'It's the inaction that speaks volumes': Woman Opens Up About Getting Ghosted in 10-Year Relationship, Reflects on Red Flags and Her Post-Breakup Glow-Up

Author image for Isabella Penn
Isabella Penn
Dec 19, 2024 11:00 PM EST

Ghosting is practically the norm in today's dating app era, where situationships are as common as your daily swipe limit. One day you're texting nonstop about your shared love for tacos and Taylor Swift, and the next, it's total radio silence. No texts, no calls, no nothing. For a generation that's always online, it's wild how easy it is for someone to disappear into the void. And the fact that we're all perpetually plugged into the matrix makes getting ghosted sting that much more. Being ghosted can leave you questioning not just the relationship, but every text, emoji, and meme you ever sent. And the longer the relationship, the harder the sting.

This story takes ghosting to an entirely new level. Imagine being ghosted after ten years together. Yep, you read that right. This woman is finally ready to open up about her awful story of getting ghosted by the love of her life, only to be doing so. much. better. without him. Read the full story below. 

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  • 01
    r/Waiting_To_Wed ⚫ 1 throwawayaccount5319 Ghosted After 10 Years Together
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    This is a throwaway account because I feel like I've lived one million amazing lifetimes since this event and I don't want it associated with my active Reddit account. It's very strange, but I felt compelled to write this after this
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  • 03
    sub Reddit started popping up in my feed randomly over the last week. Yes, the heading is true: I was ghosted by my boyfriend of 10 years almost 7 years ago. Reading some of the suggested
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    posts from this sub really highlights so many commonalties and I guess I think well, if I can share my story and help one person, it will be worth it. My ex-boyfriend and I met when I was 24. He was 28. I was
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    starting my second university degree. He was working full-time and had graduated from university six years prior, but wasn't happy with his job. He also lived at home and had a codependent relationship with his mother. This is not
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    speculation. Or me trying to find an answer as to why this all happened. This is fact. She was a homemaker, he was one of six kids. His dad was a businessman, and his dad was too busy working to be there
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    physically and emotionally for his family. So they were well off, but the mothertried to make up for where the husband was lacking in other area with the children. A bit more of the background: My ex-boyfriend was the youngest child. All of his other
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  • 08
    siblings had left home in their very early 20s. Across the country. Most of them moved away for university and all of them never moved back. My ex was the only one that stayed. He drove one of the family cars. His mom did his laundry. He lived in the basement of their large house.
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  • 09
    About two years into our relationship, he decided he was going to leave his stable, full- time job and open an organic food business. I will save you all the boring details, but he ended up going into business with his mom, who said she was bored and had always wanted to open
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    a business but she never had the opportunity. But with her son interested as well she could finally do it. They borrowed the money from the husband/my ex's father, $200,000 to be exact. Over the years, this business. evolved from an organic baby
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    food business to an organic cookie shop, to an organic sandwich shop. Then organic cheese. To the point where they were renting a commercial kitchen for a lot of money each month to make their product, and they never, ever broke even,
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    let alone made a profit. In fact they were hemorrhaging money. But because the dad had money, they could just keep taking more money from him to fund these failed businesses and pivot their product whenever they wanted, and no one stopped them to say
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    hey, maybe this isn't working out and you should pack it all in. During this time I completed my second university degree, started working full-time, and I moved into my own apartment. At the beginning, I actually cherished
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    living on my own. My ex- boyfriend would come over (but would never stay the night because he said well I get up early and my mom expects me to drive into work with her). One time he was going to spend the night and she called him late
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    at night saying that his dad's favourite shampoo was on sale at Costco so he needed to be there now to grab it. I actually heard this conversation so it wasn't an excuse that he made up. This was the kind of thing I was up against all the time.
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    So he ended up leaving without spending the night because he said well the Costco is close to my house so there is no point in me driving there and then driving back here and then getting up at 5am to drive back out west to grab my mom and
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    drive us to the commercial kitchen for work tomorrow morning. (I had lived about 25 minutes west of him by highway then). After a while, I started, of course, saying to him, when are you going to move in, when are you
