Man lets girlfriend berate 31-year-old sister-in-law for not having kids, protests when brother disinvites her from Thanksgiving: 'You two must be really good at being selfish"

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Nov 18, 2024 4:00 PM EST

Deciding whether you want to have kids or not is probably one of the biggest decisions that a couple can make together. It is a huge responsibility for any two people to take on, but that doesn't always stop those around them from having strong opinions about their potential procreation. Many childless people over a certain age, especially if they are women, get bombarded with comments and questions about having kids and it can easily tip over into insulting territory. It's a very personal topic.

This is something that one man had to deal with when his wife continually faced disrespectful comments from his brother's girlfriend about not having kids yet. The problem got to be so large that he felt it was best that he told his brother that his partner wasn't welcome at the Thanksgiving celebration they were hosting. His brother thought he was overreacting, but the internet didn't. 

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    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    AITA for refusing to let my brother bring his girlfriend to Thanksgiving after she disrespected my wife?
    via Socallivin1993
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    I (31M) am married to Lily (30F). My brother Josh (29M) recently started dating Lindsey (27F), and while she's been polite at family events, Lily feels Lindsey has made some passive-aggressive comments.
    via Socallivin1993
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    For example, at a recent BBQ, Lindsey said it was "selfish" that Lily and I weren't planning to have kids anytime soon. Lily felt uncomfortable, but I didn't say anything at the time. Another incident happened at a family dinner when Lindsey remarked, "I'm surprised you two are so happy without kids. You must be really good at being selfish." Lily was hurt by that comment, and it made her feel like Lindsey was judging our life choices. Most recently, at a birthday party, Lindsey made a comment a
    via Socallivin1993
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    Thanksgiving is at our house this year, and when Josh asked if he could bring Lindsey, I told him I'd prefer if she didn't come. I explained that some of her comments had made Lily feel disrespected, and I didn't want that to ruin the holiday. Josh got upset and said I was being petty. He argued that I was overreacting and that Lindsey was "just being honest," but I stood my ground. Now Josh says he won't come if Lindsey isn't invited, and my parents are caught in the middle. My mom thinks I'm b
    via Socallivin1993
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    4th_chakra You're awesome for standing up for you wife. I read a lot of these sorts of stories, and the SO often stands off to the side, letting their spouse fend for themselves. He argued that I was overreacting and that Lindsey was "just being honest," So your brother defended Lindsey, rather than saying, "Hmm, you know, she was badgering Lily with her opinion. I'll go talk to her. I'm sorry my girlfriend treated her that way." Now Josh says he won't come if Lindsey isn't invited That's his ch
    via 4th_chakra
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    OlympiaShannon He didn't stand up for his wife at all; he sat there silently while Lindsey abused her. How can you call him awesome instead of spineless?
    via OlympiaShannon
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    ExquisiteGerbil Exactly! Also threw her under the bus with "her comments had made Lily feel disrespected". The comments were just straight up insults to both of them
    via ExquisiteGerbil
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    coolerbeans1981 NTA, why would you want to expose your wife to an abuser? Lindsey was "just being honest," "Honesty is fine. It's her delivery that is offensive." People who claim to be "brutally honest" tend to enjoy the brutality more than respect the honesty. Now Josh says he won't come if Lindsey isn't invited, and my parents are caught in the middle. So be it. Your wife is your immediate family now. Your brothers and parents are extended family.
    via coolerbeans1981
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    PassageSignificant28 Why do you feel the need to be "honest" about your feelings about a subject that isn't any of her fucking business? In kindergarten they teach you about having "big feelings" and how to manage them. That dumb girl and your brother need to relearn basic manners. Have them all eat together then if she can't shut her fucking mouth. Omg I'm so mad.
    via PassageSignificant28
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    FreddieKrueger469 Being honest and being a complete AH that no one wants around are not mutually exclusive. At some point in life, we all learned to keep our mouth shut. Lindsey could walk into a room and comment about someone's weight, another person's outfit, and a third person's hair. All 3 comments may be true - the first person may have weight problem, the second person has no taste clothing, and the third person is having a bad hair day. None of this gives you the right to say anything. Be
    via FreddieKrueger469
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    hiimlauralee Now you can have a great holiday without drama. Lindsey is a big "B" and shouldn't be around people if she can't be human.
    via hiimlauralee
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    TheTitanOfSirens 1959 This. She's right when she says she is "just being honest"- she's only being honest, without being empathetic, or considerate, or open-minded, or even polite. People who say they are just being honest are just being honest about lacking any other virtues.
    via TheTitanOfSirens1959
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    almaperdida99 and the wife is just being honest when she says the gf is an AH who is unwelcome in her home. I hate the "brutally honest" crowd. Being honest about an opinion no one fucking asked for is not a virtue. NTA
    via almaperdida99
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    A-Strange-Peg NTA I have a great phrase which you still be able to use "It's never occurred to me Lindsy would even want to come after she made it very clear she dislikes us, our home, our family and the childbearing choices we were forced* to make' LOL and you WERE 'forced' by your right to make choices w/o her opinions. You might also want to remind Josh that people who actively and repeatedly insult and hurt others under the guise of 'just being honest' are often called bullies and are seldom
    via A-Strange-Peg
  • 16
    RandoCollision "She was just being honest." "And I'm honestly telling you that she's not welcome." Personally, I'm pretty good at returning passive-aggressive energy. I'd ask Lily why she hasn't settled down and popped out kids by now. Or if nobody ever taught her that it's not "honest" to judge the life decisions made by others, it's tacky AF and she needs to realize it before somebody was a lot less passive than aggressive toward her BS.
    via RandoCollision
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    kimba-the-tabby-lion NTA, but I am not sure why you are hiding behind Lily. Two out of three examples you give, Lindsey talking about both of you, but somehow only Lily is offended. Say you don't like being called selfish either. And honesty is no defence. I think when most people are rude, they mean it. If someone says I am selfish and my career cute, it's actually worse if they mean it (ie are honest) than if they are just saying it for some petty point scoring reason. If Lindsey really believ
    via kimba-the-tabby-lion
  • 18
    Maximum-Bobcat-6250 100%! It seems so cowardly to hide behind his wife. She disrespected you also OP.
    via Maximum-Bobcat-6250
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    FaythsRequiem OP is a man, and in most cultures childless men are perfectly acceptable, where as childless women are viewed with disdain and are often harassed for it (regardless of whether they're childless by choice or not). The view that a woman needs to have children to be happy and have value (but a man is inherently valuable and doesn't need children to be happy) is so deeply ingrained in society that most ppl don't even realize their bias, much less see anything wrong with it. Edited to a
    via FaythsRequiem
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    AsparagusWTweak NTA. You're "just being honest" too. You don't want Lindsey at your house. Good for you for standing your ground.
    via AsparagusWTweak
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    alien_overlord_1001 NTA. Giving your unsolicited opinion about other peoples family status or career, is not 'being honest' - its just plain old 'being rude'. If Lindsey can't keep her opinions to herself, then you are not obliged to be in the same room as her.
    via alien_overlord_1001
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    GirlDad2023 Either you or your wife should have confronted Lily way before now. But there's no way that woman should be allowed if you're hosting Thanksgiving, NTA.
    via GirlDad2023_

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