenting family parents
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