Foster family refuse to call 16-year-old by his real name, get offended when he begins to ignore them: 'It bothers them so much'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Nov 11, 2024 4:00 PM EST

It is amazing how easy it can be to annoy other people with only the bare facts of your existence. There are so many different prejudices and preconceptions out there that it has probably happened to all of us at one point or another. However, some people are more strongly affected by this phenomenon than others and have fewer opportunities to stick up for themselves without pushback. 

This is what one teenage boy felt when some of the extended members of his foster family chose to knowingly call him by the wrong name because they didn't like the name he had been given at birth. His foster parents encouraged him to start ignoring them whenever the wrong name was used, which he did—causing drama over a family dinner. He worried that he may have to give in and let them use a different name, but the internet was on his side.

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    Cheezburger Image 10427428096
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for not responding when someone doesn't use my actual name?
    via Worldly-Pea-5367
  • 03
    My (16m) name is Nico and it's not short for anything. On my birth certificate it says Nico middle name last name. This is something a few people can't understand and some people call me Nicholas. Even teachers who see me on the class list as Nico and not Nicholas.
    via Worldly-Pea-5367
  • 04
    I'm a foster kid. I've been in the system since I was 2. My mom is the only bio family I know but she's not able to take care of me. I see her twice a year through court ordered visits. But nobody in her family and I don't have anything to do with my paternal side.
    via Worldly-Pea-5367
  • 05
    I've been with my current foster family for three years and I'm really happy with my foster parents and foster siblings. My foster parents actually want to help the kids they foster and their kids are cool with their parents fostering and don't buy me or others for stealing their families. So I hope I get to stay until I age out of the system.
    via Worldly-Pea-5367
  • 06
    My only problem is some of their extended family are snobs and they don't like calling me Nico. So they call me Nicholas even after being corrected a million times. My foster parents have explained that my name is actually Nico, not Nicholas. But the reply is always "But Nico is short for Nicholas!" A couple of the extended family have encouraged me to change my name because Nicholas sounds much more professional for an adult male, which I will be soon. I was like no thanks.
    via Worldly-Pea-5367
  • 07
    My foster parents told me I should ignore whenever someone calls me Nicholas now. Unless they're new and just assume. But I can ignore their family members who do it. So that's what I did. I've ignored them a handful of times now and it bothers them so much.
    via Worldly-Pea-5367
  • 08
    Yesterday it happened twice because one kept trying to call "Nicholas" over and I just didn't go. The other asked "Nicholas" to pass the potatoes at dinner and I kept eating and didn't pass anything. I was then called out for ignoring them and my foster parents said nobody knew who they were talking to because there was no Nicholas at the table. One of my foster sisters said she assumed it was her "Nicole" and they got confused and that's why she passed it instead.
    via Worldly-Pea-5367
  • 09
    I was told I should be more open to the wisdom others offer with name suggestions and stop being r de by ignoring people. Even though my foster parents backed me up again. It made me feel a way because this really is my best foster experience and I don't want to I off people in my foster family. So AITA?
    via Worldly-Pea-5367
  • 10
    WhiteKnightPrimal NTA. Your foster parents sound great and clearly have your interests at heart. Even the other kids, at least one anyway, are standing up for you. Your name is Nico. Not Nicholas. It's extremely r de and disrespectful to deliberately call you by a name that isn't yours, especially with repeated corrections. It's even more ride and disrespectful to practically demand you change your name from something you like and see as yours to something you don't like and don't want. There's
    via WhiteKnightPrimal
  • 11
    Your name is your name and no one else gets to demand it be something different or call you by a name that isn't yours. Keep listening to your foster parents, it's them and their kids you want a good relationship with, not so much the extended family. And if you back down now, the extended family will never respect you and will continue to demand you change things they don't like against your will. Continue ignoring anyone who calls you by the wrong name unless it's an honest mistake. Continue l
    via WhiteKnightPrimal
  • 12
    Ok_Conversation9750 NTA. I'm glad your foster parents have your back. What they told you to do is exactly what I had to do for years. My last name (maiden name) was a very common first name as well. Lots of people would call me by my last name. I would ignore them until they called me either Ms. Last Name, or just by my first name. I guess since I did it as an adult in work settings, I didn't get sh for it like your relatives are doing, but the message was finally received and respected.
    via Ok_Conversation9750
  • 13
