‘I’m just so sick of it’: Woman cuts off sour older sister because she refuses to sincerely congratulate her on her engagement, rebuking sister's negativity and choosing happiness instead

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Nov 26, 2024 10:00 PM EST

For many women, finally getting engaged to the love of their life—their true life partner—is a pretty big deal. The idea that someone loves and cares for you so much to the point that they'll commit the rest of their lives to making you happy and prioritizing you is something truly special. When in love, you want to profess your feelings and shout from the rooftops about it, and rightfully so! To be loved vigorously and sincerely is a sublime feeling…

You can only hope that your family supports you in that next phase of your life.

The woman in this next story is struggling to deal with her sister's lack of support during a "once-in-a-lifetime" event—her engagement. The woman even expresses that she delayed sharing the news with her family out of fear that her sister would immediately turn such a positive moment in her life into a negativity contest. Even when the woman confronts her sister about her sour behavior, sister dearest refuses to let up. Instead of entertaining her negativity, the woman decides to choose happiness instead by cutting her sister out of the picture entirely.

Advertisement
  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10430852352
    via Unsplash (Colin Maynard)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    How do I get past (42f) my sisters (45f) bad reaction to my engagement news? It has been months and I still can't get over her reaction that has made me pull away from her.
    via Coc0London
  • 03
    Hi, everyone. I'm looking for some outside perspectives because I can't talk to anyone close to me about this without hearing, "She loves you, don't take it personally," which doesn't help me process how I'm feeling.
    via Coc0London
  • 04
    For context, I live abroad and have for over 10 years. My older sister and I have always had a somewhat strained relationship. She's naturally bossy, competitive, and jealous, and it often feels like she's not genuinely happy for
    via Coc0London
  • 05
    me. She's unmarried, and doesn't have kids, which is in now way and issue but I know she wants to be married with a family. I think she assumed I'd never want to get married either, so my engagement probably came as a surprise to her.
    via Coc0London
  • 06
    When I got engaged, I dreaded telling her because I knew her reaction wouldn't be great. I even delayed sharing the news for about a month because I wanted to enjoy my happiness without
    via Coc0London
  • 07
    dealing with her negativity. When I finally told her, she gave me a very shallow congratulations and immediately launched into loaded questions about the wedding, as though I should have all the details figured out.
    via Coc0London
  • 08
    My partner and I want to have a private wedding, just the two of us. Our families are scattered across the world, and with parents who are remarried, we just don't want the stress or drama of bringing everyone together. It's our
    via Coc0London
  • 09
    day, and we feel it's our right to celebrate how we want. But when I told my sister this, she started questioning our decision, saying things like, "Well, why even get married if you're not celebrating it with family?"
    via Coc0London
  • 10
    That escalated into a full- blown screaming match where she called me selfish. She kept saying I should have told her about my plans sooner and that she was hurt I didn't. I told her that I had delayed
    via Coc0London
  • 11
    telling her because I knew her reaction would be poor, and unfortunately, I was proven right. The whole conversation spiraled, and any joy about. my engagement was completely overshadowed
    via Coc0London
  • 12
    by her accusations and negativity. She also said she would of appreciated a heads up that I wanted to get married, which kinda just felt like she wanted to have her say on it before it all went ahead. In my opinion, it's none of her
    via Coc0London
  • 13
    business how I want to conduct my life. Since then, we haven't really spoken much, but that's because of me. She's tried to reach out by sending me Instagram reels like nothing happened. I did send her a
    via Coc0London
  • 14
    brief message saying I'm still really annoyed that she completely ruined my engagement news. I told her that all I wanted was a simple, genuine congratulations and that her opinions were neither the correct time nor place ―this was once-in-a-
    via Coc0London
  • 15
    lifetime news for me, and she made it all about herself. What I can't get over is this: if the roles were reversed, I know the situation would be entirely different. I'd be thrilled for her, and if I ever acted the
    via Coc0London
  • 16
    way she did, she would never tolerate it. She always has double standards, and I'm just so sick of it. Am I within my rights to not want to talk to her or explain myself further? Has
    via Coc0London
  • 17
    anyone else dealt with a family member like this? How do you maintain boundaries and protect your happiness without creating an even bigger rift? I'm genuinely struggling with how to move forward from this.
    via Coc0London
  • 18
    TL;RD: I (42f) live abroad and recently got engaged, but I delayed. telling my older sister (45f) because I knew she'd react poorly. When I finally shared the news, her congratulations were shallow, and she immediately criticized my
    via Coc0London
  • 19
    private wedding plans. This escalated into a screaming match where she called me selfish for not telling her sooner. She's since tried to act like nothing happened, but I told her I'm still upset that she ruined my once-in-a-lifetime
    via Coc0London
  • 20
    engagement news. If the roles were reversed, I'd be thrilled for her, but she has double standards. I'm not sure how to get past this as I feel like I don't want to talk with her anymore because I can't share my special news with her.
    via Coc0London
  • 21
    • sanguinepsych... ⚫ 19h ago The response to "she loves you, don't take it personally" would be "if she loved me, she would respect my feelings and not behave that way". I'm sorry, OP, but your sister and anyone backing her behaviour up are crossing. every line ever drawn.
    via sanguinepsychologist
  • 22
    You're a 40 year old woman. You don't owe anyone an apology for living life on your terms. You don't require anyone's approval on your adult life choices, whatever those may be. While other people's issues. or hardships or negative feelings exist and should be
    via sanguinepsychologist
  • 23
    respected, that doesn't come at the cost of your own feelings and experiences. At this point in time, past 40, I don't think your sister is likely to change. So best you can do is distance yourself from her toxicity and enjoy your life and marriage the way you want to and deserve to.
    via sanguinepsychologist
  • 24
    As someone who struggled with family members like this too, the best way is maintaining distance, sharing less, and refusing to engage with their dramatics. A therapist can help you navigate these things best.
    via sanguinepsychologist
  • 25
    But at this stage you just have to accept this person doesn't want what's best for you, grieve the loss of the person you wish they'd been, and keep living your best life.
    via sanguinepsychologist

Tags

feud family drama aita marriage drama sisters reddit story family feud engaged entitled people karma advice entitled family sister engagement reddit thread fiancé Reddit engagement ring entitled people
Scroll Down For The Next Article