"Roommate thinks my cat is 'our' cat": Fed Up Cat Owner Tries to Find Peaceful Ways to Navigate A Frustrating Feline Conflict

Author image for kalila courban
kalila courban
Nov 11, 2024 4:00 PM EST

Those of us who have at some point in our lives lived with roommates know that having roommates can be a total disaster. Speaking from my own experience, moving to a big city and needing to find an apartment ASAP causes you to compromise on some things, but roommates shouldn't be one of them. Unfortunately, that's often the way the cookie crumbles. From messy roommates to roommates who use the kitchen to cook the weirdest and most unappealing foods, to roommates who never take their clothes out of the dryer, there often is much to be desired. 

For the original poster of the thread we are featuring today, a frustrating feline situation left them feeling confused and fed up as to how to approach their roommate. The roommate in question completely crossed the line when it came to OP's cat, often referring to the cat as their shared cat, rather than OP's cat. The kicker is that this cat is OP's childhood cat and of course, OP covers all of the cat's expenses. What would you do in a situation like this? We would have to move out at all costs. 

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  • 01
    Roommate thinks my cat is "our" cat.
    via purpleurpleunicorn
  • 02
    Hello! I would like to start by saying, I try to be a very amicable roommate and am generally pretty carefree when it comes to most things. I have lived with my roommate for about 3 years now and we have had our fair share of problems but have always gotten through them and remain good friends.
    via purpleurpleunicorn
  • 03
    About a month ago I brought my cat from my parents house to our apartment. I have had her since she was a kitten and am now able to have a cat in my apartment so I brought her. Ever since then, my roommate has been weirdly possessive about my cat and seems to believe that we share custody. She insists that she sleeps in her bed at night and will steal her from my lap. She has even made comments about "sharing custody" when I move in with my partner next year.
    via purpleurpleunicorn
  • 04
    I do not like confrontation or conflict so I've been trying to avoid saying anything to her. I mainly just want to know if I am being unreasonable or if my concerns are valid.
    via purpleurpleunicorn
  • 05
    Edit: I probably should have mentioned this in the original post but my cat used to be a barn cat and if she went back home she would have to live outside. She has adapted really well to being indoors and u do not want to force her back outside because she does not do well I. The Winter. She is microchipped
    via purpleurpleunicorn
  • 06
    Edit 2: Thank you guys for all of the thoughtful and helpful advice! I would like to clarify a couple things and provide a brief update.
    via purpleurpleunicorn
  • 07
    I do make all of the purchases as well as do all of the chores for the cat. However, I am a full time college student with a much heavier course load than my roommate. Because of this, my roommate gets to spend many hours at home alone with my cat and I get none at home alone with her. In top of this, I have a 12 month lease that I cannot break (I would have if at all possible because of other issues) and my boyfriend cannot have pets at his current apartment. This makes it more frustrating beca
    via purpleurpleunicorn
  • 08
    As an update, I have not talked to my roommate yet as I am very busy with exams, but I did go into her room to take my cat. She made many biscuits and slept very peacefully on my bed all night.
    via purpleurpleunicorn
  • 09
    Another thing I've noticed is that she does not sleep on my roommates bed unless forced (my roommate holding onto her) and will only sleep under her bed. She also has become uncomfortable with being picked up, which I have always called her my little parrot since she likes to sit on my shoulders, and I believe it also comes from my roommate picking her up to force her to sit with her or even doing things like spinning her in circles.
    via purpleurpleunicorn
  • 10
    Historical_Ad981 • 6d ago • OP I was in the situation and it drove me insane. I hear you that you don't like conflict, but you gotta address it. Point out that you pay for her food, litter, vet visits etc. in my situation, after that conversation, the roommate ended up getting their own cat
    via Historical_Ad981
  • 11
    kimchimerchant 6d ago . • That is bizarre behavior if she is serious. Direct is the best policy in this situation, IMO - I don't necessarily think it will need to be confrontational. If they mention it again, I'd personally say "Hey X, I appreciate how much you love (cat's name), but I don't consider this our cat if we are speaking custody." If you don't want to have the above conversation, you really don't owe it to her either (I mean this nicely).
    via kimchimerchant
  • 12
    Winter-Metal-3278 6d ago. . Is your cat microchipped? Make sure you have established ownership on all important documents and you need to unfortunately have an uncomfortable conversation with her to make things clear if you won't take her back to your parents
    via Winter-Metal-3278
  • 13
    magicalgirl • 6d ago. This is very strange behavior. I was thinking maybe you adopted your cat while you were living together, but this is absolutely 100% your cat. Make sure you have the cat microchipped, have paperwork proving she's yours, etc. Have you asked your roommate why they're behaving like this? I think you can do it in a non- confrontational way. Like if they take the cat off your lap or otherwise, just ask them "why are you moving my cat?" and see what they say. If they're a normal
    via magicalgirl
  • 14
    Maybe your roommate is awkward and lonely? Is it possible for them to get their own cat? This is so weird and I'm sorry you have to deal with this
    via magicalgirl
  • 15
    • Cautious_Try1588 6d ago. Your concerns are valid. Perhaps you should go visit your parents with the cat and have her live there the remainder of your lease. Say something like she's homesick. It'd be more of a grey area if you two adopted a new cat together, and both of you took them to the vet appointments. However, this is a pretty weird situation where any reasonable person wouldn't behave this way over a roommate's family cat.
    via Cautious_Try1588
  • 16
    Kristasaurus_Rex 6d ago. . With love... as that animal's owner, you are also their champion. You need to set clear expectations with your roommate. Use ChatGPT to get some help with positioning, but you need to have the conversation. note that I said conversation and not confrontation. There's a big difference there, and you set the tone. Approach in a calm, respectful and friendly way
    via Kristasaurus_Rex
  • 17
    IndividualScarcity40 6d ago. . I would be . You mentioned you are not a confrontational person, but you need to advocate for your cat. If it's not microchipped, do it asap. Make sure all documents are under your name. I would never, ever let anyone else think that my cat is someone else's. Even when I was divorcing ny ex, he didn't even mention taking the cat, as he knew that would be out of the question. I can't believe someone has this concern with a roomate.
    via IndividualScarcity40
  • 18
    Perimentalpause • 5d ago • Every time your roommate makes these comments, shoot them down. "I want shared custo-" "No." /comes to take the cat from your lap /swat her hand away. "Please leave my cat alone. This is my cat, not yours. Not ours. Mine." You're going to need to get confrontational because I can see this escalating to her taking the cat and hiding it somewhere when you go to move.
    via Perimentalpause

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hilarious cat dilemma fed up felines cute cats goofball feline goofy silly roommates Cats conflict
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