Neurosurgeon mom criticizes 17-year-old daughter for entering and placing 2nd in a cooking competition, tells her to focus on school instead: 'She said I was wasting my time on hobbies'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Nov 24, 2024 4:00 PM EST

I will never understand parents who think their teenagers should only care about academics. It's so counterintuitive to the way the college admissions process has worked for the past 10 years. There isn't a highly ranked college in America that wants to admit a student with perfect grades, flawless SAT scores, and no interests outside of school. Even state schools want you to be a part of at least the Key Club. This reality can discourage teens for whom academic achievement is their passion, but it's even harder for kids who are good (but not perfect) students whose parents can't understand why they'd want to do anything outside of the classroom. The latter student is the subject of this story. Her mom has incredibly high expectations for her academically and criticized her for entering a cooking contest and placing 2nd, saying she should abandon all hobbies to solely focus on school.

Advertisement
  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10432502528
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for secretly entering a cooking contest, placing second, and "embarrassing" my mom by acting like it was an achievement?
    via u/External-Bonus8887
  • 03
    I (17F) have always been seen as the "disappointment" in my family. My mom is a neurosurgeon, and she's constantly comparing me to my cousins, who are all excelling academically. I've never been great at school—my grades are average, and I struggle with math and science—so I've always felt like I can't measure up to her expectations.
    via u/External-Bonus8887
  • 04
    What my family doesn't know is that I've been teaching myself how to cook for the past year. It started as a way to deal with stress, but I grew to love experimenting with recipes and trying new techniques. I've been working part-time at a café, and the chef there let me help out in the kitchen during quiet shifts, teaching me a lot. A few weeks ago, he suggested I enter a small local cooking contest. I didn't expect much, but I ended up winning second place.
    via u/External-Bonus8887
  • 05
    I hadn't told my mom because I knew she wouldn't take it seriously. She's always said things like "Cooking is just a life skill, not a career," and I didn't want to deal with the lectures. I figured I'd tell her eventually, but I wasn't in a rush.
    via u/External-Bonus8887
  • 06
    Yesterday, during parent-teacher conference, my home economics teacher brought it up. She's a very nice teacher who I feel very close to. I had told her about it and she thought my mom already knew, so she mentioned how impressive it was that I'd placed in the contest. My mom didn't say much at the time, but the moment we got in the car, she exploded.
    via u/External-Bonus8887
  • 07
    She said I was wasting my time on "hobbies" when I should have been focused on school and accused me of deliberately keeping it from her to embarrass her. She also said I'd made her look bad in front of my teacher for "acting like this was an achievement."
    via u/External-Bonus8887
  • 08
    Now my whole family is mad at me. My aunts and uncles are saying I should've told my mom so she could "prepare" and that I shouldn't have entered the contest in the first place. My dad, who usually stays out of things, said I owe my mom an apology for stressing her out and suggested I quit the café to focus on my grades.
    via u/External-Bonus8887
  • 09
    I don't feel like I did anything wrong. I didn't ask my teacher to bring it up, and cooking makes me happy. But now I'm wondering if I really was selfish for keeping it to myself. AITA? Edit: Thanks everyone. I seriously needed the support. You all are seriously super sweet <3
    via u/External-Bonus8887
  • 10
    cutegirl321 NTA. First of all, congratulations on placing second in the cooking contest-that's a huge accomplishment, especially since you've been teaching yourself and working hard on your own. You should be proud of yourself!
    via u/cutegirl321
  • 11
    By Your mom's I can see she seems more concerned with how your achievements make her look than with actually supporting you. Keeping your interests and accomplishments to yourself doesn't make you selfish; it sounds like you were just trying to avoid exactly this kind of blow-up.
    via u/cutegirl321
  • 12
    If anything, your teacher did you a favor by highlighting something you should absolutely celebrate. Don't let your family guilt you into giving up something that brings you joy and makes you proud of yourself. You're allowed to pursue what you love, even if it doesn't fit into their narrow view of "success." Keep cooking you clearly have a talent for it!
    via u/cutegirl321
  • 13
    BeautifulAvaa Agree. Your passion is valid. Cooking is a valuable skill and a perfectly acceptable career path. Your mom dismissing it as "just a life skill" is HARSH.
    via u/BeautifulAvaa
  • 14
