Tradwife stay-at-home mom berates her brother for being a stay-at-home dad to his 2 kids, insists that he babysit her 5 kids: '[Our mom] suggested that I could be a positive influence on my sister's kids so they'd grow up being less judgmental'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Nov 27, 2024 4:00 PM EST

Insisting on specific gender roles for everyone around you is so foolish. I love being a feminine woman and wearing dresses, but I would never insist that every woman needs to wear dresses to look good. Yet, so many family structures are predicated on the idea that straying from prescribed gendered paths in any way will lead to unmitigated disaster. I have a friend whose parents were shamed for having kids "later in life," aka when they were 30 and 32 instead of in their early 20s. Why would they be shamed for something so normal? Because having strict gender norms and social rules are ways to control people so others around them will fall in line.

These gendered expectations harm women and men alike. The dad in this story took to Reddit to share how his traditional sister has been treating him for being the stay-at-home parent while his wife brings home the bacon. Let's just say he hasn't been treated kindly. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10434104320
    via Daiga Ellaby (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for telling my mom I don't care if my kids never know my sister's kids and I'm not going to take responsibility to teach my sister's kids better?
    via u/SelectionOne5946
  • 03
    I (31m) was never very close to my sister (33f). We got along okay as kids but the older we got the more different we became and the more strain there was in our relationship. She married young (18) and has many kids now. I got married 5 years ago and my wife and I have two children together.
    via u/SelectionOne5946
  • 04
    My sister is a SAHM and a trad wife and "submissive wife" to her husband. She believes men need to be the providers and women should stay at home without exception and she looks down on me for being a SAHD. She actually started mocking me when I married my wife. My wife makes more money than I did when I was working. She was always the breadwinner. I still worked hard and brought money in but she was a higher earner and my sister told me I wanted a husband and not a wife with the way I was actin
    via u/SelectionOne5946
  • 05
    Now, however, my sister is looking to take advantage of me being at home with my kids and she wants me to take her kids sometimes. I said no. And I told her she doesn't get to treat me like sh and then expect favors. She tried to dangle a relationship with her kids, something I never really had, over my head. She told our mom and now mom's involved.
    via u/SelectionOne5946
  • 06
    She asked me why I wouldn't want to spend time with my sister's kids and when she realized I knew that was what I was passing up she mentioned my kids knowing their only cousins and then suggested that I could be a positive influence on my sister's kids so they'd grow up being less judgmental and she said it would be better for all the kids, hers and mine.
    via u/SelectionOne5946
  • 07
    I told my mom I do not care if my kids never know my sister's kids. I said actually, it would be for the best with how my sister and her husband think and act. I said their kids could be talking like their parents around my kids and unless I'm with them all 24/7 I wouldn't know or be able to correct it. And I also said I am not taking on the responsibility of teaching them better than their parents are. I said if anything, that could end with
    via u/SelectionOne5946
  • 08
    more insults aimed at my wife and me. I said my sister would lose her mind about boys playing with dolls or playing house or dress up and we have all that here. And I am not exposing my family to that negativity. My mom told me it's very disappointing that I don't care about my own nieces and nephews. AITA?
    via u/SelectionOne5946
  • 09
    JuliaX1984 NTA She's a trad wife SAHM - she's supposed to be taking care of her kids.
    via u/JuliaX1984
  • 10
    Poppysgarden That part! Also, OP's sister and BIL are too cheap to get a babysitter as well.
    via u/Poppysgarden
  • 11
    Disastrous-Bee-1557 With five kids and only one income, they're probably too broke to afford a babysitter.
    via u/Disastrous-Bee-1557
  • 12
    IVIrLurker If they're too broke to afford it, they're too broke for her to be a SAHM.
    via u/IVIrLurker
  • 13
    Disastrous-Bee-1557 All these dumbasses watching those tradwife influencers never think about how they are earning money off of those videos. I doubt any of their husbands really make enough to support that lifestyle.
    via u/Disastrous-Bee-1557
  • 14
    SwimmingCoyote One of the most famous-Ballerina Farm-is married to a rich heir but that should warn all of her viewers because the likelihood of them also marrying someone that rich is very low. Also, in the Secret Wives of Mormon Wives, all of the women and their spouses are Mormon but the women openly discuss how they're the breadwinners through their social media activity. Yet their husbands get to act like the big man of the household. I have no idea how any women looks at these people as so
    via u/SwimmingCoyote
  • 15
    Turmeric_Ping NTA. Every responsible parent takes care that their children aren't mixing with kids who might be a bad influence.
    via u/Turmeric_Ping
  • 16
    AquaSparkGeorgia Your sister has been consistently disrespectful towards you, your wife, and your choices. You have no obligation to cater to her needs or provide free childcare after she's mocked and belittled you.
    via u/AquaSparkGeorgia
  • 17
    MercuryGeorgiaBlast Agree.. It's not OP's job to "fix" his sister's kids or compensate for their parents' shortcomings.
    via u/MercuryGeorgiaBlast
  • 18
    StephxJasmine OP is already busy raising his own children. Taking on the responsibility of his sister's kids, even occasionally, is a significant commitment that OP is not obligated to make.
    via u/StephxJasmine
  • 19
    TheFinalPhilter she told our mom and now mom is involved I just woke up and haven't had my coffee yet but I find it so funny OP's sister went running to tell on him to their mother.
    via u/TheFinalPhilter
  • 20
    Judgmental_puffer This right here... you have zero guarantee that you and your kids would influence your nephews the non-bigoted way and not the other way around... especially if you have girls
    via u/Judgmental_puffer
  • 21
    GrumpyLump91 It's disappointing that your mom doesn't care about you and your family and only your sister and hers.
    via u/GrumpyLump91
  • 22
    redelectro7 If she's a SAHM why does she need you to take her kids sometimes? Isn't the whole point of her not working so she has her kids at home?
    via u/redelectro7
  • 23
    d33psix Also wasn't her whole point that tradwives are the only right way to do it and SAHD mom breadwinner is like teaching wrong role model/ethics/priorities?
    via u/d33psix
  • 24
    Why would she purposely expose her kids to all that "wrongness" she claims to care so much about even before getting into OPs fair points about about mixed gendered play with toys dolls dress up or anything else.
    via u/d33psix
  • 25
    Clearly her moral high ground becomes very flexible when she can see a personal benefit dumping her kids on others. Why doesn't Grandma watch them if she's so interested in poking her nose in everything.
    via u/d33psix
  • 26
    SummerStar62 There's only a few facts that matter in your question. 1)She insults you. 2)She berates you. 3)She wants you to babysit. Are you the ah le for not doing so. The answer is no. NTA All the rest of your story, although somewhat interesting to read, is irrelevant. (Please notice I didn't say that they are not important. They are). It's
    via u/SummerStar62
  • 27
    absolutely fabulous that you're a stay at home dad. Etc. but, it doesn't matter. Even without all your other details, you're not the a h le. Don't worry. And if your parents are so worried about it, they can babysit during the day for her. You're very much correct to keep that kind of attitude and negativity away from your children.
    via u/SummerStar62

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stay at home mom family drama brother mother reddit story parenting dad family reddit thread Reddit mom Parenting Fail parents Father Parenting FAILS kids
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