'She is so hurt that I wrote it': Fed-up worker writes review about toxic ex-boss who told her not to ask for a raise, boss lashes out in scathing text message

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 10, 2024 4:00 PM EST

It's always a little bit awkward to leave a job. You have your reasons for leaving, but you might not be on the best of terms with everyone there. You might be leaving because of a toxic environment or a toxic boss. You want to leave behind a place that made you feel bad about yourself or didn't value your contributions. If that's the case, then you might want to leave as quietly as possible, out like a lamb, because ruffling any feathers might make you feel worse. But you still need an outlet for your frustrations, and you may want to give them feedback. It's a noble idea because theoretically they could take you seriously and attempt to change. Or at the very least, prospective employees might be deterred. All to say, writing a review of a job is not a bad thing. And you certainly shouldn't receive any backlash from it. 

But that's not what happened in this situation, where a worker spoke her mind and got a weird text message in return. Read on for the story. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10425977600
    via Unsplash+ (Annie Spratt)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

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    My ex-boss texted me privately after I posted a public anonymous review of their company
    via u/Wannahelpyaall
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    I am honestly still appalled and would appreciate any advice or opinions from all of you. For background - I worked for this company since beginning of 2022 and resigned couple months ago - originally I resigned even without having another job offer, as I couldn't bare with the environment anymore, but I got a great job offer shortly after. In these 2,5 years there, I experienced
    via u/Wannahelpyaall
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    so much and got burnt out so bad, I used to not be able to sleep or have nightmares about my boss and work. I will not get into the company, only my boss. She was not a bad person in general but extremely unsuitable to be any kind of leader. She was very moody, snapping at people in meetings in front of the other team members for no reason, not showing up to meetings and not letting us know so we ended up waiting hours for her, not being able to lead anyone, because she didn't
    via u/Wannahelpyaall
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    understand the concept of even how to have 1:1 meeting, never coming through on any promises, giving too much work to overworked people but giving the budget of their raises to other people who didn't deserve it, not being able to stand up for anyone in her team and favouring only people of her own nationality and anyone foreign never got any promotion. Not seeing a disparity between workload of two people when one was working 50 hours every week and other was barely having any work at all and t
    via u/Wannahelpyaall
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    them same and giving them same appraisal. Making us work on sick leave because not only could no one take on them the extra work, but also because if she said she would do it, she didn't know how cause she was too busy with who knows what that she didn't even know procedures of her own team and she would end up texting us on when we were sick and we had to do the work because if not, she would mess it up and we would have more work later.
    via u/Wannahelpyaall
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    There is much more, but I will just give one more example - after 1 year I was told I did amazing and will get a raise, it was I think 100 euro raise I got and she said that it's because I will have a role change soon, so I will see the raise there. When my role change came, she said I will get the minimum for the role there is by the law - I was asking why and that I expected at least something. and that's when I was hit with her telling me that after this 1,5 years I still
    via u/Wannahelpyaall
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    have no experience, and that I should not even be asking for any extra money and should be grateful for even this. It was after I was having the best performance from the team etc, I was devastated and almost cried, how humiliating it was and made me question myself.
    via u/Wannahelpyaall
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    Well as I wrote before, later on it was too much and I quit and now after couple of months in new job I decided to write a review. I was very polite, stick with the rules of the page, didn't name and only wrote down what I actually experienced, I also talked it over with couple other people who had similar experiences, asking if it was alright, as I just wanted to share my experience. And I also didn't mention anything that is some company secret or much worse stuff she done to me, I maybe wrote
    via u/Wannahelpyaall
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    Fast forward to know, I received a private message from my ex-boss that is super long and to sum it up - she is writing as a private person because she is so hurt that I wrote it and what I wrote and how sad it makes her, etc... Please also note that my review is about 90 % about the company and board and 10 % of my old boss. I was more expecting them to serve me with some legal papers that she texting me how hurt and sad she is and how she didn't know how bitter I was about the company.
    via u/Wannahelpyaall
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    And again, I quit without a job in the first place and they know it, I told my feedback to her boss and other people and when trying to say to her, she didn't let me finish one sentence and immediately got mad at me. So I didn't press it further as I already resigned. I think she took me working very hard till my last day as that everything is okay, when I only did it cause my colleagues were already so overworked and then left without me, I just wanted to help.
    via u/Wannahelpyaall
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    So I would like to know if you think I should reply or not or what to do? My plan so far is to just ignore it, but I am so mad at this emotional blackmail and manipulation...
    via u/Wannahelpyaall
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    Only_Tip9560 · 8h ago Do not respond. Do not acknowledge to her that you wrote the review. Block and move on. You owe this woman and this company nothing and acknowledging that you wrote the review could cause you problems.
    via u/Only_Tip9560
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    NaughtyNFlirtyXo 6h ago. • I support this. OP owe her absolutely nothing. She endured a toxic environment, gave honest feedback, and even checked with others to ensure fairness. The fact that she's reaching out personally just shows how little she understands boundaries. OP did the right thing by moving on.
    via u/NaughtyNFlirtyXo
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    • tommy6860 5h ago. Agreed, ignore her! Don't give her ammunition to gaslight, justify her (in)actions, attitude and especially giving her acknowledgement that the former employee cares about what she had to say in the first place, IOWs, don't make them feel credible by acknowledging their response. She is obviously in an advanced stage of narcissism if going by the descriptions of the former. employee's treatment under her management.
    via u/tommy6860
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    tetsujin108 7h ago • Repeating the consensus message to you. Pls do not respond as you will show acknowledgement to your ex boss. Even if this gets you mad, ignore and move on. It is a bait tactic that they are using, and if you acknowledge, possible grounds for legal action. NAL.
    via u/tetsujin108
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    Weaksoul • 6h ago "She's not a bad person...' II proceeds to write an essay on why she is, infact a terrible person
    via u/Weaksoul
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    WhatsaJandal • 7h ago Ignore is the correct response. Once you leave a company of indoctrinated people they often look at your linkedin etc. Just laugh they are still in that world and move on.
    via u/WhatsaJandal
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    rpaynepiano • 6h ago • As all have said Do not engage, do not reply, do not pass go, do not collect £200, do not acknowledge or admit that you wrote it. You do and oh look law suit. Boss is literally fishing.
    via u/rpaynepiano
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    Creepy_Creme9260 6h ago • . Do not reply. It gives you a legal edge. If she continues to write you you can file harassment and God forbid she actually start threatening or being ab ive in some way. Makes your case that much stronger. As much as it may feel good to be able tonwrite back amd express whatever thoughts you may have it's in your best interest to stay silent.
    via u/Creepy_Creme9260
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    Ulerica 7h ago • . Laugh about how petty it is, then ignore. You're not in the company anymore, unless they do something legal-worthy then they are none of your business, much less their pathetic "feelings"
    via u/Ulerica

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