    kjnelson2112 And a life skill she couldn't be bothered to teach OP herself
    via u/kjnelson2112
  • 15
    Beth21286 Let's be honest. OP is better at something that her, other people recognise OPs skill and mummy dearest is jealous. Everyone can quietly go F themselves for not supporting OP in their talent.
    via u/Beth21286
  • 16
    babcock27 "It's just a life skill. How can my stupid kid be better than me at something? How embarrassing!" --The true meaning of mom's words.
    via u/babcock27
  • 17
    awalktojericho This is it. I taught at a private school for almost a decade. Parents want to be lauded, their kids are accessories that enhance them, kids be damned. OP, keep doing what makes you happy. I've seen the fallout of too many who didn't. Not to mention, no matter what you do, she won't like it.
    via u/awalktojericho
  • 18
    WatchOutForSneks This is very sad. Placing second in a cooking competition is an achievement you should be extremely proud of. Your family's lack of support is shameful. Has your mother never heard of any famous chefs? I bet Gordon Ramsay is more successful than anyone she knows!
    via u/WatchOutForSneks
  • 19
    Please don't let them ruin something you enjoy doing. You're almost an adult. Hang on until you're old enough to get a place of your own, and then, LIVE HOW YOU WANT!
    via u/WatchOutForSneks
  • 20
    WanderingGnostic I think Mom should tell Gordon he needs to give up his useless hobby and get a real career. I'd also like to be able to watch this conversation. lol
    via u/WanderingGnostic
  • 21
    ChazzyTh Y'all do know Gordon is the RARE exception, right?? Very, very few reach that pinnacle. Still OP is totally on the right track for a successful & HAPPY life. Too bad mom's missing that.
    via u/ChazzyTh
  • 22
    WanderlustWaves3 Honestly, I don't think you're in the wrong here. You've been working hard at something you love and found success, which is an achievement no matter what anyone says. Your mom's reaction seems harsh, especially since it sounds like you were just protecting yourself from criticism. You didn't do anything to embarrass her on purpose, and you definitely shouldn't have to hide your passions. If anything, she should be proud of your dedication and skill!
    via u/WanderlustWaves3
  • 23
    delulumumu24 Nta Your parents don't treat you as a separate person who has a passion for their own hobbies and dreams. Your mother doesn't know what she says "cooking is a skill, not a career" EXCUSE ME? So I am to understand that she has never used catering, e.g. at her wedding or restaurant on an important occasion. Your mom has some kind of superiority complex, the fact that she is a
    via u/delulumumu24
  • 24
    doctor is impressive, it's a hard profession, but it doesn't mean that she can treat other career paths as just anything. There are cooks who have a better career and earnings than her Don't give up your job, money is always good, if it doesn't bother you very much with school, it's not bad.
    via u/delulumumu24
  • 25
    Upstairs_Scheme_8467 I think the real issue here is that your mom is upset that this teacher knew something about you that she didn't - and that this teacher was proud of you. It threatened her as a mother and made her feel a huge loss of control over you in that moment. So to react to those feelings, she lashed out at you - she took her jealousy of the teacher, her shame at not being the one you share with, her anger at feeling stupid that she didn't know, her embarrassment of looking like an u
    via u/Upstairs_Scheme_8467
  • 26
    As you get older you will realize that despite her accomplishments, your mom is a severely emotionally wounded person - emotionally immature and with narcissistic tendencies. You'll learn more about that and you'll figure out what to do with that information. When you do, remember that you are a great person, capable of great things, and deserving of all the love and accolades in the world; you are deserving of all the good things your mom hasn't been able to give you. PROUD OF YOU! Oh, also, NT
    via u/Upstairs_Scheme_8467
  • 27
    cassowary32 NTA. Congrats on placing second! Damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you had spoken to her beforehand she would have discouraged you. Now, having shown your skills, you are somehow still in the wrong. What's wrong with being good at a hobby if your grades aren't slipping?
    via u/cassowary32
  • 28
    Malletpropism What a shame that they'll never get to taste your cooking. As a former chef and current high school teacher, I say if cooking is your passion, pursue it. Chemistry, maths, cultural understanding, and artistic presentation are all skills that you will use in a commercial kitchen. Knowing how flavours blend and harmonise, and so much more, are high-level intelligence. Move out, go to culinary school, ignore them.
    via u/Malletpropism

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

teens family drama cooking mother crazy things parents say teenagers reddit story parenting raising teens family daughter Reddit mom Parenting Fail parents Parenting FAILS
Scroll Down For The Next Article