Bride calls out "unclassy" aerial wedding dance at performed by a 16-year-old: 'She felt upstaged'

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Dec 3, 2024 5:00 PM EST

This bride took to social media to address something that happened at her wedding, but she then quickly deleted the post. That's because she never addressed her family members about the issue in person! Awkward… What did she think was going to happen? Did she think they'd read the post, scoff at it, and then go on their way? Hardly, as you can read about in u/throwrathefinances's story below. 

As this woman shares, she and her daughter were a big part of her cousin Dana's wedding ceremony. Her daughter, at the young age of 16, was asked to perform a dance at the ceremony. While wearing all white is typically frowned upon at weddings, the bride dressed the dancer up in all white and approved her dance. But when the big day came, things didn't quite go as the bride expected. She seems to think that her family member took away the spotlight from her. But who was shining the spotlight? If the bride really wanted all eyes on her for 100% of the night, she probably shouldn't have arranged a dance performance in the first place. She then handled it poorly by posting about it online… Check out the full story, plus updates, below to see if you side with the bride or the dancer. 

Next, read about the way this traveler outsmarted an airport security worker to get their luggage onto the plane. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10436298240
    via Andrej Lišakov For Unsplash+

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    My(f49) cousin (f23) asked my daughter(f16) to perform at her wedding reception, but became bitter upon seeing the positive reception to her act. She has since posted about her online, and my daughter is considering quitting
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    Original Post: November 11th "I hope this is okay to share here. The reason I'm posting is because of my daughter who's been hurting in the aftermath of a recent performance. I'm sorry in advance for how long this turned out, but any advice from fellow aerialists would be greatly appreciated. My cousin Dana (not real name) had her wedding two weeks ago,
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    and she asked if my daughter could perform at her reception. My daughter (Jane, also fake name) has practiced silks/lyra for the past few years at a nearby circus studio, and she's also performed with/through the studio at small gigs. She hopes to continue into adulthood and become a professional teacher, but this recent incident has shaken her confidence. She has a private Instagram to document her progress/performances, and I only post certain performances
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    on my Facebook (her first gig with the studio and her first recital to name a few we're proud of). Some of our relatives saw her performances through my socials, and they watched her perform at her studio's Christmas recital when we hosted Christmas at our home a few years back; something that surprised her when they visited early to see her. I love how they coordinated that, and Jane said it was her loudest cheering section to date.
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    Dana was one of the relatives who came up early to see her Christmas recital, and she's always been super supportive. She asked me if Jane would be willing to perform at the reception, and I asked on her behalf. Jane was honored and excited when I did, and we already had a portable rig for her too (though we ended up renting a taller one from her studio. Dana got the idea from a YouTube video featuring an aerialist who performed at a wedding
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    reception, and she showed us while requesting white silks and a white outfit. We scoped out the venue and purchased white silks along with a white costume that Dana approved of, and Jane was really excited throughout. Jane even worked on choreography to a song that Dana requested, and she put a lot of time into it (even asking one of her coaches to help her with it). Dana insisted on paying her for the gig despite Jane not expecting to be paid, and she paid her a few hundred.
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    However, Dana's had a change of heart. Jane received a standing ovation after her performance that surprised her, but we didn't know anything was wrong until Dana went on Facebook a few days later. Dana said she didn't approve of the outfit Jane wore and that she specifically told her to not wear white. She also said my husband and I pressured her to have Jane perform and that the performance gave off am
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    "unclassy" vibe, lies that my husband and I couldn't believe. We sent Dana numerous costume links, and we purchased the one she liked. There was also nothing wrong with Jane's performance; Dana was one of the people cheering afterward. Jane received nothing but compliments afterward, but I'm disgusted that she had to see that post after all the work she put into it. The post also had comments disabled for what it's worth.
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    I called Dana to confront her about the lies, but she didn't pick up numerous calls. I then called her parents who, like us, had received messages about her post, and they said that Dana was wrong. They apologized on her behalf and said they were also disgusted. Dana's mom also said that Dana vented to her before making her post a few days after the reception. Dana told her she regretted asking Jane to perform given the attention (compliments and cheers) she received for it.
