19-year-old Dungeons and Dragons player feuds with friends over her flirtatious characters

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Nov 23, 2024 6:00 PM EST

No one is going to agree on everything, and when it comes to a game where almost everything is in part determined by imagination, what you imagine might not be in line with everyone else at the table. As with anything in life, inevitably, personalities, ideas, and preferences will clash, and it's all down to tolerance and an ability and willingness to go with the flow. Not being set in your own ways and ideas just makes everything easier, even if everything isn't exactly the way you want it. That, after all, is what collaboration is all about.

Of course, that's all good and well to say until the annoying rogue in your party insists on murder-hoboing every NPC before the story can properly unfold while ticking every box of edge lord cliches possible. At that point, you're probably going to have a court of group opinion put an end to their ideas. The same can be said for any player who takes an overly simplistic and predictable approach to interactions in the game. At a certain point, they're just taking over and steering the course of the campaign in a predictable manner, which can become grating to the other people at the table. 

These players disagreed over the "flirtatious" nature of the 19-year-old player's character. One player took issue with her character's flirtatious approach to every interaction and demanded that she stop. The player then took to this online community to see whether she was in the wrong for refusing to do so.

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    AITA for refusing to play DND a certain way because another player doesn't like my playstyle? I (19f) play dnd with some of my college friends. We just started a new campaign that is very story-driven rather than fighting-based. What's important to know is that my
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    character flirts with people in order to distract them to steal their valuables. In my DND group there is another girl, Mary (19f), who told me beforehand that her biggest pet peeve of DND is flirty characters. She told me that she genuinely hates them. I said that we could come
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    up with a compromise and she proposed that I could only flirt with one person a session. Considering how long our sessions run and how much we speak to NPC's, this felt way too low for me. I told her that I would think it over for now. I honestly feel kind of horrible for thinking this, but, I honestly don't care about what she likes
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    and doesn't like. I think that DND should be played any way the players and DM want. So for now I'm ignoring her compromise and playing my character my way. Am I the ahle?
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the ah le: I ignored a girls "compromise" to play a different way in DND. I believe I might be the a hole because I'm actively going against what she asked me to do
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    because I don't want to play any other way than how I usually do.
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    . S.. 1h ago . 1h ago Edited 1h ago · Reasonable boundaries for Mary to have: Say the OP is not allowed to flirt with her character under any circumstances. Have her character react and groan in character whenever OP's character gets flirty with someone in their presence.
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    Create a bard that tries to steal attention of anyone OP's character flirts with by flirting harder. lol that one could be hilarious. Warn OP's "marks" (bonus; it creates interesting potential conflict) or otherwise try to disrupt the flirting because that's just what Mary's character would do. Within reason, but having a character morally opposed to another's action is always a fun dynamic.
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    Unreasonable boundaries: Try to define how someone. else speaks to characters that aren't yours. With that up front: I totally get Mary. I find flirty characters annoying too - they're just... stale, I guess. But me not liking something doesn't mean that its wrong, it just means its not for me. The solution isn't for me to make you stop, its to work out ways that we can both have fun and a one-sided
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    compromise is not it. Where it becomes a problem is if your flirting. interrupts the what the other players can do and their plans without actually recognising the impact and consequence of that, and so far you've not suggested that is happening at all. ESH because at the moment she's trying to find that compromise and you're just refusing to engage the discussion at all.
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    • MadMatchy 1h ago • Yeah....as DM, you fall into this annoying stereotype of juvenile players that just end up creeping out other people who just want to play the game. If I were the DM, you'd get one warning before the boot. YTA
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    TerminalVector 1h ago • Your "playstyle" is a really common and usually annoying schtick. If done on occasion, to further the goals of the party it can be fun. When you do it to 'steal their valuables' you're just grabbing attention for no real reason except to make a not-very- funny joke.
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    YTA. If I were your GM you'd start getting rejected a lot. Turns out most NPCs are completely uninterested in pretty vagabonds and are on guard for being pickpocketed.
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    Lucky_Six_1530 • 1h ago • Something tells me you like to be obvious and control the game but using a "flirty" character that takes up too much gameplay time. If you continue like this and others are annoyed as well, you may find yourself getting less invites. I would honestly see what the rest of your mates think.
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    I agree with another person here who said you fall into the annoying stereotype of players and would be booted from the game.
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    MaxTheCookie • 1h ago Probably beter to ask in the DND subreddits for help about it then here
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    . kcunning 32m ago. It would depend on how it's done, but I'm leaning towards a gentle YTA. I've been playing this game for decades, and would have the same annoyance if said flirting was constantly stealing the spotlight. Table time is precious and this is a collaboration. Flirting is, by
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    necessity, a one-on-one interaction that leaves the rest of the table cooling their heels. Also, NGL, as a GM I would be annoyed if this was the only way you could express your character. There's only so many inventive ways I can come up to respond to your pick-up lines.
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    Personally, I think 'once a session' was a perfectly reasonable compromise. Once a session, you get your exclusive scene where you can play your character how you want. Presumably, everyone else will get a similar chance to have the spotlight. The rest of the time, you all are working together.
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    RaineMist 1h ago Ask the DND subreddit how they feel about "flirty characters".
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    gldmembr 1h ago · YTA Pick a play style that isn't based around actively annoying people. Your play style is inherently annoying
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