'This felt like an ultimatum': 30-year-old husband pressured by wife to pick between his family and hers for the holidays, he refuses to choose his in-laws

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Dec 15, 2024 2:00 PM EST

Figuring out logistics for the holiday season always requires making some tough decisions. However, if making these decisions puts a marriage in hot water, then there is a larger problem going on behind the scenes. 

Here, we have a 30-year-old husband who was hoping to split Christmas eve and Christmas day with his family as well as his wife's parents so both sets of grandparents could have some time with their three-year-old daughter. Unfortunately, his in-laws were possessive and could not fathom the idea that their precious daughter and grandchild would want to spend any time with their son-in-law's parents. This led to the husband's wife issuing a bizarre and disturbing ultimatum insisting that they opt to not split any time and rather spend the entire holiday with her side of the family, a choice that would most certainly hurt the feelings of the Redditor's parents. As many folks in the comments suggested, the wife's inability to see this total lack of compromising for what it is speaks trouble for the future of their marriage.

For more stories like this, take a look at this one about an entitled driver's parking drama in the neighborhood. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10441482496
    via Unsplash+ (Wesley Tingey)
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    AITA for refusing to go to my in-laws for Christmas after they disinvited my family?
    via 30lbslater
  • 03
    So, here's the situation: I (30M) am married to my wife (29F), and we have a 3-year-old daughter. This year, we were all set to spend Christmas Day with my wife's family, as we've done in previous years. My wife's parents (let's
    via 30lbslater
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    call them Linda and Greg) host a big Christmas celebration every year, and it's always been a bit chaotic, It's mostly a bunch of extended family, loud conversations, and lots of food.
    via 30lbslater
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    Now, I love my wife's family, but they aren't the easiest to deal with. Linda, in particular, has a tendency to try and control things, and she's always had a problem with my family-mainly
    via 30lbslater
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    because they aren't as "formal" or as traditional as hers. In the past, there's been tension about which side of the family we spend holidays with, but we've always managed to compromise.
    via 30lbslater
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    Here's where the problem started: A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to my mom about our Christmas plans. She was really excited to have us over for Christmas Eve dinner and wanted
    via 30lbslater
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    us to stay the night. I told my wife about it, and she seemed okay with it at first. But then, out of nowhere, Linda calls my wife and tells her that "she's really disappointed" that we were planning to spend Christmas Eve with
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    my family. She implied that it would cause a lot of tension, especially with other relatives, and that we "shouldn't split the holiday."
    via 30lbslater
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    My wife was kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place and ended up telling me that we had to choose between spending Christmas Eve with my family or going to Linda and Greg's
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    for the whole holiday. She said that her parents were "hurt" that we'd even consider spending time with my side of the family, and she didn't want to cause any drama.
    via 30lbslater
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    I was really frustrated, and honestly, I felt like I was being forced to choose. between my family and hers. I've always been understanding about her family's tradition, but this felt like an ultimatum. I told my wife that I wasn't
    via 30lbslater
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    comfortable with her parents dictating our plans, especially when my family. was being excluded from a holiday that's supposed to be about spending time with loved ones.
    via 30lbslater
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    After some back and forth, I told my wife that I wasn't going to her family's house this year if they couldn't be respectful of my family's traditions. It's not like we were planning on staying with my family for the entire Christmas
    via 30lbslater
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    Day-we just wanted to spend Christmas Eve there, then head to Linda and Greg's for Christmas Day. But now, Linda and Greg have flat-out disinvited us from Christmas, saying we can't "pick and choose" when it comes to family holidays.
    via 30lbslater
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    My wife is really upset with me and says I'm causing unnecessary conflict and making things harder for her. She thinks I should have just gone along with what her parents wanted and not caused a scene. But I'm feeling pretty
    via 30lbslater
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    hurt that her family is basically dictating where we spend Christmas, and I don't think it's fair to expect us to drop my family's plans without any compromise. So, AITA for refusing to go to my in- laws?
    via 30lbslater
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    • gover2087 5h ago • Your wife needs to grow a back bone and tell Linda and Greg their ultimatums aren't welcome. "Splitting" the holidays completely acceptable and normal for most families and Linda and Greg are narcissist for being selfish and trying to control your new family.
    via 30lbslater
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    You have a brand new family so start your own traditions on your terms and anybody who decides to not be part of them doesn't deserve to be. You've been more than flexible and accommodating. NTA, 100%.
    via 30lbslater
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    TomDoniphona • 5h ago • NTA Christmas Eve in one place and Christmas Day in another is perfectly reasonable and a standard arrangement.
    via 30lbslater
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    This is absolutely not fair on your parents. Your wife needs to understand that. And your MIL, she champions traditional values but she wants your parents alone for Xmas? There is no defending your wife's side sorry. Stand your ground.
    via 30lbslater

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christmas family drama aita entitled people karma in laws entitled family reddit thread Reddit holidays entitled people
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