30+ of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (November 30, 2024)

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  • 01
    Sal Robins @Sal_Robins I much prefer the British spelling of "diarrhea" which is "diarrhoea" because it looks like you've lost control of your vowels. 11:24 AM 11/20/24 394K Views 359 tz 1.7K 16K 529 企
  • 02
    ava! @F41rygirl 2.10 309 Kys Keep yourself safe Σ mom Today 2:09 PM 5:37 PM 11/19/24 5.2M Views 503 15K i'm leaving rn what????? 275K 6.2K 企
  • 03
    @niahdx forgetting your headphones at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times 10:09 PM 11/16/24 9.1M Views 664 1786K 560K 14K ↑
  • 04
    TOTAL @WhysBlud I just want an internship man Tell me a story from your childhood that * has shaped your values Your answer 1:59 AM 11/21/24.4.4M Views 714 t 21K 265K 7.8K 企
  • 05
    Bill @CageFooName Just finished my latest rebranding job, pretty happy with it Lockheed MARTIN 5:51 AM 11/20/24 2.2M Views 446 5.1K 121K ☐ 2.2K 企
  • 06
    Sophia Benoit @1followernodad My two year old nephew just absolutely roasted my a . Got on a FaceTime with him and he showed me his trains and then he asked "where are yours?" and I had to admit that I own zero trains. • humiliating. 8:32 PM 11/20/24 2.2M Views 181 1 6.1K 133K 2.9K 企
  • 07
    Lake Cornelia Research Management ❤ @CorneliaLake SOURCES: SPIRIT AIRLINES CEO LIVID WITH BANKRUPTCY PROCESS. "$110 FILING FEE, $50 PROCESSING FEE, $37.50 ADMIN FEE... THESE FEES WERE NOT ADVERTISED!" 5:41 PM · 11/12/24 • 175K Views 20 17 201 3.1K ☐ 77
  • 08
    James Ray @GoodVibePolitik Spirit Airlines going bankrupt is really sad because there's now a real risk of millions of Americans never knowing what it's like to have a 15 hour layover at Orlando International to save $50 on a ticket to a place 6 hours away • 7:16 PM 11/18/24 374K Views 34 1775 13K 247 ↑
  • 09
    KATHERINE Anna-Kate, Who Loved God L... @RCAnnaKate I heard there was a secret cord You plug it in and you meet the Lord 25 ABS V LED FIL This does not exist. We do not sell it; we will not help you find one. We do not recommend that you use one if you do find one. 25 LE COM
  • 10
    Mom Jeans @momjeansplease My son found me crying in the kitchen, wrapped his arms around me and whispered, "Is it because of your hair?" Now I'm crying for two reasons. 11:03 AM 11/17/24 • 2.2M Views 546 17.3K 119K ☐ 2.3K ↑
  • 11
    Lady Lawya ❤ @Parkerlawyer I saw a promo for the new Gladiator movie and said to my husband, "That looks good. I wonder if I need to see the original first so I know what's going on." My husband jumped up and with his full outside voice said, "YOU'VE NEVER SEEN GLADIATOR?!?" 2.5 hrs later, credits rolling, I said, "That was so good. I bet it won a lot of awards." My husband, "It was nominated for 12 Academy Awards and won best picture, best actor, best costume, best visual effects, and best soun
  • 12
    Chris Bakke @ChrisJBakke Tyson vs Paul: a 4 hour meeting that should have been an email • 12:48 AM 11/16/24 422K Views 83 17628 7.1K ☐ 113 企
  • 13
    Fergus Craig @FergusCraig Mike Tyson, as good as he once was, is just too old to be fighting Jake Paul. Time for Kamala Harris to step in. 3:25 PM 11/15/24 770K Views • 46 12.2K 39K 645 ↑
  • 14
    Bennett @Bennett F7 BREAKING: Jake Paul has agreed to a home run derby against Babe Ruth, who passed in 1948. Yours Fuel With HL-P
  • 15
    Trill Withers @TylerIAm There's a part of my childhood that's gone forever if Tyson lose tonight. Like if jordan got crossed up by Mr beast 6:49 PM 11/15/24 4.2M Views 499 18.3K 105K ☐ 2.6K ↑
  • 16
    TORONTO Mike Beauvais @MikeBeauvais Jake Paul looking like an Eastern European human trafficker k lled in the first 10 minutes of a Jason Statham movie.