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    Her mom also said that she felt upstaged with Jane wearing white and having to hear how good she was. Dana's parents tried to call her after she made her post, but she didn't answer after their previous conversation ended with her parents telling her she shouldn't be bitter because she specifically asked Jane to perform. Dana's parents reported the post along with us/others, and we've told the truth to those who
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    reached out along with a post to explain our side/stand up for Jane (we have text proof of sending costume links that Dana chose from). Dana's parents also requested to talk to Jane on the phone to apologize for Dana's behavior, and my husband and I told Jane that Dana was wrong (and that we'll be distancing ourselves from Dana permanently). Dana's parents. were surprised at her behavior, and we were too having seen her grow up. Granted, we only see
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    extended family for Thanksgiving and Christmas because we live far, but other relatives were surprised too as it seemed to come from left field. Maybe there's a side of Dana we'll never know from our limited holiday/milestone interactions, but our focus is Jane. We've tried to cheer Jane up by offering to take her to dinner among other activities, but she's been hurting which is why I'm here.
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    Jane hasn't practiced (at home or the studio) since the reception, and I don't want to invade her space at her studio by asking/telling anyone there (in case she doesn't want anyone to know). She asked me to return the white silks and costume after being so excited to receive them. She also said she's going to take an extended break from aerial to reconsider if she wants to continue. Aside from aerial, she's taken a break from seeing non- aerial friends too, choosing to
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    pretty much keep to herself. We would appreciate any advice from fellow aerialists on how to lift her spirits. We reminder her of how we're proud of her (along with the many compliments she received), but she's asked for space and to not talk about it. We're going to respect that and let time do it's thing, but we'll consider any advice from other aerialists who can relate to the time and work she put in. Sorry for this being so long, but we appreciate anyone who read and
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    takes the time to reply." This is the video that Dana sent to us via text that initially inspired her to have an aerialist performance at her wedding wearing white and using white silks: https://www.youtube.com/w atch?v=jY1ZTVc51bl
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    Comments from the First Post: (SomeMeatWithSkin): This is a rare story on this site where everyone (except the villain) does everything right. If this happened to an adult or even an older teenager she would probably still be hurt, but be able to see that Dana is the one with the issue. But at 16, she's still forming her idea of herself. It sounds like she's taking this all on as a reflection of herself. "I'm not someone who can be in the
    via u/SomeMeatWithSkin
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    spotlight." "My desire to perform hurts my family." I would really consider therapy. You could say all the right things to her (and I bet you have), but at 16 it's hard to hear your mom. Alternatively, and I'm sorry to say this, but is it possible that Dana's new husband gave Jane any inappropriate attention? That might explain why Dana is so upset when she presumably should have known exactly what to expect (although certainly
    via u/SomeMeatWithSkin
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    wouldn't excuse it). If there were any opportunities for Jane and the new husband to be alone I would really look into that also because it would also explain why Jane hasn't practiced since the reception even though the drama started a few days later. It is an extreme place to go but I would just ask yourself if there was an opportunity for him to be inappropriate because she is withdrawing from her entire social life.
    via u/SomeMeatWithSkin
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    When I was a teenager driving up to the next city over helped me sometimes. "Wanna take a drive?" is still a question I ask myself when I feel stuck and hopeless. Go to the big aquarium and get cannolis at the outlet mall or something equally random. Maybe she'll open up or get out of her head or maybe y'all will just have a nice day. Lots of love to you and your family
    via u/SomeMeatWithSkin
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    (Mistral19): "Jealousy is horrible! And Dana has just made herself look bad to anyone that came to the wedding! Also just for reference, I have performed at multiple weddings and have always had a white costume. It suits the theme and is no way comparable to a wedding dress"
    via u/Mistral19
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    (lesliebarbknope): "I always see aerialists in white at weddings- take comfort in the internet OP and hopefully they can use it as a defense with Dana. If she wants to be that way just post the receipts of how she asked her what to wear etc- if she's willing to say that for a 16 year old. Or let it go, it'll pass because I promise "Dana" will have some new crazy thing to do very soon! These types always do!"
