‘My dad is delusional’: Overbearing father attempts to control 20-year-old son's entire life including his job, living arrangements, and dating habits

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Dec 12, 2024 5:00 PM EST

Adulting can be really hard. Transitioning from a carefree life as a child; being financially supported and cared for by your parents is a comforting feeling and moving into the harsh world of adult reality is tough. Sometimes you think, "Hey, wouldn't it be nice to just keep the old arrangement going?" Maybe it depends on the person or the parents but as this 20-year-old found out, being a fully grown adult and still having your father treat you as a child is not a good way to live. 

The 20-year-old in this next story explains that his relationship with his father is reaching a boiling point after he tries to break free from the shackles that are his overbearing family—particularly, his father. Many folks would love to have a parent who is involved, but this new adult is trying to rewrite his story without his family breathing down his neck. Between his father berating him about his so-called incapabilities, to prying about his living arrangements and dating life, this 20-year-old is trying to strategize a way out of his father's spotlight. Scroll to read.

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    Cheezburger Image 10438438144
    via Unsplash (Nik Shuliahin)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    My dad tries to do everything in his power to prevent me from moving out and treats me like a child even though I'm 20 and I'm sick of it
    via k*sdoomer
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    I've been struggling financially ever since I became an adult due to unstable jobs, unemployment, and random car repairs. I've lived with my parents since I was fifteen so they feel like they need to raise me again since my grandparents did it incorrectly.
    via k*sdoomer
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    The problem is, they are still treating me as if I'm a teenager that needs constant parental control and supervision even though I am twenty years old and it's really messing with my mental health.
    via k*sdoomer
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    When I was 19, I finally acquired a stable job and a car so I tried to move into my friend's house. My mom was okay with it, as long as I am happy and safe, but my dad absolutely freaked out and told me I'm making a stupid decision
    via k*sdoomer
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    and I will f the whole family and my future over if I do this and overall just trying his hardest to guilt trip me into thinking I'm doing something wrong just by leaving.
    via k*sdoomer
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    When I did pack up my most valuable stuff and leave, my dad begged me to come home and "talk it out" with him and work on the business he spent all his money on. I foolishly obliged and when i came home he spent three
    via k*sdoomer
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    hours trying to talk me out of it and I listened to him patiently, then when it was finally my turn to speak I tried to remind him that I am a legal adult even if I don't look like one and I'll be fine on my own. He wouldn't even let me get through two sentences before he
    via k*sdoomer
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    interrupted me and screamed "NO!!!!!! THATS CHILDISH!!! FOOLISH AND CHILDISH!!!!! YOU ARE NOT AN ADULT!!! YOUR FRONTAL LOBE ISNT FULLY DEVELOPED!!!! YOU CANT MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN! THIS ISNT THE 1950's!" This made me feel
    via k*sdoomer
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    like sh and I knew he planned on using that dialogue no matter what I tried to retort with and neither of us were going to change our minds no matter what. Eventually we made an agreement that I will pay a small amount of rent to my friends for a
    via k*sdoomer
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    room in their house (for less than half the price normal rent would cost) but spend half of my week at my parent's house and go back and forth. He used the "business" we started as an excuse to keep me there, always
    via k*sdoomer
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    calling me and cutting my time short, demanding I come home because there's work that needs to be done. I didn't want to ruin our relationship because he spent a lot of money getting it started but it hasn't really gone anywhere even though I do work on it. Anyways, my original plan
    via k*sdoomer
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    was to just slowly move all my stuff to my friend's house and eventually I'll fully move in with my friends. This was a few months back and I know he was being and manipulative but I wasn't sure how else to deal with it.
    via k*sdoomer
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    About a month and a half into this ordeal, someone crashed into my car and destroyed it and because of this I lost my job so I could no longer pay rent and I was forced to move back in with my parents. When the insurance finally paid out, I accidentally bought a lemon
    via k*sdoomer
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    of a car and it bankrupted me with a bunch of random mechanical issues and in the end left me stranded on the side of the road with a 500 dollar tow yard fee that was paid by my mom because I already spent all my money from my new job on the last repair.
    via k*sdoomer
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    A few weeks ago bought an old running car from a family friend for 250 bucks and spent all of my last paycheck getting the tires replaced and fixing the transmission problem it had. Thankfully my mechanic said this car was in a way better shape the
    via k*sdoomer
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    other two I had combined, so I shouldn't have to worry about unexpected future repairs eating my wallet up. Im currently broke and in debt to my mom because she helped me pay for the new car and my repairs and the tow yard and everything. I'll be able to pay her off with my next paycheck but it'll eat half of it up.
    via k*sdoomer
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    They found a house they like that's closer to my job (15 minutes instead of 45 minutes away) and applied to rent it, and I didn't want to leave them in the mud so I agreed to help them rent it and send my paystubs. I
    via k*sdoomer
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    think I might've made a mistake but I'm not sure what else I was supposed to do. My parents. expect me to live with them until I finish school and I don't want that! My dad is delusional and thinks I need to be protected and I'm
    via k*sdoomer
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    immediately going to become homeless or kidnapped or whatever if I move out so he expects me to live with them until I finish school. I hate living with my parents because even though they look out for me and they feed me and always save me
    via k*sdoomer
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    when i have a pay for something I am unable to, my dad has an extremely toxic and clingy personality and I'm not happy having to deal with him every day. He's always insulting and demeaning my hobbies and acting like I'm wasting time when I'm being
    via k*sdoomer
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    creative and working on my own personal projects. Whenever he comes home from work and I'm in my room he calls my cellphone and acts like I'm doing something wrong by having alone time and God forbid doing art instead of being in the living room
    via k*sdoomer
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    rewatching some stupid show with him or doing chores. He's always making my dating life his business and trying to give his advice or input when I don't want it and asks if every girl I go on one date with is my gf now and I think it's really frustrating and uncomfortable how he forces me
    via k*sdoomer
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    to label what I'm doing and tell him what I'm up to all the time. Everytime I'm out of the house outside of my work hours he just has to call me and ask me what I'm doing and if I don't answer the phone he gets all pissy when I get home and tells me how worried he was and how it
    via k*sdoomer
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    was of me not to tell him even though I do it because I'm trying to prove the point that I'm independent and I'll just call them if it's an emergency. I know I still look like a troubled teenager in his eyes but I really am an adult and I honestly hate being around him every day
    via k*sdoomer
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    because I hate how he treated me when I was 17 and I think our personalities just clash too much and we really aren't compatible to live together without fighting for control and my own privacy. I know for a fact that I would've created and sold so much more art if it went for him always trying
    via k*sdoomer
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    to shut my creativity down and getting mad at me for "wasting my time" doing personal projects instead of chores or whatever. He is just overall very manipulative and clingy and controlling and I feel as if I can't fully be myself and teach my full potential as long as I live with because he always has to use his parental authority on me.
    via k*sdoomer
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    I'm not okay with the way he continues to treat me like a child and I just desperately want to live on my own without him constantly taking my spare time and getting in my business and having to listen to him throw an adult temper tantrum at least once a week. I'm just trying to figure out how to get my own place without his interference. I
    via k*sdoomer
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    already have a few friends who would be down to move with me. I think I'm going to save up for my own rental and post my room on fb and craigslist so I can move and find someone to take my place to help them pay rent so they don't get evicted
    via k*sdoomer

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