Breadwinner Father Fed Up With Providing for His Family, He Leaves for Vacation Home Never to Return: ‘I think 3 adults with full-time jobs can manage’

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Nov 14, 2024 3:00 PM EST

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. When we get married and settle down, no one can anticipate what our future will hold. We date, fall in love, get married, and before we know it we live on a farm in the middle of nowhere with our wife and kids, when 10 years ago we thought we'd be a suave bachelor with a New York City apartment. Or hey, maybe it's the other way around for some people. The point being, is that life takes us on all sorts of turns, and when we agree to be with someone forever, we agree to lose our autonomy in those turns. 

Take this Reddit thread for example. The original poster (OP) is a man who's married with two sons. Right now, he stands as the sole breadwinner for the family, the provider, and the only one who seems to manage any sort of responsibility. He wakes up one day and sees the life that's in front of him, and he knows it's not what he wants. How did he get here? What did he do wrong? Well, you'll have to read the full story below for all the details. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH ⚫ 8 hr. ago Cattlelmpossible 7925 AITAH for refusing to subsidize my wife and kids any more?
    via u/Cattlelmpossible 7925
  • 02
    All three of them are adults with full time jobs. None of them have contributed financially to our household budget. My wife went back to work full time when our youngest was 7. He is currently 24. Our oldest is 27. They kids have no student debt.
    via u/Cattlelmpossible 7925
  • 03
    Our retirement property is overseas and that's where I am currently. Two months ago I finally had enough. I came home from an out of town work trip and none of the food I request be in the house is there.
    via u/Cattlelmpossible 7925
  • 04
    And it isn't caviar and lobster or anything. It's a loaf of sourdough, some deli meat and cheese, and some condiments. Enough so I can make a sandwich before I go grocery shopping.
    via u/Cattlelmpossible 7925
  • 05
    Apparently that was too difficult for three adults to manage. My wife and I had an argument about it and the kids took her side. I reminded them that they were supposed to be contributing to the budget and then all three of them started whining about life being expensive.
    via u/Cattlelmpossible 7925
  • 06
    No sh. I'm working to support all four of us. Whatever. I made plans to go to our property on my next rotation. So after my time off I went back to work. Then when I flew home I just stayed at the airport overnight and flew out the n the morning.
    via u/Cattlelmpossible 7925
  • 07
    I also didn't deposit money into the budget account. So they are paying for "everything" the house, my truck, and my wife's car are all fully paid off. So they are paying for their own utilities, property taxes, food, and bills. And they are all furious that I'm not giving. them money.
    via u/Cattlelmpossible 7925
  • 08
    I'm good here. When I go back to work I will do the same thing. Just stay overnight at the hotel and fly to work. My company ev n flew me to a more convenient city for me to fly out from.
    via u/Cattlelmpossible 7925
  • 09
    I think that three adults with full time jobs and a free place to live should do fine. I probably missed a bunch of information but I'm drink and you can ask questions. If they aren't stupid I will answer. AITAH?
    via u/Cattlelmpossible 7925
  • 10
    Zscalerrguy 8h ago • No, not the AH. What's your next move? It already sounds like you're separated, is that becoming permanent? I don't know how to assist you but I wish you the Best of Luck.
    via u/Zscalerrguy
  • 11
    PensionLegitimat... 8h ago • NTA but you probably should've made your kids "adult" long before this. From what you wrote, they appear to live with and don't have much going for them.
    via u/PensionLegitimat
  • 12
    nomisr • 8h ago • Are you even sure they're paying for things like the property taxes, and other bills? Are they under your name because you might want to switch it out so they don't let it just go into collection and you end up with the bill.
    via u/nomisr
  • 13
    No Lavishness... 8h ago NTA. You worked a long time to get them where they are. They should be contributing.
    via u/No Lavishness
  • 14
    SunshynePower .7h ago • Talk to a lawyer in your country of residence to make sure they can't sue you for support. See if it would be wise to make a lease for your kids. I'm serious. People have lost homes in the US for kicking their kids out with no
    via u/SunshynePower
  • 15
    warning and the kids lawyered up and got the house.
    via u/SunshynePower
  • 16
    Talk to a lawyer before you take this further. I support your desire to want this to be more fair but these are the consequences of not marrying a mature person and then not raising your children to be adults. I'm sorry that you are here. You
    via u/SunshynePower
  • 17
    aren't alone. Lots of non- adult adults running around out here. Just protect yourself.
    via u/SunshynePower
  • 18
    In... 7h ago Edited 6h ago Lock down your credit and make sure the wife and kids can't open a bunch of credit cards in your name. Keep an eye on any shared savings accounts. Make sure too that the title for your truck doesn't say "or" with your
    via u/In
  • 19
    wife's name on it, or she might be able to sell it. You've done enough. They can take care of themselves. Don't enable bad behavior, and don't prevent them all from growing up finally. NTA
    via u/In
  • 20
    TerrorAlpaca • 8h ago • NTA. Do what you must, but you might want to talk to a lawyer sooner rather than later. If only so you know about your options.
    via u/TerrorAlpaca
  • 21
    PicklesAndCoorsl... • 7h ago • Was your wife paying into the budget account? You're not the AH for getting. mad at the kids, they are too old to be relying on your that much, but wondering how much your wife paid into stuff.
    via u/PicklesAndCoorsl
  • 22
    NoonMartini • 6h ago • lartin ...they aren't gonna pay those taxes, just fyi.
    via u/NoonMartini
  • 23
    slaemerstrakur • 7h ago • Make sure the taxes are paid. The local government won't do anything if they don't but eventually they will meanwhile penalties and interest are racking up on top of the unpaid taxes.
    via u/slaemerstrakur
  • 24
    Over-Ad-6555 • 8h ago • NTA. Change the locks on the vacation property if your wife and kids have keys to it.
    via u/Over-Ad-6555

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