    via u/lesliebarbknope
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    (ChelseaSphere89): "The bride is petty, immature and ridiculous, first off. You must see that, help her see it too if she doesn't already. When people show you who they are, listen. This is a painful, but valuable lesson that your daughter is learning very early in her performance/teaching career. Just like any obstacle or difficulty in life standing between us and the things we desire, she has the choice to either let it beat her down, or let it lift her up and
    via u/ChelseaSphere8
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    make more determined than ever. If she truly wants this, and does eventually go on to be an aerial coach and/or performer, she will face even more challenges. This is only serving to prepare her to face those. Making art is vulnerable, sometimes people won't like it. But that tells you more about them than about you most of the time"
    via u/ChelseaSphere8
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    (WeAllLoveDogs): "Dana wanted her wedding to be all about her (which is fair to an extent, but obviously not to THIS extent) and I think she was happy to have a beautiful performance done FOR her, but forgot that people will congratulate the performer, rather than the person who hired the performer. Given how extreme the response was, | would be a bit worried re: what someone else mentioned about the outside chance that Dana's husband said/did something.
    via u/WeAllLoveDogs
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    inappropriate, but my guess (and hope) is it's just a general attention thing. Regardless, it sounds like you and Dana's parents are handling things as best you can. Defending your daughter but respecting her privacy and boundaries sounds exactly like the right thing to do-- well done you! I would just continue to be there for your daughter in a low pressure way and make sure she knows she has safe people to talk to whenever she's ready.
    via u/WeAllLoveDogs
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    Maybe see if there are any non- aerial activities any of her friends are down to do with her? Maybe something like rock climbing, which can feel less performance- oriented and attention grabbing but can still feel fun for an aerialist because there's a fair amount of strength crossover? Hopefully she'll be comfortable with aerial again in future, but I think just trying to help her not socially withdraw too much would be good for her well-being for
    via u/WeAllLoveDogs
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    now. So sorry she's going through this, she sounds like a great kid and a very talented aerialist!"
    via u/WeAllLoveDogs
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    Update: November 24th "Before I get into what's happened since my last post, I wanna thank everyone who took the time to comment. Two pieces of advice really stood out, and I'll get to them shortly. Since my original post, Dana's Facebook post is gone. I don't know if she deleted it or enough people reported it for Facebook to remove it, but we're glad it's gone. She never apologized to us
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    (or Jane) or even bothered to call, so our position on being permanently done with Dana stands. My husband and I made a post on my Facebook addressing the lies she spewed about our daughter, and we shared photo proof of Dana's texts where she approved of Jane's white costume from links we sent, not to mention the song choice she sent us too. Better yet, Dana's mother reposted it on her account which really surprised me. Dana's mother wrote that
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    they loved Jane's act and that they disapproved of Dana's actions. My husband and I also made sure that Jane was okay with us addressing it on Facebook, and she said it was fine. Normally, I wouldn't use Facebook to address drama if aimed at me. But since this involves a grown adult attacking a minor, we felt the need to address it publicly because she disparaged her publicly, and Jane will remember whether we stood up for her or not years from now.