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    going to propose. When will we get married. At this point it was about six years into our relationship. So then he started giving me $300 a month ( a tiny portion of the $1500 a month in rent I was paying at the time) to basically show his interest, and that he was going to move in, he
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    just had to wait for the right time. When the business was making money. Then, Christmas and birthday cards etc from his friend started showing up at my apartment, addressed to him. Twice he asked to "borrow the apartment" while
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    I was working a night shift to have some friends over. I quickly realized that he was telling them he lived there because he was embarrassed, because they all were independent and living on their own and he wasn't. He was about 36/37 years old at the
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    time. I told him that was weird and he would just shrug and say "it's just easier for them to think that because I'm going to be moving in soon anyway. After all, I do contribute to the rent." Then he was talking about how his mom told him that if he moved out then the car he was
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    using would no longer be his. And because he wasn't making a paycheck at his business, he couldn't afford his own car so right now, let alone rent and bills 50/50, so it was just best to live at home. I offered to pay most of the bills for the apartment (stupid, I know, but I
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  • 23
    was doing it anyway so I figured well at least we'd be living together...I don't recommend this however and thankfully he didn't take me up on it). Anyway, I can come up with a million more excuses that he used with me, but ultimately entering our ninth year, just as I
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  • 24
    was going to be turning 34, and he was 38, almost 39, I was at my wits end. I basically laid it all out that him and his mom were very codependent and all of his siblings had gotten out years ago, but he was at home and yes, his mom needed help to run the house, but his dad lived at home. He worked from home.
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    His office was upstairs in the home. She could ask him. It's not like she would be alone in this big house if he moved out. He agreed that living at home was unconventional at his age but his business and his finances restricted him and he said he was hoping things would turn around soon.
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    Eventually, in that ninth year, I gave an ultimatum. People say don't do that because it always backfires, but in this case it saved me. I should've left years ago, but I was in school, and then he was starting his business and pivoting the business multiple times, and then I enjoyed living. on my own once I worked full
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  • 27
    time and moved out of my parents' house, and then he showed what I thought was good faith and started giving me some money per month for rent, so I thought it was just a matter of time until we moved in together and got engaged. Plus, I had already invested so many years into the relationship
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  • 28
    30s so the thought of starting over again scared me. Sound familiar? Yep, the relationship. was one big red flag. So in the summer, I gave the ultimatum and said by January you need to at least move in. He brought it up with his mother, and then she immediately
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  • 29
    scheduled her knee replacement surgery for two months later, and said that she would need help at home. But he kept insisting that in January he would be moving in. So I started making some space in the apartment for his stuff. I have a car and was able to walk to work so I said that he could use that car to get to and from work so he wouldn't have to use the car his mom was letting him drive.
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    You can see where this is going. At the end of November, I went on vacation with my mom for a week. He used that opportunity to tell me via text that he would not be moving in in January and that he needed to stay home with his mom. She was doing very well after the surgery and boasted to everyone that all the
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  • 31
    nurses and Physio, who came to her house, said how miraculously she was healing. Yet my ex- boyfriend said she needed him at home because she wasn't doing well post-op. Then he said, out of good faith, he needed to stay at home until he eventually paid his dad back all the money him and his mom had borrowed for the business
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    (this was over $300,000, and eight years into the business, they were still not making a profit each month. In fact never had they made a profit in any month, ever.). And that he had to pay back every cent before he could in good conscience move out and start funding his own life. So obviously that money was never gonna get paid back at this rate and yet again another excuse why we couldn't move in together.
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    I tried calling him from the vacation and he would just text me back that he was at work and couldn't talk. I did say some hurtful things in text messages back, but I was very hurt and I guess deep down I knew that this was going to happen. And the coward waited until I was thousands of miles away to break the news via text.
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  • 34
    But wait, the best is yet to come. So I return from vacation at the beginning of December and called him that night, and he answered and said we could meet up the next day to discuss everything and that he would call me in the morning and we could figure out when he would come over.
