Wife receives 30th birthday gift from husband, calls it out for being terrible: 'I have communicated things I like with photos and everything'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Oct 27, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

For something that is supposed to be a nice gesture, gift-giving can be a stressful experience. You have so many different things to think about when you buy a present, but most of all, you have to be focused on what the recipient is going to like. For some reason, this is something that many gift buyers seem to completely forget, even when they are buying for loved ones—and this can have bad consequences.

This was something that one frustrated wife and new mom found herself dealing with as she celebrated a landmark birthday. When she turned 30, her husband presented her with gifts that she felt were obviously not geared toward what she liked and enjoyed. When she revealed her issue to Reddit, she had their sympathies on the matter. Sometimes these things can be solved by drawing up a wishlist, and other times, the problem goes much deeper.

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  • 01
    HAPPY RT
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA FOR TELLING MY HUSBAND MY BIRTHDAY GIFT IS TERRIBLE.
    via Typical_Region_8564
  • 03
    AITA? I just turned 30. My husband (37) has his birthday ten days before mine. He has expressed to me in the past that he received a Christmas card from an ex that had a $20 bill in it and that she would give him unthoughtful gifts regularly (he told me this when we were first dating, just some context). I have told him I'm really excited to turn 30 and have been excited for this milestone for sometime now.
    via Typical_Region_8564
  • 04
    Because I know he appreciates thoughtful gifts, I had my sisters watch our son, and planned a romantic date. We went to a speak easy, as he really likes them, and then I packed us a picnic with a drink and paint set- up type of thing. I also got him some custom gifts that I knew he would love. For days after he expressed how this was his best birthday and he's so grateful and felt so loved and special.
    via Typical_Region_8564
  • 05
    Now my birthday is approaching and he's raving about the gift he's gotten me and how I'm going to love it. Full disclosure, we both make decent money, but I dread the gifts he gets me because he's not the best gift buyer but I know he's thoughtful and that means more to me. He keeps going on about this gift and he's excited so I start getting nervous, it's delayed in shipping and he's a bit upset. The gift came in and he got me a blanket. Nothing custom or anything, just a massive blanket for ou
    via Typical_Region_8564
  • 06
    He made reservations for my birthday for us two for a speak easy sushi restaurant. The place was great, food was great, and drinks were ok. It was nice to have some time alone but it felt like a club and we could barely converse.
    via Typical_Region_8564
  • 07
    About me: 1. I hate snuggling, his love language is touch, mine is not. I don't like being touched and snuggling is not something I enjoy. He knows this. 2. I had our son 6 months ago, my hormones are still unbalanced and I'm always HOT. We live in San Diego where it's still 85 degrees end of October. 3.I'm not a big drinker. I never have been 3. I have a hearing impediment so, I struggle making conversation in regular restaurant environments.
    via Typical_Region_8564
  • 08
    I know I sound so bratty because yes, I have a partner who planned something and bought me something, but I just feel so unheard and unappreciated and I want to tell him I have the gift but I don't want to hurt his feelings Am I the a_h_le? EDIT: I have communicated things I like. With photos and everything. I'm not one to not communicate. I communicate I very blunt and up front about everything.
    via Typical_Region_8564
  • 09
    threebecomeone NTA. Clearly he needs more help in knowing what to get you. This isn't about love languages or cuddling. He got you a blanket that isn't anything special, for a birthday that you were very excited about. Did he even put thought into the blanket? Or was he just concerned about his needs or is it just the top 5 things in a Google search for "birthday gifts for her". To be his thought wasn't there
    via threebecomeone
  • 10
    Typical_Region_8564 OP It feels like it was more to satisfy something he wanted to do. It's been like this for years and it just hurts. It's not about love languages, it's just more of feeling unheard and under appreciated.
    via Typical_Region_8564
  • 11
    dazechong Have you ever talked to him about this?
    via dazechong
  • 12
    Typical_Region_8564 OP I have. I'm an over communicator. When I try to have conversations with him, he shuts down
    via Typical_Region_8564
  • 13
    dazechong Okay. I think he does that cos he knows you'd drop it. I'd say tell him one last time. Not even as a discussion. But like, if you don't do something about this, then I'm no longer going to put anymore effort into any of the days that matter to you. Then stop putting effort into his birthdays (or any special days). Give him one sock for his birthday, and another different sock on his next birthday, so he can't even have a pair if he wants to.
