Woman Fed Up With Disrespectful Daughter-in-law After Years of Red Flags, She Cuts Contact With Son When DIL Refuses to Apologize for Offensive Name Calling

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Nov 10, 2024 1:00 PM EST

We're all familiar with the notion that you can't choose your family. We can't choose who our mothers are, who our fathers are, or our siblings. We're stuck with them for life, and it's something we all have to adjust to. Fortunately or unfortunately, we can't choose our in-laws either. If your son marries a wily, disrespectful, horrible woman, then what choice do you have? You have to deal with her to some capacity, or you have to cut contact with your own son. 

This brings us to the Reddit thread. In this story, the original poster (OP) is a woman who is fed up with her horrible, toxic daughter in-law. For years she's seen the red flags, and her worry has only caused more drama between herself and her son. She didn't even have the option to take distance with this disrespectful, name-calling woman because they had nowhere to turn, so she took them in. For far too long, she let her son, his wife, and the wife's children live at her place rent free. One bad thing led to another, and they eventually moved out, albeit not without their drama ruminating in the relationship. You'll have to read the full story below for all the juicy details. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH 11 hr. ago True-Raspberry-5370 AITAH for cutting my son out of my life after his wife crossed the point of no return with her disrespect
    via u/True-Raspberry-5370
  • 02
    My son, 28 and his wife, 26 are expecting their 1st child together, my 1st grandchild. She has 2 kids from a previous relationship that was a toxic DV situation. They met while he had one more year on a good path to his future.
    via u/True-Raspberry-5370
  • 03
    From the moment I heard about her, I had red flags regarding her b/c she had just gotten out of DV sitch with no healing time and straight to my son with all of that. He barely knew her outside of some online chatting and hookups, when all of a sudden he's marrying her cause she claimed to be pregnant and he's
    via u/True-Raspberry-5370
  • 04
    going to "do the right thing." Despite me trying to pump the brakes on that, they get married, and the day or 2 after the marriage, she miscarried. Red flag.
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  • 05
    The next thing i know, his bright path to a great future is slowly but surely being derailed by Sugar (i stole that from another redditer and found it fit perfectly to her-thank, you random redditer,
    via u/True-Raspberry-5370
  • 06
    Then, about a year after they got married, they moved into my basement so he could go to school to get back on track to a bright future. The whole family, him, her, and her kids in my basement for free for almost 6 months. I got to witness first hand the decline of my son, to the point of almost looking at a
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  • 07
    stranger and their very highly toxic codependent relationship. Unless it disrupted my peace, I was able to remove myself from all of that so I didn't have to go out of my character at Sugar
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  • 08
    However, since he's my son, I still tried to work with him to find better healthier ways to deal with their strife. Needless to say, during my time of trying to coach my son, she saw it as me talking sh about her and talked at me like I was her age or a stranger on the street. Always when she was in another state (they went away
    via u/True-Raspberry-5370
  • 09
    every weekend to her home state) and always via text cause she already knew she was walking a very thin line with me with her slick mouth or what i like to call the BBBB (big, bad, bold, b ) that wouldn't dare say this stuff to my face let alone within driving distance. So just trying to give my son advice would then result in
    via u/True-Raspberry-5370
  • 10
    incoherent screaming matches over the phone with my son trying to referee and give validity to both our points, despite the fact that hers was just downright disrespectful and any points that were trying to be made and heard fall to the wayside. And the vicious cycle continues.
    via u/True-Raspberry-5370
  • 11
    Now, the disrepect was there and was always somewhat resolved before they came back. For the purpose of showing my son that I wasn't going to abandon him despite all and to try and get along with this vile creature so that I could maintain a relationship with my son I let A LOT go.
    via u/True-Raspberry-5370
  • 12
    Fast forward to about 4mos ago, they had moved out and back to her home state before he finished his schooling for the bright future. This was due to her unhappiness of doing nothing but having to sit in my basement and be a parent, which i found quite lacking, but that's another story for another time. Plus, I told
    via u/True-Raspberry-5370
  • 13
    him from the beginning as long as he's doing the right things for his future he can stay free, but the minute he's not, they have to start paying or get out.
    via u/True-Raspberry-5370
  • 14
    They're back in her state. He's struggling to find steady employment b/c she totaled their car and then decides to blow up on him for not coming straight home after work, resulting in him getting fired. Btw, she's cost him a few jobs at this point and has no problem showing my son how to work the system to get
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  • 15
    assistance from the government and not contribute to society. Which is not how he was raised.
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  • 16
