'You went straight to lunch lady': Husband asks wife to wear a hairnet while cooking at home after finding a hair in his meal, fails to understand why she's upset

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 29, 2024 3:00 PM EST

Cooking is an act of love like anything else. I'm always so touched when someone cooks for me, even if it's just my roommate making a weeknight dinner. Cooking is an art form, so when someone is brave enough to share it with you, then you should treat it with the utmost respect. Unless they expressly invite criticism, I don't think you should comment on it in a negative way. This even holds true in a marriage. It might be even more important in the context of a marriage. Since nobody has to cook for you, you better enjoy it when they do. And if your wife is the one doing it, know that it's an expression of love. 

But one husband took umbrage with one of his wife's little cooking quirks, somewhat understandably. But what he offered as a solution left them in a bitter argument. Read on for the story and see what you would have done.  

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    Cheezburger Image 10433613312
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

  • 02
    AITA for Asking My Wife to Wear a Hairnet While Cooking?
    via u/lohojok
  • 03
    So, here's the situation. My wife loves to cook, and I truly appreciate her meals-they're delicious. However, her hair keeps getting in the food. It's long and tends to shed a lot, so it's almost a guarantee that I'll find at least one strand in every meal. I've tried to casually mention it a few times, saying stuff like, "Oh, looks like your hair wanted to join dinner," but it hasn't made much of a difference.
    via u/lohojok
  • 04
    Finally, I decided to ask her to wear a hairnet while cooking. I figured it was a practical solution. She got really upset, saying it's embarrassing and that I'm making her feel like she's gross. That wasn't my intention—I just don't love finding hair in my food.
    via u/lohojok
  • 05
    She says I'm overreacting and should just deal with it since it's not that big of a deal. I think it's a simple request to improve both of our dining experience. Now I'm second-guessing myself because I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I also don't think I'm being unreasonable. AITA?
    via u/lohojok
  • 06
    PhilosophyOk7552 • 1d ago • I can't read and thought you said "helmet"
    via u/PhilosophyOk7552
  • 07
    • Mobile_Following_198 · 1d ago NAH. I have long hair (like down to my b t). I shed a lot. I don't shed into my food while I cook. Shedding into ALL of the food is highly unusual. She's either being unhygienic with her hair placement during cooking, or she may have a health condition that is making her shed more or not notice things.
    via u/Mobile_Following_198
  • 08
    It's also completely reasonable that you don't have hair in your food. Alternatively, you can cook, but since she likes to cook, this may be a less desirable alternative.
    via u/Mobile_Following_198
  • 09
    If she has really long hair, maybe suggest a claw clip or pulling her hair back in a ponytail or something while cooking. It's a pretty normal thing for most people with long hair to do while they cook, not just for hygiene purposes but also general comfort.
    via u/Mobile_Following_198
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    Background_Eye_148 .1d ago. • I don't think you're an AH, I just think your approach was off. You found a problem, and solved it. Your partner who is on your team and part of the issue didn't even get a say.
    via u/Background_Eye_148
  • 11
    You should have gone for a more open approach. Something like, "I really love your cooking, but lately I feel like I often find a hair in my food and I feel like it really ruins dinner for me". No blame, not telling her what to do, just sharing how you feel. Then you can hit her with a, "do you think we can do something about this?"
    via u/Background_Eye_148
  • 12
    As many people already noted, a hairnet is not the first and most attractive option to try, and I totally get why she got angry when you suggested she wear one. NAH.
    via u/Background_Eye_148
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    nevermind2483 • 1d ago • I think a ponytail would probably suffice.
    via u/nevermind2483
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    лo SpaTo... • 1d ago Edited 1d ago. The trouble is, it probably doesn't drop from her head into the dinner. It drops from her head throughout the day, landing on her clothes, and then it falls in the dinner. I still struggle with this despite always tying my hair up before cooking and wearing an apron.
    via u/SpaTowner
  • 15
    I've been looking for some more jacket style aprons that would cover my clothes, but they are all made for tiny people apparently and I can't find anything my size at a sensible price. Perhaps you could find her a nice sleeved apron and just not tell her it's about the hair.
    via u/SpaTowner
  • 16
    NTA I think it's gross finding my own hair in my food. Edit: 'hairnet' also isn't a very appealing thing to ask someone wear. I sometimes use surgical style scrub caps because they come in nice colours and prints. Eg https://amzn.eu/d/5Ca4a7z much more fun than a hairnet.
    via u/Puzzleheaded_Bee4361
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    Puzzleheaded_Bee43... 1d ago • • She is right - a hairnet would be crappy. A ponytail, on the other hand, would be both cute and practical. Or a ponytail plus a bandana tied as a headscarf.
    via u/Puzzleheaded_Bee4361
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    MommyGandalf • 1d ago • NTA...well...not quite. I think it would be more reasonable to ask her to put it up (maybe even brush it out first) just in a pony or bun. It's normal to throw your hair up when cooking for others. I do think a hairnet is a little, well, extra.
    via u/MommyGandalf
  • 19
    KatEyes1990 • 1d ago • NAH is it ok that she takes no precautions when she cooks? NOPE. I have very long hair and a lot of it, and I solve it just wearing a bun or braid while cooking. Asking to do something with her hair is ok, but suggesting a hairnet is very insensitive, as if you asked her to wear gloves while cooking... suggests that you're disgusted by her.
    via u/KatEyes1990
  • 20
    Also, just for you to think about it... since her cooking is so good, is she the person who ALWAYS cook? Did you try cooking yourself? Very often when a person does always a chore becomes invisible for others and goes unappreciated, MAYBE it can feel like "I put every single day all of this effort, and he just complains about it while being served", it is NOT a rational answer, but an emotional one. I suggest maybe you cook for her, or you cook WITH her.
    via u/KatEyes1990
  • 21
    GlassAnemone126 1d ago. • A hairnet is something that a cook in a restaurant is required to wear. I think you inadvertently made her feel like you were ordering your cook/employee to put on a hairnet. Soft YTA for the approach to resolving the problem.
    via u/GlassAnemone126
  • 22
    lydocia • 1d ago • I've tried to casually mention it a few times, saying stuff like, "Oh, looks like your hair wanted to join dinner," This isn't "casually mentioning" it, this is making passive-agressive remarks. Use your words and communicate with her. A hair net might be over the top, but pulling her hair back in a ponytail or whatever should be an okay request.
    via u/lydocia
  • 23
    prevknamy 1d ago • . ESH. There's a middle ground - why doesn't she just pull her hair back? Even if a hair ends up in - there who cares?? It's not some stranger's hair. Hair isn't particularly gross or germy. You interact with her lost hair, shed skin cells, and all other biological matter every second of every day. One hair in the food isn't a big deal. Your wife doesn't need to wear a hair net like some line cook.
    via u/prevknamy
  • 24
    . Broad_Woodpecker_1... 1d ago • It's not unreasonable to not want hair in your meal. I have or till recently had long hair and it's very think. The easiest thing to would be to pull it back in a ponytail or bun that keeps it out of the way behind the head with much less chance of it falling into dishes. A hair net is reminiscence of the stereo type lunch ladies seen on tv. So wearing her back while cooking is a easy solution. possibility without a stereotype
    via u/Broad_Woodpecker_180

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