Overly-generous daughter doesn't give mother her usual ‘monthly contribution’ so she can have spending money on vacation, mother becomes ‘cold [and] distant’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Dec 5, 2024 10:00 AM EST

When it comes to your parents, you likely want to give back what they gave you when you were a child. This means you're either dishing out insults left and right or helping them out financially! Welcome to adulthood.

Folks who have solid relationships with their parents often try to do right by their mom and pops as they grow older and need to depend on someone for emotional and financial support. Many parents gave up so much in order to solidify a bright future for their kids that it's only right the children do the same. That is, unless, your parents guilt-trip you when you don't cough up a monthly "contribution" because you want to have some spending money on vacation.

The daughter in this next story expresses that her mother set a toxic precedent in the family: The daughter is responsible for funding her mother's lifestyle. Despite having a $1400 equivalent pension in Colombia, the mother still expects her to give her $250 every single month. For once, the daughter has prioritized her wants and needs, but her mother is not happy about it.

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    AITA for not giving my mom her monthly money so I could have extra spending money on my vacation?
    via Comfortable_Fox_6201
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    For context, I (26F) give my mom a set amount of money every month. She's retired and gets a pension, but she says it's not enough to cover her expenses. She insists that
    via Comfortable_Fox_6201
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    it's my responsibility as her daughter to help her out financially. My sister and her husband give my mom more money than I do, and they have a baby, which makes me feel
    via Comfortable_Fox_6201
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    even guiltier. They often remind me that they manage to give more, even with their extra responsibilities. This month, I decided not to give my mom her usual
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    amount because I planned a 10-day vacation with my fiancé to another city. I could have still gone on the trip while giving her the money, but I wanted to have more spending money to fully enjoy my time away.
    via Comfortable_Fox_6201
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    Now my mom is upset, and her attitude toward me has shifted. This isn't the first time she's been cold or distant when I couldn't (or didn't) give her money. Even though
    via Comfortable_Fox_6201
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    know I could technically afford both, I feel guilty for choosing to prioritize myself and my vacation instead. So, Reddit, AITA for skipping my monthly
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    contribution to my mom so I could have more financial freedom on my trip? EDIT 1: I did tell her I wouldn't be able to send her money this month, that's why she said no
    via Comfortable_Fox_6201
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    matter what happens it's my responsibility to help her financially. I didn't give her a month notice, just some days before I went on vacation. EDIT 2: some of you have been asking what her
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    pension is. It's 1,400 USD but we live in Colombia so life here is cheaper than in the US. For some perspective. EDIT 3: For everyone saying I shouldn't be giving her any money and
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    that is not my responsibility, I've tried to tell her I'll help her out when I can but this only leads to her growing resentment towards me, turning cold etc. I basically
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    have no other option because if I don't send anything my family says I'm an AH, if I send only when I can they also get angry because my sister helps monthly. The only
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    way to keep them happy is to send her money each month. I do feel used and honestly I only send not because I feel it in my heart but because I feel it's the only way to keep peace in the family and avoid drama.
    via Comfortable_Fox_6201
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    EDIT 4: I give her 250USD monthly. My sister gives her the double of that + she covers the expenses of lighting service. My mother lives alone in a big apartment she owns so it's a bit more expensive than a regular apartment.
    via Comfortable_Fox_6201
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    TheBewitching... 1d ago. NTA you are being used and guilted to take care of your Mother, not only by your Mother, but your sister and her husband as well. I'm curious as to how much her pension is??? My income is my income and that is what I live on. While helping her out sometimes is nice, doing it monthly seems excessive.
    via TheBewitchingWitch
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    Barefoot-Banan... • 1d ago NTA. I don't know what the general consensus will be but I could also be bias because I don't think you should be obligated to pay for your parents. You're giving money every month, you should be allowed to skip once so you can enjoy a vacation.
    via Barefoot-Banana322
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    I understand kids are expensive but they made the decision to have the child. They are also two people so I'm assuming potentially dual income? What happens if you have kids? Or your sister has two more children and cannot afford to send your mom more money.. is she going to rely on you both until she di s?
    via Barefoot-Banana322
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    Nalpona_Freesun . 1d ago NTA it is not your reposnsiblity to be a saftey net for poor financial planning on the part of your parents. sounds like your parents chose to have kids so they could guilt you into taking care of them in their old age, instead of them being financially stable
    via Nalpona_Freesun
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    via TerraquauqarreT

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feud family drama entitlement drama family split moms reddit story daughters family feud entitled people karma motherdaughter entitled family reddit thread r-entitled daughter Reddit mom money entitled people conflict
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