    In between all of this she gets pregnant and we start to slowly try and build some kind of relationship for about 2mos until they get into a fight where she felt it was OK to text me with a shruggy emoji that she's going to have my son killed. Point of no return #1. After all of that toxicity that I'm not going into, i was
    via u/True-Raspberry-5370
  • 17
    literally done with her and just trying to get my son out. Things looked good like he was coming home. On day 3, they decided to work it out cause she's pregnant. Okay, I get it. I don't agree at all, but now I'm in offensive mode with him to make sure he protects himself going forward. Well, Sugar overheard me,
    via u/True-Raspberry-5370
  • 18
    and slick mouth started to the point where I hung up. I went into my phone account and I disabled her phone(she was on family plan that my son asked awhile ago if she could be added), to which she used several other unrecognizable numbers to call me the worse derogatory names you could possible think of to call
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  • 19
    someone. Mind you, she never apologized for threatening to kill my son or really any other time she's come out of her mouth the wrong way towards me.
    via u/True-Raspberry-5370
  • 20
    Im sad and hurt that my son would allow someone to speak to me like that and decided for my own mental health. I needed to just remove him and her completely from my life. I told him that when he's ready to divorce and co parent with her, I'll be right here for him. Otherwise, I want nothing to do with him
    via u/True-Raspberry-5370
  • 21
    while he's with her. I'm hoping time will heal, but I'm also afraid of what my sons are becoming and how this is changing who i raised. And I'm afraid I'll never get him back. And that's where my heart really breaks thinking of that.
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  • 22
    Do you think i did the right thing? Edit: I was going to edit out the name calling cause it distracts from the point I'm trying to make but decided to leave it in cause editing it now wouldn't make sense once ppl starting reading the comments. Overall, I received some good feedback despite the name calling, so hopefully, others
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  • 23
    will see through and past that to continue giving good feedback. I gave more context within some of the posts, so if you have the patience to view those great. But if not, here are a few answers and a little more context
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  • 24
    *** **My son and I were very close. I told him that as a child, he could come to me for anything, and he did. Even the uncomfortable stuff. ***He asked my advice on everything. When it came time for me to step back and allow him to find his own way, I did that. But i always gave him advice when he asked.
    via u/True-Raspberry-5370
  • 25
    ***I tried to stay out of his marriage as best I could but there's only so much distance you can give when living under the same roof and they both would try to put me in the middle to which i would tell them to leave me out it.
    via u/True-Raspberry-5370
  • 26
    ***She set the tone of our relationship when she sent either a fake pic of herself or one so altered of herself that facial recognition may not have caught it was her. And refused to face time with me off the bat because of anxiety. We still had not met, and she was married to my son after I just found out she existed maybe a week prior.
    via u/True-Raspberry-5370
  • 27
    ***They live in another state about 5 hours away where he met and married her *** *additional instant red flags for me was the fact that she was coming off a bad situation/relationship with the kids' father who was in jail for abusing their son and was now married to my son without
    via u/True-Raspberry-5370
  • 28
    getting the help se needed first. ***I'm not lying about what I've written. But I don't expect anyone to take that face value. *** I'm currently in therapy. ***I've had DV in my life. However, my son had no clue what was happening while it was happening, and I confirmed that
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  • 29
    with him when he and I had an adult conversation when he was 18. I'm not foolish enough to think what happened to me was completely oblivious to my son or that he didn't put 2:2 together as he got older but I do know that the really bad stuff always happened when he was away on the weekends with his dad.
    via u/True-Raspberry-5370
  • 30
    Outside of therapy, I never sought out any additional help once I got out of that situation ***To one redditer that pointed it out, my son is more like me than I'm willing to admit. He has a big heart, and he lets the worse ones in to stomp all over it and ab e him. That's my greatest fear for him, it's taken me years to know
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  • 31
    my worth and to come out the other side of all that. And to watch him go down that same path is almost too much for me to bear.
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  • 32
    ×××His father and I haven't talked since my son turned 18 due to him and I butting heads over how to raise our son and his wife talking bad about me in front of my son, even though I never did that regarding them two and what they did to me. Which is why I tell ppl to be careful who you have kids with. That's another story.
    via u/True-Raspberry-5370
  • 33
    • marflowr 11h ago • NTA. At the end of the day, he's an adult and you need to protect your own peace. You can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. One day, he'll realize all you did for him. Give it time, things will work out.
    via u/marflowr
  • 34
    SummerStar62 • 9h ago • Oh, I suspect there's a whole other side to this that we aren't hearing. And I would love to hear from her.
    via u/SummerStar62

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