‘Honestly, I don’t want to be one’: Working woman rejects husband's desire for her to be his ‘trad wife’, scares him with mentions of divorce to open his eyes

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    money either. However I'm so tired of him being upset he can't have his "trad wife" and telling me it's my fault I can't be one. And honestly I don't want to be one. I am putting myself through school so I can have a career. I love what I do, I didn't marry him for money or to be taken care of but guilt tripping me over not being the one provider of our kids is getting to me.
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    AIO for giving my husband a reality check and telling him we should divorce
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    So I (27f) and my husband (35m) have been struggling for sometime regarding our lifestyle. He's always wanted me to be a traditional housewife. That's great and I would be one IF he could actually manage his finances. I have to work in order to keep us afloat. But he always
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    blames me and makes me out to be the reason I can't stay home because I have a car bill and insurance he can't afford. However due to his ridiculous spending he only has $70 after every paycheck and relies on his parents for money. I told him one way to solve our problems would be to divorce.
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    He pays for the house and bills but I pay for groceries, everything our kids need and my own bills. He doesn't buy me or the kids anything and I don't ask him for money either. However I'm so tired of him being upset he can't have his "trad wife" and telling
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    me it's my fault I can't be one. And honestly I don't want to be one. I am putting myself through school so I can have a career. I love what I do, I didn't marry him for money or to be taken care of but guilt tripping me over not being the one provider of our kids is getting to me.
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    So I said we should divorce. I should qualify for state insurance, my loan options for school would be better and I could get school fees for our kids waived. All of these things added together wouldn't save him a ton of money but it would save US
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    hundreds a month. I told him the only way to get his trad wife was to get a better job or divorce me. He's obviously upset but I'm just so over this. He said the idea of divorce is an overreaction but I feel like I'm just being real with him. So AIO?
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    Sidenote: I've seen comments saying I'd be committing fraud to divorce just for assistance. But I've been on state insurance before and I know it's based on household. I do realize I'd have to move out, parenting agreement
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    etc. I felt the need to inform him of a divorce because if he can't afford me and the kids (2 girls) he needs to go find a trad wife he can afford. For those wondering why I married him this recent trad wife thing was a new thing after we
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    got married. When we met he supported my studies and desires for a career. He would brag about what I do to people and I loved how supportive he was. After our daughter was born was when I slowly noticed he wanted a change in lifestyle.
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    Daycare is so expensive and that started the "trad wife" idea. He didn't think it was worth it to pay 1000+ dollars a month and I also did find the price tag for daycare insane. Slowly he became more adamant about me leaving my job and staying home. Also yes I
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    would stay home if that's what's best for our kids but that doesn't mean I'd stop working on my career. I'd keep attending and get my masters degree during that time. I would never just forfeit my career and school so easily.
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    Update: we decided to get together this morning and address the divorce suggestion I made. He is not much of a talker, but explained to me that he thinks that the way I live seems so hard. He wants me to have it "easy". I told him easy doesn't
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    always mean happy. I work hard because I want the job of my dreams (forensic counselor). Accomplishing my dreams and goals is what will truly make me happy. However, I told him if we absolutely needed me to stay home (he didn't work remote
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    anymore, mom stopped watching the kids on days I worked) I would. As of right now we both agreed I will continue working and stay in school and if an event arises where I need to stay home, that's when it may be most appropriate.
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    However for the time being we both agreed it was best to not merge bank accounts. We plan to do biweekly check-in, where we share our expenses. We went through and reviewed our expenses this morning and I realized he was buying me things
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    off credit cards and I hadn't realized it. I made it clear to him that if he had to buy me something with a credit card, I didn't want it. I also told him it doesn't make him any less of a man or husband to ask his wife for financial help from time to time. While he was swiping his
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    credit cards just to get by I might have had enough money in the bank to cover those expenses, but because he didn't tell me, I just thought I had more fun money or money for savings. accounts. Made me kind of sad because it made me realize how
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    hard he's been trying to maintain our lifestyle alone. Ultimately I'd rather him just come clean to me and admit to me that he's struggling because I want to know how to support him and same applies to him. I'm currently an hourly employee and when I'm
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    not working due to illness or kids being sick, he makes it seem like he can comfortably afford to help me by covering groceries that week. But it's evident he's not. We're going to come together later to come up with a credit card payment plan where I can pitch in as well to get to a point where we can stop asking his parents.
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    I did address that just because certain people on social media have traditional housewives doesn't mean that's what's going to work with for us. I told him if he needs me to do more or if he's stressed and overwhelmed, he simply needs to ask me for help or family and that's OK. He
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    admitted to being a little burnt out with the kids lately, but instead of just coming out and saying that and asking me for help, he's been complaining about me not being a trad wife. It's times like these that make me really appreciative for my counseling skills because I let
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    him have vent session. Even though the divorce statement was harsh, I think it finally gave him the push to come clean about how he's really feeling. He's not the most expressive nor talkative person on the planet and that's something we have been working on.
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    I did show him this post and we did read some of your comments together. Ultimately, he wasn't too happy, which I told him I completely understood, but I also told him what would make him that terrible person was him choosing not to listen to me, collaborate, and move towards
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    solutions. It was definitely hard for us to read some of these comments, but ultimately hard truths are still truths and we're grateful for everyone's advice and opinions
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