'Am I being unreasonable?': Overbearing grandparents want daughter-in-law to haul 2-year-old and 1-year-old's Christmas presents to their house on Christmas morning, don't understand why daughter-in-law is hesitant

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 24, 2024 6:00 PM EST

Every family who celebrates Christmas has their little version of tradition. They've honed their ritual-- what they eat, where they go, and when they open presents. Some folks go to church the night before, some on the day, and some don't go at all. Some eat a traditional roast and some mix it up. Santa might wrap your presents or leave them unwrapped. You might have a stocking or just do a gift exchange. Everyone does it a little differently. But what happens when two families, and thus two traditions, come together in say, a marriage? 

Does one tradition beat out the other, or do you do some combination of the two? Or do you forge your own path completely and come up with new traditions? That's the sticky situation this family found themselves in when a pair of new parents tried to make Christmas their own. Read on for the story. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10432018944
    via Unsplash+ (Kateryna Hliznitsova)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

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    AITAH for not allowing in-laws to be present on Xmas morning while our kids open gifts?
    via u/confettii123
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    Me (28F) and my husband (27M) disagree on how we should handle Christmas mornings. For perspective, I am an only child. Christmas morning was always done at home with my parents, and after opening gifts, we'd head over to my grandparents to celebrate with them. They all still live local. My husband is the middle of 3, and they often had family that lived out of state. So Christmas morning was
    via u/confettii123
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    sometimes at their home, sometimes at a grandparent's out of state, etc. we alternate our holidays between Xmas and Thanksgiving with our families. Before having kids, we'd stay with them for a week or long weekend over Christmas. After having kids, I want to be home for Christmas morning, and then spend the rest of the day with my family or his family depending on year.
    via u/confettii123
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    Our kids are still young, (2,1) but it is still such a special moment for me and I want it to be sacred and intimate amongst the four of us. We only get so many years of little kids on Christmas morning and I want to soak up every single moment. His parents live 3 hours away and are having his siblings come the 22nd-30th. No one else has kids yet. I told my husband that we
    via u/confettii123
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    should have our kids open up presents on Xmas morning, and then make the drive to their place shortly after. He is calling me selfish and inconsiderate of his parents' feelings because it would mean the world to them to watch the grandkids open presents from Santa. His mom has made comments in the past how Santa would always travel for them wherever they went (being passive aggressive towards my
    via u/confettii123
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    feelings on it). We had the same argument last year. I told my husband that they had their turn with their own kids, and this is now about us and our children. I still want to see and celebrate with his family, but only after we have Christmas just the 4 of us on that morning. Am I being unreasonable?
    via u/confettii123
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    TLDR; husband thinks we shouldnt exclude his family from watching the kids open presents on Xmas morning, and I want that moment to be intimate to the four of us only, then head to his family after.
    via u/confettii123
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    Puzzleheaded_Bet_156 • 4h ago • I had exactly this issue years ago when my children were small but the grandparents with us were lovely. We opened our presents at home on Christmas morning (just us) and then travelled to Grandparents where, surprise, surprise, Father Christmas had left more presents for them to open in front of the extended family. Win. Win.
    via u/Puzzleheaded_Bet_156
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    LeSilverKitsune • 3h ago. Top 10% Commenter This is how my family did it the entire time I was a child. With all of us not just my immediate family. Everyone opens personal stockings and such at home and then there's always more presents at whatever relative you go to.
    via u/LeSilverKitsune
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    Long-Leading · 4h ago . NAH, if grand-parents offer presents, those can still lay in front of their chimney/stocking and be opened later at their place.
    via u/Long-Leading
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    Wrong-Sink7767 4h ago . • Why can't it be both? The kids open gift from you and dad at home, and the gifts from grandparents at their's?
    via u/Wrong-Sink7767
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    LucifersLady666 · 3h ago • Info: let me see if I understand this. He wants to take all the Christmas presents with you for a 3 hour drive and then haul all the stuff, plus the presents from his family back?
    via u/LucifersLady666
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    confettii123 OP 3h ago ⚫ Correct... but not sure if he's thought this part through lol
    via u/confettii123
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    the-mortyest-morty Top 5% Commenter 3h ago. Yep, and OP's still getting Y T A votes because "your tradition isn't more important than his!!!!" Sure, but it's less stupid logistically, lol.
    via u/the-mortyest-morty
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    RandomAmmonite 3h ago • The first year your husband is trying to hide two big tricycles in the back of the car and then somehow smuggle them into the in-laws house so your curious preschoolers don't see them he will start seeing the wisdom of your approach. NAH.
    via u/RandomAmmonite
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    4th_c... • 4h ago • Edited 4h ago He is calling me selfish and inconsiderate of his parents' feelings His parents had years and years of doing Christmas the way they wanted, with their kids. Now it's your turn, with your own traditions.
    via u/4th_chakra
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    Your husband is TA for still being his parent's boy, and not considering his family. He is also TA for calling you selfish, when having a quiet Christmas morning with your young children, then spending the day with his family, is entirely reasonable. His mom has made comments in the past how Santa would always travel for them wherever they went
    via u/4th_chakra
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    AND the mother is TA for manipulating the kids, using "Santa" as an excuse, when it is her that is the selfish one. She wants it to still be all about her, and your husband is doing what his mom tells him to do, like the good boy he's always been to her. Your husband needs to reorient himself. He has a loving wife, a new home, and 2 young children. Time to build your own traditions, and make YOUR Christmas special. NTA
    via u/4th_chakra
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    Individual_Ad_9213 4h ago • NAH; you (an only child) and your husband (middle of three) were reared differently and have come to think of XMas in different ways. To you, it's about traditions within a small, tightly nit nuclear family; to him, it's about a celebrating within a widespread clan of immediate family. Quite honestly, where and when XMas gifts get opened is not a sword worth falling upon, especially for one and two year olds who have no clear idea about the commotion that is going on
    via u/Individual_Ad_9213
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    My personal solution would be to open gifts at the home of the gift- giver(s). This would give the grandparents the joy of watching their grandchildren open up at least some gifts. Where it should be spent should depend on who is hosting dinner and/or who has the best TV for watching football games (just kidding!).
    via u/Individual_Ad_9213
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    In my family, we opened gifts up at midnight, had hot chocolate and cookies, and then went to sleep. That freed XMas day for us kids to play and to visit friends and neighbors.
    via u/Individual_Ad_9213

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childcare Babies christmas aita infant toddler kids gift giving moms traditions parenting dad grandparents cute kids reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
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