‘We would have around 21 children at our wedding!’: Bride Sparks Discussion on Having a ‘Child-Free’ Wedding

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Nov 2, 2024 10:00 PM EDT

Are you getting married soon or know someone who is? Are you a parent or child-free? Would you allow children to attend your wedding? There are two sides to every story. It's difficult to have empathy when you are planning something that is supposed to be all about you. Which is totally fair! You're allowed to make decisions for you when planning your own wedding. It just feels difficult when you want all of your loved ones to be there, but some of them do not have the same idea of a "good time" as you. For instance, parents love their children very dearly and want to share as many beautiful nights together with them as much as possible—especially nights when the entire family is involved, like a wedding. But some brides and grooms, rightfully so, do not want to share their evening with their friends and family's kids. It's true that when you bring a kid, your attention is now stolen because you have to keep an eye on the kid. Is it fair to say "no kids allowed" when planning a wedding? See what others think below!

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  • 01
    "I simply want people to be in the moment and not to worry about somebody else... He told me that if their kids are not invited they will not attend my wedding at all.."
    via Unsplash+ (and Mikael Kristenson)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 

  • 02
    AITA for having a child free wedding without exceptions? I (31 female) just got engaged to my fiancé (35 male). We sent our wedding invitations out where we stated, that we wont have kids at our wedding in the evening. At the ceremony they are all very welcome.
    via AskingIsAlright
  • 03
    Now my brother (38 male) who has 2 children is very upset and disappointed in me that I dont want their children at my wedding. He even cried. Since I am the bride, I could easily make an exception for them. I told him that we did only choose between having all children or no children at all since in my opinion, it is rather harsh to say some kids can come and others are not invited.
    via AskingIsAlright
  • 04
    Some context: • we would have around 21 children at our wedding • a lot of music and alcol is planned in the evening I simply want people to be in the moment an not to worry about somebody else He told me that if their kids are not invited they will not attend my wedding at all..
    via AskingIsAlright
  • 05
    Now I am teared if I should make an exception for them since of course I want him to be there. But on the other hand it is sad that he would not just attend MY wedding for me. And also it would cause other drama with other parents if their kid is not invited, but there are exceptions. Also his reason for why he is upset is simply that I dont want their kids to be there in the first place. But it is really not about them particularly. AITA for not inviting them? And what should I do?
    via AskingIsAlright
  • 06
    EDIT: okey I am not the a h le for not inviting them but i am for not talking to him beforehand.. I already appllogized to him for that...since it means a lot to my brother.. i rather have 3 kids there than him not being there at all.. this may sound like a people pleasing thing but in the end.. i cannot enjoy my wedding if there is so much drama about it. And I would feel awful the whole day...
    via AskingIsAlright
  • 07
    Now I need to check with my fiancé if he would agree.. es it is his wedding too. Then I need to talk to my brother again.. Thank you all for your help! In the end.. everbody can do what they want...we all just have to deal with the consequenses.
    via AskingIsAlright
  • 08
    MostlyCats95 You can have a child free wedding and that is absolutely fine. Just know if you have one you don't get to be upset when people decide not to attend. The second you EVER bring up your brother not attending to try and win an argument in the future, or if you b to people in your life about it, you become the a hole.
    via MostlyCats95
  • 09
    thro... Your brother priority is his family not you. When you made rules that excluded a part of his family, you should have thought about him not coming too. You can be sad that he is not there but you can't hold it against him. His family is his family.
    via throwRA094532
  • 10
    If you have children one day, you will also make choices according to them. Some people simply don't want to pay for a babysitter because they want to bring their children with them everywhere. My parents where like that. If we weren't welcomed somewhere, they would politely decline and say they aren't available. They didn't want to hang out without us. They didn't even drink that much until we got out of the house for this reason. We were their life and they didn't see a party without us there,
    via throwRA094532
  • 11
    Of course you want your brother there but you can simply say: << I I would love to have you there but I understand that you can't because you want to be with your children. I love my nephews, I really do. But I want to have this one last adult only party before I move on to the next chapter of my life. We can celebrate another time if you cannot make it. >> Good luck and congrats on your wedding
    via throwRA094532
  • 12
    YFMAS Wedding invites are not summons. He's not a bad guy for declining because he doesn't want to go to a wedding that excludes his family. He'd be an if he was giving you ab sh and bullying you for it. ive He's probably not going to be the only person to decline and that's okay.
    via YFMAS
  • 13
    Restl... Nah You are find for having a child free wedding He does not need to attend, child free weddings make some people feel unwelcome and make the event unenjoyable... it's your event but it's an invite not a summons
    via RestInPeaceLater
  • 14
    YTA if you pressure him to come or he would Be the AH if he pressures you to invite his kids. you've added a complication to your wedding that will make it unattractive to attend for some and you need to be gracious to those who feel like the rules restrict them from attending comfortably
    via RestInPeaceLater
  • 15
    It is a bit weird to think this will make "people in the moment" it will make some parents itchy to leave and hyper vigilant with their sitters and less present. It's fine to not want kids their, you don't get to control how not having kids there make their parents engage
    via RestInPeaceLater
  • 16
    CenterofChaos NAH. Every wedding forum from the beginning of time will tell you, you have every right to have a childfree wedding. However you also have to be prepared for some of your guests to be unable to attend over it.
    via CenterofChaos
  • 17
    I don't know anything about your relationship with your brother, or his life and options for child care. You gotta hash that out, but ultimately the question is, is having a child free wedding worth missing a key guest (your brother) or is having the guest more important than being child free.
    via CenterofChaos
  • 18
    celticmusebooks You are free to have a childfree wedding HOWEVER etiquette demands that your response to people declining the invitation MUST be a gracious smile and saying "I understand completely-- you'll be missed." If you make even the slightest attempt to bully, guilt or send in the flying monkeys to sway them you are in the wrong. Seriously, no pout faces, no passive aggressive snarky quips.
    via celticmusebooks
  • 19
    Wedding etiquette would allow for the children of immediate family to be included in a "childfree" event but doesn't demand it and you seem pretty adamant about excluding your brother's kids. Honestly, with the exception of nursing infants and people travelling from out of town I've never understood parents who can't attend a single one day event without their kids. But, whatever floats their boat.
    via celticmusebooks
  • 20
    Weddingstressmeowt NTA, a grown adult CRYING because they can't bring their kids to a party is so out of pocket. He's just being manipulative, unless they have to travel for the wedding there's no reason they can't get a babysitter.
    via Weddingstressmeowt
  • 21
    ThatBit... No, you're not an a hole. Your brother isn't an ah le either. Having a kid free wedding means dealing with the consequences of some adults not coming.
    via That*itchA
  • 22
    For us, we're late 30s and wanted our niblings at our wedding. We'll have beer, wine, and lots of music. I don't understand why any of those things are bad for kids to be around. And we've had fun planning elements for the kiddos. Eta - we'll have approx 20 kids at our wedding, ages ranging from 5- 19 year olds. Counting the 19 year old because she would prefer the kids' food option.
    via That*itchA
  • 23
    Disney-fan-1201 You are absolutely entitled to have a child free wedding but you then have to accept that some people won't come and you can't get annoyed by that. You have to work out what you want more, a child free wedding or certain people to attend your wedding.
    via Disney-fan-1201

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bride marriage child free weddings child free Groomsmen groom wedding planning bridesmaids wedding dicussions bridal shower bridal party getting married parenting new parents Reddit weddings parents
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