'When I have kids, I won’t expect my co-workers to pay the price': Child-free employee stands her ground, refuses to work Thanksgiving for coworker with kids

Author image for Isabella Penn
Isabella Penn
Nov 14, 2024 7:00 AM EST

No one dreams of clocking in while everyone else is home savoring pumpkin pie and watching holiday classics. Working on Thanksgiving feels like a necessary evil for those in essential roles, but even then, the thought of missing out on the wholesome chaos of a family gathering is hard to pass up. So, when this employee was finally lucky enough to snag her first holiday off, it was like making it out of the new hire phase and into the big leagues. She was thrilled to finally spend the holidays with her fiancé's family, something she hadn't done before because of her job. 

But what happens when a coworker asks you to swap your hard-earned holiday so she can spend the day with her kids? Suddenly, things get a little dicey. The expectation seemed clear in this workplace: no kids, no holidays off. But it raises an important question, is that really fair to all the child-less workers? Is it too much to ask for one holiday off, no strings attached? Keeping reading to find out. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH ⚫ 10 hr. ago HuntMuted 5501 AITAH For Refusing To Work Thanksgiving So My Co-Worker Can Celebrate With Her Kids?
    via u/HuntMuted5501
  • 02
    28F. I recently got engaged and have been at my current job for a little over two years now. I love my job, and feel honored to do it, but one downside is that we're needed 365 days a year and so it's common to work on holidays.
    via u/HuntMuted5501
  • 03
    The general rule is that individuals who are new are first in line to work on Thanksgiving and Christmas. There's also an informal expectation that individuals without kids will cover those shifts so parents can celebrate with their families.
    via u/HuntMuted5501
  • 04
    People at work especially seem to care about moms being home with their children. This year, I'm scheduled to work on Christmas but get Thanksgiving off. This is my first
    via u/HuntMuted5501
  • 05
    holiday off since I've been on the job, so I'm very excited. One of my co-workers, June, was in the same hiring class as me. She's a few years older because she started grad school late, and is married with two young kids. On
    via u/HuntMuted5501
  • 06
    Friday, she approached me and asked if I would be willing to cover her shift on Thanksgiving so she could celebrate with her kids. I was a bit upset, since I've been looking forward to celebrating
    via u/HuntMuted5501
  • 07
    with my family, fiancé, and future in-laws this year. As I mentioned, I just got engaged, and this is the first time our families are doing a blended holiday. I explained the situation to June, and she said that her daughters deserve to
    via u/HuntMuted5501
  • 08
    have their mom with them on Thanksgiving. I suggested celebrating the holiday on a later date with her family because I wasn't going to be covering for her. June was annoyed, and said I was breaking the informal code of the office.
    via u/HuntMuted5501
  • 09
    I spoke to my mentor about this (she's in her fifties and has kids) and she thinks I should have agreed to cover for June so her kids could be with their mother on Thanksgiving. I said that the expectation isn't fair, since June was the one who decided to
    via u/HuntMuted5501
  • 10
    have kids and also chose an intense line of work where she sometimes has to work holidays. Additionally, it's unfair that individuals who chose not to have children are penalized for the decisions of others and are expected to always work holidays.
    via u/HuntMuted5501
  • 11
    She asked me to take a step back and realize it's not about being fair to June or me, but doing what's right for the kids who already don't get to see their mother as often as they'd like because she's serving our country. She said if I chose to
    via u/HuntMuted5501
  • 12
    have kids one day, I may think about it differently. I'm pretty clear about the fact that when I decide to have kids, I won't expect my co-workers to pay the price for that decision. I'll note that my job is certainly a
    via u/HuntMuted5501
  • 13
    public service, and the institution prides itself on doing what's best for the country rather than for ourselves. I'm alright with sacrificing my time to help the general public, but also, I don't think I should be pressured into working every holiday so my co- workers can be with the kids THEY brought into this world. AITAH?
    via u/HuntMuted5501
  • 14
    incogvee • 1d ago • NTA, everyone deserves to celebrate holidays with family kids or no kids. June can deal with working Thanksgiving. You already have plans and that's the answer. "June, this is my first holiday off and I've made plans to celebrate with my family."
    via u/incogvee
  • 15
    --Marko-- 1d ago • • Stupid rule Penalized for not having kids. What will be the case for a couple who cant have kids? Shoved in her face every year, that she is not worthy?
    via u/--Marko--
  • 16
    ExtremeAssistance595 • 1d ago • This is your managers problem to fix, not yours! Don't feel guilty, NTA.
    via u/ExtremeAssistance595
  • 17
    Useful_Context_2602 • 1d ago • NTA - expecting you to work both major holidays is a no-no.
    via u/Useful_Context_2602
  • 18
    lovebeinganasshole • 1d ago • What about your mom, doesn't she deserve to have her child at thanksgiving? June knew the deal when she took the job, if time with her kids on holidays was a big deal for her then she needs to find another job.
    via u/lovebeinganasshole
  • 19
    Coworker procreation habits are not your problem. Who has kids should not even be considered at work. NTA.
    via u/lovebeinganasshole
  • 20
    WaryScientist • 1d ago • NTA - as a parent, I think it's an F-ed up rule to begin with. What if you desperately wanted kids but was infertile? Your punishment, as if not having kids isn't enough, is that you never get holidays with your family? They don't know your life or desires. No. you don't want kids yet, but they shouldn't make assumptions
    via u/WaryScientist
  • 21
    • Low-Salamander4455 1d ago • NTA 1. "I was upset." Stop that. She is allowed to ask. You are allowed to decline. Then move along. 2. Stop explaining. You don't have to. "I want to spend time with my kids on the holidays." "That's understandable however I have plans that are as important to me and my family as yours are to you and so I am declining." That's it. If
    via u/Low-Salamander4455
  • 22
    they ask what they are, tell them they're personal. 3. Stop offering alternative ideas like "take another day," as that's her responsibility to figure out. And stop falling into the kids vs no kids . You don't have kids. You don't need to consider kids. Women have got to stop being so accommodating. Men never do this kind of thing. You're being a misogynist to yourself.
    via u/Low-Salamander4455
  • 23
    Additionally, it's unfair that individuals who chose not to have children are penalized for the decisions of others and are expected to always work holidays.
    via Unsplash (Getty Images)

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boss employee manager job kids thanksgiving work coworkers parenting PTO entitled holidays
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