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    I had a chance to speak with Dana's mother since my original post on the phone, and she spoke to Dana again since our last call. Dana reiterated how she regretted asking Jane to perform, but she harped on the standing ovation that bothered her the most. Dana told her that she expected Jane to get some polite applause, but that the overwhelming response really set her over the edge because she expected the loudest cheers to be when she and her husband
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    entered the reception, but that went to Jane instead. Dana and her husband also received a great reception when they entered the reception, but Jane's performance did too, and Dana didn't expect it. Heck, even Jane was surprised by it too; she never received a standing ovation from a solo act before. But Dana's mother believes that if Dana had asked someone to sing who received a similar reception, Dana's jealousy would've been all the same. Someone suggested
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    seeing if Jane would be interested in speaking to a therapist given how hurtful Dana's comments could be for a teen, and Jane said she's open to it so long as it isn't a counselor at school because, as of now, she doesn't want anyone at school or her studio to know about the incident, and she vaguely told the coach who helped her choreograph that it went fine. We will respect her privacy request as it's her right to control the narrative. But in the same vein, I
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    suggested therapy for Dana to Dana's mother since her reaction might be a bigger insecurity, and she said she'd ask. The other thing someone suggested was the possibility of Dana's husband (or anyone) making an inappropriate comment to Jane during the reception that made her shut down and not want to see friends or practice days before Dana's post. My husband decided to ask her, and Jane said no when he
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    did. If something happened, perhaps she'd be more comfortable telling a therapist with time. But on the bright side, she said she might want to try a different aerial studio because she doesn't want to answer questions about how it went (or share a video) at her home. studio, so we will help her find somewhere new as she asked. We hope she doesn't permanently leave her current studio because she has friends and coaches who are supportive
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    (and she performs with that studio's troupe at festivals/gigs), but I personally understand the need to sometimes go somewhere where nobody knows you for a break, and we hope that that will help her. She hasn't said definitely yet. But if we does, we'll take her. She still wants an extended break from aerial in the meantime. But even if/when she goes back, she said she may never want to perform again and would rather do it leisurely, one of the reasons she doesn't want
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    to return to her home studio where she's a part of their troupe. She asked if we'd tell her troupe coach that she won't perform with them anymore if it comes to it. And if that's what she wants down the road, then we will. Hopefully time heals this wound and helps her at least keep the friends she has there, but we can only hope."
    via u/throwrathefinances
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    Comments from the Update: (Fluffykins_Pi): "I'm so glad that you and the rest of the family are backing Jane up as much as possible. Hopefully the support you show her now will eventually win out over Dana's hateful behavior. I also hope that Dana actually gets therapy, because going after a minor like that was beyond out of line. Maybe the suggestion coming from her own mom will make Dana reevaluate and make some changes.
    via u/Fluffykins_Pi
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    But regardless, it sounds like you guys are doing a great job parenting. I'm so sorry this happened, but the absolute best thing you can do is just keep showing Jane that you have her back and it's her decision what she decides to do from here. We'd be happy to have her back if and when she decides to return to the aerial community!"
    via u/Fluffykins_Pi
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    (half-angel): "I can see the positives in here that have happened since the last post. Thank you for updating, I have been thinking of you all. It does sound like Jane is still blaming her self and that will need unlocking as that mind set could spill over into other aspects of her life stopping her achieving to her full potential. She needs to realise that this is bridzilla jealousy that got directed towards her, nothing to do with her and if an ant had received
    via u/half-angel
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    that attention it too would have got squashed. Perhaps angle her to performing is fine, just never a (family) wedding again. And please ask her again in a few weeks time if any inappropriate comments were made or done. Sometimes it can take a while to feel comfortable enough to say it out loud. It's not uncommon for boys to take 30 years before they say something. I feel like her coach needs to know that the performance was amazing, but to
    via u/half-angel
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    know that there was fallout afterwards. They don't need to know exactly, but it will help explain the actions and ease the road back there for Jane. Please give her a big hug from me"
    via u/half-angel
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    fleatsd Other than Dana, it's really nice to see a bunch of adults behaving admirably in support of Jane. I hope Jane is able to heal and not lose something she's loved doing because of one mean- spirited individual.
    via u/fleatsd
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    matchamagpie Dana is such a vile person to be jealous of a teenager and bu y her online. Her husband is going to be in for a long, painful marriage and I shudder if they have any daughters. Dana is the type. of person to compete with her own children.
    via u/matchamagpie
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    Trusty WorthyJu... There's bitter, then there's whatever the f this is, throwing shade at a teen for doing something YOU requested and then when they go above and beyond what you expected decide "I know, I'll try and ruin her life with lies, that'll show em" just disgusting...
    via u/Trusty WorthyJudas

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