37-year-old man protests when pregnant younger sister refuses to give him $4500 to pay HOA fees for apartment owned by him and his wife: 'He is saying they could lose their condo'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Nov 23, 2024 12:00 PM EST

As with most relationships, few things can create tensions between families like money. On one level, it is understandable to feel like you want to support those related to you wherever necessary and/or expect that support when you need it, but there are limits to this kind of generosity that many people choose to stretch. Almost everybody has a freeloading relative who causes problems at one time or another.

For one woman, her brother's desire to use her for cash came at exactly the wrong time. Despite the fact she was pregnant with her first child and that her and her husband were scraping by in Manhattan, he thought it was OK to ask her to lend him and his wife money for HOA fees that they couldn't afford. She refused, and it is fair to say that the internet backed up her decision. Finances are a tricky conversation.

 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10432502272
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for not lending my brother money when he could lose his condo?
    via jetletter
  • 03
    I (35f), my brother (37m) and sister (39f) all inherited money when our father passed away in 2022. Since then, my sister has spent all her money, my brother and his wife bought a condo in Florida (which used all their savings) and I have about $40k in my savings.
    via jetletter
  • 04
    Recently, my brothers building has had unexpected HOA fees pop up that are out of their budget, a roof which cost them $6k a few months ago and now it's a $4500 fee regarding upkeep of the shared parking lot. Typically I would never disclose my finances even with family, but since he is aware of what we all inherited he's always been a bit obsessed about asking how much I have left, what my plans are etc, essentially keeping tabs with it.
    via jetletter
  • 05
    My partner and I are currently 6mo pregnant and we're doing pretty well for ourselves, but we live in Manhattan and it's insanely expensive to the point where I am kinda needing to pull from my savings more often than i'd ever like to and now that we are expecting a child I feel hyper protective of what nest egg we do have in case of emergencies, medical costs etc.
    via jetletter
  • 06
    So last week he called me a bit intoxicated and said he really needs help with the $4500 that is now due at the end of the month. He said his wife has some checks coming in and he will pay me back as soon as they get the money. I wasn't super comfortable with the conversation and did my best to avoid it, basically saying something along the lines of 'why don't we wait and see if the money comes thru and if not we can talk.' Yesterday he texted me and said "Doesn't look like we are going to get t
    via jetletter
  • 07
    Now for even more context, my brother and sister are both unreliable people. My sister who i realize is not super relevant to this story, handles her finances very poorly and will ask to borrow money from me every 6 months or so, my brother has asked before but not as often. My sister has never paid me back and my brother has managed to get things together in the past to where I don't recall ever lending him much, maybe a couple hundred here and there but never got anything back. But I say this
    via jetletter
  • 08
    He is now saying the they could lose their condo and I am being an AH for not lending him the money when they're clearly struggling. I am doing my best to keep things afloat for my partner and I and really don't want to pull from my savings, not knowing I will 100% get it back. So AITAH for not lending them money?
    via jetletter
  • 09
    Public Ad_9169 Your brother is going to lose the condo anyway. The question is whether he is going to lose it before or after draining your savings account.
    via Public_Ad_9169
  • 10
    elpislazuli Unfortunately, this is probably de d-on. NTA but definitely a situation. You didn't get them into this situation and you realistically can't get them out of it. This will keep happening.
    via elpislazuli
  • 11
    Bubbafett33 Exactly this. Also, if he's planning a quick payback, he can get a credit card to cover it, and pay it off right away. If he's too much of a credit risk to get a credit card, then he's too much of a credit risk to loan money to. Another option: suggest he takes out a line of credit against the equity in the condo.
    via Bubbafett33
  • 12
    JoanCPW His statements don't make sense to me. Many Florida condo associations are now required to get a COMPLETE evaluation. That means they would do a special assessment for all required improvements at once and assess a one-time complete fee. I hate to say it, but could not be telling you the truth. If he is telling the truth, and they wanted $6000, two months ago for a roof and $4500 this month for a parking lot, what are they going to assess next month? Tell him to SELL THE CONDO.
    via JoanCPW
  • 13