    Orphen_1989 NTA, keep ignoring them when they call you 'Nicholas' However I would add something, think up a different name for all of the people who keep calling you Nicholas. For example, Aunt Elizabeth is now Aunt Betty. Uncle Thomas is now Uncle Tommy. Even better if you can make it longer in stead of shorter like for example Grandma Rose is now Grandma Rosemary. If they get angry with you just say. "I think these names are much better and easyer to say, they will help you in life. You should
    via Orphen_1989
  • 14
    mszola I did this with someone who "just couldn't pronounce" my first name. In our case it was humorous, but every time she messed up my name, I called her a similar sounding name (think Mary/Marie, Dora/Donna). As I said, in our case it was accompanied by a lot of laughter, but darned if she didn't start pronouncing my name right after a few "corrections".
    via mszola
  • 15
    Tarik861 NTA. Your foster parents sound like winners. Listen to them and make sure they are in the loop. As long as you are happy and they are happy, who gives a rats patoot about what "extended family" think. The other thing you might consider is getting the offender's name wrong when you reply. "Nicolas, would you pass the potatoes"? "You bet, Mrs. Farnsworth-Wiggington. Here you go". "Nicolas, that's not my name" "Oh, I thought we were all making up new names for each other." (I realize the d
    via Tarik861
  • 16
    Glaucus92 See, I would do this but I would just add things to the names they already have. Susanthony. Richardilliam. Karenabelle. Jasonabeth. Make it sound super silly.
    via Glaucus92
  • 17
    Moppermonster NTA. Nico is a perfectly fine complete name, meaning "victory". I hope you will victorious in your battle to get others to use your name properly.
    via Moppermonster
  • 18
    Linkcott18 Nico can also be short for Nicolai, Nicola, Nicolo, Nicolas, Nicodemus, Nicolaus, Nicolaas, Nicomedes, etc., but... There are plenty of other people just named Nico. I don't get what the problem is? ΝΤΑ
    via Linkcott18
  • 19
    dolly_livx NTA. It is your name and people should respect that. It must be hard being in foster care and then having to deal with ignorant relatives.
    via dolly_livx
  • 20
    FinanciallySecure9 ΝΤΑ My name has an S in it, and people have always made that S a Z, and I hate it. In high school, I did exactly as you did. It didn't stop people, so I started calling them by a name that was close to theirs, but not quite. Like, teachers, I'd call them by their first name, not their proper salutation. That actually got them to stop. Once I became an adult, people were much more respectful. Your feelings matter too.
    via FinanciallySecure9
  • 21
    Hungry Teapot NTA. It sounds like your foster parents are pred on your behalf. They could step in, but you're at an age where you should be standing up for yourself. They're aware you might not feel comfortable doing so, so they've told you it's ok because they're annoyed too. This is also important because some kids don't get taught that they are allowed to stand up for themselves and they become adults who don't know how to stand up for themselves. They want you to be able to stand up for your
    via HungryTeap0t
  • 22
    Alarming Pen_7657 f Start calling uncle Stewart "Stewy!" Aunt Katie" Kat!" Aunt Isabelle"izzy!" Uncle richard" Richy boy" I was petty as a kid and im a certified petty adult now, if they wont call you by your name, do to them as they have done onto you. Bet they'll flip their ever living sh. Your name is Nico, a beautiful name.♥ My son's name is Eli, three little letters and people( teachers included!) have called him Elijah EVEN after explaining many times thwt his name isnt Elijah, that Eli is
    via Alarming_Pen_7657
  • 23
    Consistent Poetry696 ΝΤΑ I don't know where you're from, but I'm Dutch and in the Netherlands this is a perfectly normal name. Nicholas would be a weird name here. So this is cultural and just their opinion. Your name is great, professional and well suited for an adult imo. That said, it is your name and nobody had the right to tell you what your name should be. It's very disrespectful what they are doing. I love your foster parents, btw.
    via Consistent_Poetry696
  • 24
    Ornery-Willow-839 The world is full of a h_les (like your extended foster family). You are definitely not one of them. I'm glad you're with a good family now, and I hope you get to stay. Learning to cope with stupid people being stupid is an important life skill. You will have stupid teachers, and bosses, and others in situations where you can't really tell them to as much as they will deserve it. Think of this as a learning experience in patience. Some people are just really really irritating,
    via Ornery-Willow-839
  • 25
    Yikes44 NTA. When you're a foster kid your birth name is hugely important because it's one of the few links you still have to your birth parents and your cultural heritage. I'm really glad that your foster paretns are backing you up in this. Keep correcting or ignoring everyone else until they get the message.
    via Yikes44
  • 26
    EmperorMrKitty NTA if you're uncomfortable with it and your foster parents are supporting you, that's great. I get that you feel you're in a "make everyone happy, don't screw this up" situation, but it sounds like you're just listening to them & they're listening to you.
    via EmperorMrKitty

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