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  • 35
    The next day, the call never came. I called him multiple times, he didn't answer. I texted him, he didn't answer. This went on for a week. I know, I know. Many people at this point would say, you did this for a week, why didn't you drive to his house? Well, his business social media page was active and he ran that page so I knew that he wasn't sick or de d or whatever. So at
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  • 36
    the time I thought to myself well, he knows where I am. So he can call me. I'm not gonna show up at his door and have his mom answer and stand there demanding I speak to him. I still had a scrap of dignity left. At this point, he had just turned 39 years old and I was almost 34.
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  • 37
    And honestly, I assumed that maybe he was just avoiding confrontation because he knew that I wasn't happy with the fact that he wasn't moving in and that there were still no plans to move this relationship forward and that he just needed time to regroup (and likely come up with his next excuse).
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  • 38
    Christmas and New Year's came and went. Nothing from him. Starting just before Christmas I had emailed, texted, called. And never got a response. I never heard from him again. I wanted to show up at his door, believe me, and demand answers. Demand closure. Yet, in the silence I got all the closure and answers I needed.
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  • 39
    So yes, this man I had been dating for 10 years ghosted me. It has been seven years since this happened and I never heard from him again. Out of curiosity, two years after we broke up I visited his business' social media page (which, unsurprisingly, has turned into an organic mushroom business now lol) and lo and behold, he is married and
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  • 40
    running the "business" with his wife and his mom. The three of them are posing together in the pinned post at the top of the page, smiling with their arms. around each other. I guess that's what he wanted all along. A third wheel. And that was never going to be me. And about a year or two later, someone ran into one of his former friends and
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  • 41
    apparently his wife had moved into his parents' basement with him. I bet they are still there now, waiting to pay off that $300,000 so they can start their "real life" together Five months after this fiasco, I met my now husband. We became engaged after a year and a half of dating. We got married a year after that.
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    Honeymooned a year after that (thanks Covid). And 11 months ago we had our son. I am 40 years old. I wasted so many years on this man who said all the right things when his back was against the wall, but could never follow through. Yes, he ghosted me, but it ended up being exactly what I needed.
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  • 43
    Because I like to say that I would have left him, but would I have? Sure, I would like to say eventually, but even with him. saying that he wasn't gonna move in in January, I was still willing to talk with him, revise the timeline. That sort of thing. My "new life" is amazing. I love my son dearly, but I wish I could
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  • 44
    give him a sibling. Yes, I could become pregnant now or next year, but I want to enjoy my son now as he is still an infant. Ideally, I would want three years or so in between kids, but I don't have that time. So I could just get pregnant again, but we have decided to be one and done. So that is one of the results of having a child later in life. But the same time, if my ex and I didn't break up when we did, I
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  • 45
    never would have met my husband. He too had been in a relationship that it ended the same year as mine did. So I truly feel that this was meant to be. But even if I didn't meet my husband, looking back on that other relationship, I am so glad it ended. I still never got an answer, but I guess in the 10 years I did have the answer, but it was simply between the lines. So anything he could've said to me wouldn't have changed the
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  • 46
    outcome. I had to find closure myself, and I am a stronger woman for it. I wouldn't trade my life now for anything in the world. Please, if someone is extending timelines regarding commitment, saying we need better finances or better jobs or a house or have to do X, Y, Z before doing ABC, read between the lines. Don't settle. Don't give excuses. With my husband, it was so easy. I
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  • 47
    didn't have to set timelines, give a list of expectations, give ultimatums. Everything just happened naturally. I have read so many of these posts on this sub in the last week and it breaks my heart because I would say 90% of them are hopeless cases. At least that is my unprofessional opinion. You only get one life. Look deep within yourself to find the answers that are staring you in
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    the face. You deserve better and you will get it, but you won't get it if you are stuck where you are now, in a relationship with someone who is showing you time and time again that they don't want to marry you. They do not have to say the words. It is the inaction that speaks volumes.
    via u/throwawayaccount5319
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    Cheezburger Image 10438402048
    via Unsplash (Getty Images)

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