    via dazechong
  • 14
    cressidacole You're not bratty. For his birthday, you thought about what he wanted. And for your birthday, he thought about what he wanted. NTA.
    via cressidacole
  • 15
    dominiquetiu He essentially had two birthdays. :(
    via dominiquetiu
  • 16
    Fun_Influence_3397 Exactly! He likes snuggling, he likes drinking. So he got you a blanket he'd enjoy and took you to a place he'd enjoy. He didn't consider you at all. Gifts are about the thought, and he's thoughts are about him him him. Since talking to him doesn't work, just start planning his birthdays with yourself in mind. Least you'll both a day you'll each enjoy then.
    via Fun_Influence_3397
  • 17
    JetltTogether NTA: His gifts were things HE likes to do with you... Not things you like. A blanket, because HE likes to cuddle with you. A speakeasy/night of drinking because HE likes speakeasies. A crowded club atmosphere because HE liked the environment. None of those are things you like... You don't like cuddling. You have trouble hearing in crowded spaces. You don't really drink (and may not be drinking much if at all due to potentially breast feeding/pumping for a six month old). You litera
    via JetItTogether
  • 18
    DontTouchMyCocoa NTA, I'm so sorry to hear this! Do you think he's intentionally a bad gift giver or is he just a bit clueless? Maybe something you could try is something my husband and I do? We made a Google spreadsheet with gift ideas on it. We always struggle to think of what we want around our birthdays and anniversary, but throughout the year things will cross our mind so instead of counting on our brains remembering them when the time comes, we add it to the spreadsheet with a link and des
    via DontTouchMyCocoa
  • 19
    Hyperventilating Deer I like this! And I totally agree it's more romantic than mediocre or tone deaf gifts. Being intentional is romantic. Caring that you actually make your partner happy is romantic. Not caring or just doing it out of habit/obligation makes it feel like a burden.
    via HyperventilatingDeer
  • 20
    paralelepipedx Things that are clearly not planned with the other person in mind are worse than no plans imo. You are not bratty for hoping that your husband and father of your child knew this things aboout. He has slept next to you at least once. He should know about you running hot and not liking physical touch. You are truly asking for some common sense. And as a tiny personal note, I really don't like it when men get women presents that are for the whole family instead of just for her. Women
    via paralelepipedx
  • 21
    mrskoobra Bingo. Also OP mentioned having her baby six months ago, so on top of not liking too much physical touch, she's probably running into the period of time when a lot of moms become really touched out. When my first baby was around that age I had to ask my husband to literally not touch me until at least an hour after the baby had gone to sleep because my nervous system was totally shot and any additional touch was so overwhelming. OP hit a milestone birthday after the birth of a child an
    via mrskoobra
  • 22
    EducationalSplit8876 so...he basically got you a bowling ball with HOMER on it.
    via EducationalSplit8876
  • 23
    Ninja HidingintheOpen NTA. Ask him to explain why he thought this would be a great gift for you, that you are really interested in his thought process. Even if you ask, 'What made you think of a blanket?' because he should discover himself during his explanation that the gift isn't for you. If he's got nothing, you'll know he's full of Otherwise, I'd 'swap' birthdays. On his birthday he gets you a gift and vise versa so you can match his thoughtfulness. Or, get him something you want for his bir
    via NinjaHidingintheOpen
  • 24
    JustALizzyLife I hate the expression "love language" as it's become an excuse to be selfish and self-centered. My gf hates surprises, but that's my love language, so I guess she'll have to deal! My husband hates to snuggle, but that's my love language, so I'll buy them gifts I'd like and guilt them into doing what I want. My SO gets migraines from strong scents, but my love language is through essential oils, so I'm burning incense in every room. It's ridiculous.
    via JustALizzyLife
  • 25
    springflowers68 NTA and I think we know why his ex gave him a card with a little cash. Seriously, though, find a good time to talk about the subject of gifts, what is of importance to each of you and how things can be different in the future. Next milestone birthday you might want to plan yourself or have a sibling or close friend make suggestions. Some people are not great at gift giving, but can learn to do better.
    via springflowers68

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aita birthday communication wife gift relationships husband blanket reddit thread Reddit
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