  • 17
    Joe Colangelo ❤ @Itsjoeco The bankers have chosen a new Treasury Secretary NBA Trade Finder @NBATradeFinder. 20h Office building in Manhattan has seemingly caught fire @CNN @cnnbrk @nytimes 0:04 2:45 PM 11/14/24 3.6M Views •
  • 18
    sophie ❤ @netcapgirl if you're not happy single, you won't be happy in a relationship. true happiness comes from building dashboards that give executives deeper insight into critical business functions • 6:25 PM 11/20/24 1.1M Views • 216 17 3K 36K 1.8K
  • 19
    RCA Zenith @RcaZenith One time I was at my buddy's house and I set his DVR to record everything with "gay" in the description and it wasn't easy to figure out what had happened so like a **year** later I got this exasperated call because his wife legitimately was questioning him and he knew it was me • 8:46 PM 11/19/24 5.2M Views 224 2.7K 110K 6.8K ↑
  • 20
    john v. variety loves u EP OUT... @johnvvariety Vishnu bud you're gonna want to sit down for this Sharon Tate, photographed by Jack Garofalo during the 1968 Cannes Film Festival. 94 27302 6.8K 254K ↑ VishnuⓇ @Vishnu1310 Oh god. What a beautiful L What's the procedure to roam with her 10:23 AM 11/20/24 612K Views • 82 17762 Follow 19K 1.2K 企
  • 21
    Christopher @molochofficial It's increasingly clear that Ellen DeGeneres was an environmentally significant apex predator in the media ecosystem; she'd have extracted all entertainment value from the Hawk Tuah girl in a 3-minute segment and banished her back to anonymity, maintaining ecological balance • 1:27 PM 11/19/24 2.1M Views • 150 17 8.5K 143K 6.8K ↑
  • 22
    ЯTHINA @dollp4rtsz TAing for an intro to calculus class at an ivy league university is radicalizing me 11:53 AM 11/18/24 2.2M Views 231 C 1.1K 58K 3.6K
  • 23
    "paula❞ @paularambles this man is absolutely relationship-mogging everyone like wdym you made your own acoustic version of Get Low for your wife !! Z⭑PAIN 497 Liked by vo.khidov and others zuck "Get Low" was playing when I first met Priscilla at a college party, so every year we listen to it on our dating. anniversary. This year I worked with @tpain on our own Get Low Z-Pain, T-Pain, Mark Zuckerberg 2:11 PM 11/13/24 11M Views 555 14K ADVISORY EXPLICIT CONTENT 225K ☐ 23K 企
  • 24
    Sherman McCoy ❤ @wasphyxiation Celsius is the worst of the three major temperature scales and I'm tired of pretending it's not 12:08 PM 11/18/24 • 2.1M Views 1.1K 1.3K 25K ☐ 1.6K ↑
  • 25
    Corn✩* @upblissed my dumbass thought bro turned into Obama VicBlends @vicblends. 1d 7 years of locking in changed my life IT Dreamville Barber dio • 4:11 PM 11/18/24 1.8M Views 141 17 3.5K 62K ☐ 673
  • 26
    Austine @theereal_one Girl its just skin thats stretching, not a movie plot. Araaa @shawntifying. 1d Stretch marks may be viewed by many as a flaw but to me its a woman untold story of the battles she's conquered • 1:55 PM 11/20/24 2.6M Views 349 12K 109K 1.8K ↑
  • 27
    Michael Kandel @K_A_N_D_E_L white boy STUNS mother by correctly guessing WHO she ran into the OTHER DAY 12:02 PM 11/21/24 381K Views • 21 17 898 20K ☐ 455 ↑
  • 28
    WE Aldi Stores UK ALDI @AldiUK You sound like our legal team Jaguar Jaguar @Jaguar Copy nothing. • 10:47 AM 11/21/24 857K Views • 830 17 2.2K 27K
  • 29
    Ace-tyra @FloraAcetyra Men will get fired, divorced, be in debt and the only thing they'll say is "I'll figure it out". 1:00 AM - 11/21/24 6.6M Views 3.5K 17 25K 185K ☐ 10K ↑
  • 30
    Mabintou Kolley @mabintou Follow My wallet was stolen yesterday and the woman only made it to the pub & Sainsbury's before I blocked my card. Bartender said she called 6 of her friends, 2.30pm on a Wednesday mind you, to have a drink. The fact they got there in 5 mins is almost impressively jobless. • 4:11 AM 11/21/24 1.4M Views . 101 17 3.1K 64K 1.6K ↑
  • 31
    Partna (Fan Account) @onlychloexhalle Finding out that names are people...so I ask earnestly. Is Walmart a real person CRAVE POP Pop Crave @PopCrave .3d Calvin Klein turns 82 today. 8:47 AM 11/22/24 7.5M Views 834 17 6.8K 170K 4.6K ↑
  • 32
    michael wave @michael___wave astonishing how whenever you go to the post office the queue in front of you is made up almost entirely of people who appear to have ended up at the post office by accident, have in fact never visited a post office before, and have no idea what they want out of the experience • 10:40 AM 11/22/24 · 52K Views 11 17 202 3.5K ☐ 73 ↑

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