    AbleRelationship6808 He's not telling the truth. No condo association has the ability to instantly cease a condominium when an assessment is overdue. If OP's brother really has checks coming in that would be able to cover the supposed assessment, then the brother can make the condo association wait for those checks instead of getting a loan from OP. NTA
    via AbleRelationship6808
  • 14
    HalfVast59 TBF, it could be an incompetent HOA board. They want to keep dues low, they want to replace the roof before the reserve study, they decide to piecemeal the improvements - or, if Florida is like California and each component must now be addressed separately in the reserves, they might think they have to special assess each component separately. Which, of course, is even more reason to sell the condo...
    via HalfVast59
  • 15
    myssi24 Jumping in here to also let op know, there is insurance that covers this kind of thing. My son sells insurance and he and my husband were just talking about this a month ago. If I am remembering correctly it is an extra thing you add on to your coverage that is part of how homeowners policies are a little different for condos vs single family homes. So if your brother doesn't have this coverage he either has a terrible agent or he made a bad decision to decline the coverage.
    via myssi24
  • 16
    East Parking8340 He (and his wife) reviewed their finances and chose to buy it. He (and his wife) must have got a professional to condition before they bought. it's He patently lied to you about checks coming on at the end of the month. He's had time to get the money together but hasn't and now expects you to bridge his financial gap. 4.5K is not an insignificant amount and is likely your co-pay for the birth of your child. If he can't afford to pay the bill now he can't afford to pay back any m
    via East_Parking8340
  • 17
    Should you fall prey to his pleading make sure that he signs a loan agreement with you (notarised if possible) with specific dates for repayment so that he can be held accountable (in court). NTA if you don't lend it.
    via East_Parking8340
  • 18
    charliesk9unit "They apply this weird logic that the one with the money has somehow taken advantage of them and they are owed some of that money." I think the mindset such people have is that you have money left means that you obviously didn't need the money in the first place so it should not have been split evenly. They would never consider the fact that you are just more responsible with money and manage it accordingly.
    via charliesk9unit
  • 19
    Clean-Patient-8809 The brother knew how much OP got and hadn't seen signs of her spending the money. So he's been thinking of her as the family piggy bank. If he needs $4.5k, well, he knows she's got it. He just has to talk her around.
    via Clean-Patient-8809
  • 20
    Where WeretheAdults NTA. The popular saying is "Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm." Your family, partner and upcoming child, are your priority now. Not brother and his family. Notice how he moved the goal posts. First it was he'll pay you back when wife gets checks, now it's when we can. That money is gone the second you give it to him. Edit to clarify.
    via WhereWeretheAdults
  • 21
    Kukka63 NTA, your brother should have planned better, it's absolutely not your responsibility to help him out and just stop talking to him about finances. Good luck with the baby
    via Kukka63
  • 22
    poncanach NTA Never lead money to anyone that you can't live without. Never tell anyone about your money, they will ask for it. Your money isn't available because you invested it.
    via poncanach
  • 23
    magiemaddi Great that they have a condo to sell!! They can lose their asset since they can't afford it. No big deal, they're not destitute, just dumb. NTA but it's time to say that money is no longer liquid. It's a trust for your baby - that's what you say when he harasses you. He needs to sell the condo that he can't afford. Then he'll have money to rent a place he can afford in
    via magiemaddi
  • 24
    magiemaddi Also, he's been pocket watching you this whole time because he feels entitled to your money. In his head, it's his money that you're keeping safe for him, not your own inheritance. Tell him you spent it on something stupid and watch him lose his entitled mind. Like a brand new BMW or something, seems practical for Manhattan, no? A family vehicle is SO important for NYC, right?
    via magiemaddi
  • 25
    YoshKrawdot NTA. You are expecting in manhattan, it's not worth risking your security and situation. That money can go real quick if you have a few extra medical bills you weren't expecting. If he's that bad off he can refinance his condo. If they lose it that's on them and your sister and him can get a place together to save up for new places for the both of them.
    via YoshKrawdot
  • 26
    xchibiryuux As someone who does not live in the US, it completely baffles me how anyone could even consider asking someone, who is expecting a child, to lend them money knowing how ridiculously expensive the medical fees for childbirth can be over there.
    via xchibiryuux

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