Man accuses friends of micromanaging the expenses on their vacation, they claim they shouldn't pay for what he overly spends, he refuses to go on future trips as a result: ‘I can't do this’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Nov 15, 2024 9:00 AM EST

Going out with a large group of friends is great fun until the bill comes along and you all have to decide how to pay in a way that will please everyone. There is always one person who can't be bothered with doing the math and just wants to split the bill evenly between everyone, and another who didn't even eat anything and thinks it's unfair that they have to pay the same amount as everyone else. 

That is why I recommend electing a designated calculating friend who is fine with doing all the math for everyone, and determining who has to pay what. It's not the perfect solution, but I think it is the only way that will least annoy everyone.

The friends in this Reddit story were unable to agree on a way to handle the expenses of their vacation, as OP (original poster) always spends more than the rest, yet still wants to split the expenses evenly between everyone. The situation reached a boiling point when OP decided to opt out of future vacations...

Keep scrolling to read the full story. After you are done, check out this story of a new hire who quit after discovering they have been lied to about the pay.

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    AITAH, if I don't want to go on vacation with my friends because they try to micromanage the expenses?
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    I (30m) have a group of five friends from university who are around the same age as me. For the past two years, we've gone on vacation together—first to Mexico and then last year to Egypt. We've always had a great
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    time, and we get along well. However, when it comes to sharing costs, I find myself struggling. It's not the group that has an issue; it's me who has the problem.
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    To provide some context, we all met at university nine years ago and have been working for the last five years. Our university was ranked number one in the country at the time (though I no
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    longer keep track of the rankings), and we all landed jobs just a month after graduation. I mention this to illustrate that we are all financially secure; I know for a fact that each of us earns between €80,000 and €100,000 annually.
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    In terms of vacation costs, I typically spend around $3,000 for each trip, which is more than my friends spend since I'm more comfortable with spending. Additionally, I'm aware that the
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    vacation money we receive amounts to at least double what any of them has spent on these trips. So this is the problem I have: every night, they ask for a check,
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    start checking off items for everyone, and then make that person pay exactly that amount. To me, that's embarrassing: getting nasty looks from the waitress who doesn't make in a day what these people make in
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    an hour, waiting there for ten to fifteen minutes while they argue about who had what, and then starting to count bills and coins to pay.
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    I suggested we split the bill five ways, but they don't want to do that. They have mentioned that I'm the only one who drinks al hol with dinner and that it's not fair if they have to pay extra for it. We are talking about
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    maybe two euros. I even offered to pay more, but they still refused because some are not big eaters and don't think they should pay extra for others. It's four vs one.
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    To make matters worse, they spent every night comparing Uber bills because, maybe I paid a couple of euros less for the ride... So now they are planning a trip for this year, and it could be the
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    last one as some of them want to start families, but I'm thinking of saying no, I can't do this anymore. I enjoy our trips, but getting a pay request of three euros because I had a couple of
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    glasses of rum someone else bought at the supermarket at our hotel messes with my mood. But I'm also the only one who has a problem with this, and I want to ask if I'm the a h le or if this is just a really strange way to handle finances.
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    Edit: People keep asking why we don't ask for separate checks, and the answer is that most places we visit refuse to split the bill into five. Also, some people think I want them to pay for my drinks at dinner, but I have offered to pay for my drinks, even if we split the bill.
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    Edit 2: People keep asking how drinking alcol is only a couple of euros more expensive. It's because while I drink a beer or two, they drink Coke or some other soft drink. So, at the end of the day, I had two beers, and
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    someone else had two Cokes. Yes, the beer is more expensive, but only a couple of euros compared to the Coke. Also, some people think I'm a big eater, but I'm not the biggest eater in our friend group. I take
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    ADHD meds, and if you use those, you know what it does with your appetite. Also, my share of the bill is always one of the lowest unless we stay long and I drink more, but again, I offered to pay for those drinks myself.
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    Edit 3: People keep asking why I don't pay the whole bill and then split it later. I suggested that we try it. But then that night, people started arguing about who had
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    what, and there were items on the bill nobody said they had ordered. So they went back to do it at dinner so there would be no discussions about who had what.
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    TheGameGirler •21h ago • Edited 8h ago Part ipant [1] YTA You openly admit that you spend more than your friends as standard, you drink more, eat more and choose more expensive things. But when it comes to paying you think they should subsidise you by splitting evenly?
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    Splitting the bill evenly when everyone ordered around the same amount is one thing, but it's always the one who eats the most and drinks the most who thinks an even split is fair.
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    I'm little so I don't eat a lot, I also don't drink, why should I pay for someone else's meal? Edit seeing as everyone is saying the same thing at me. OP started out by saying he budgets higher than everyone else, and drinks when others don't, and
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    that this was something that was brought up at the time. Backtracking saying he spends less going out doesn't add up to his original statement of having a higher spend than the others. The telling fact is it was 4/1. They had a tighter budget, as OP stated, and only wanted to pay for
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    what they had. Why would they do that if OP had a lower total overall? If that was so then splitting would lower their total. They were on a budget and they didn't want to be overcharged.
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    BarracudaUpstairs • 21h ago • Part ipant [3] NTA - I wouldn't go. I hate when people do this. My girl group had a friend like this who would complain about splitting evenly so we stopped inviting her out. It's embarrassing when the check comes. On trips you should be able to enjoy and spend what you want not nickle and dime (this is an American saying) everything
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    RocknRight 20h ago • Ah le Enthusiast [5] NTA. That kind of penny pinching would drive me ns. It would definitely ruin the mood / time for me if every meal became such a chore. I'd choose to not go.
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    NJMomofFor • 18h ago Yes, YTA! Who should anyone pay for your a ol? Why should a person budgeting x for a vacation and eating a less expensive entree than you have to pay for you?? If I had more money than my friends I wouldn't want them paying for my expensive dining choices, I would pay the extra for myself. It's the decent thing to do
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friendship aita drama dispute friends reddit story restaurant bills entitled expensive food trip Reddit money entitled people vacation
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