Woman Insists on Attending Family Christmas Dinner with Her Cheating Boyfriend, Mother Refuses to Invite Him, Leading To a Family Dispute: 'He doesn't deserve another chance'

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Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Dec 27, 2024 8:00 PM EST

Giving someone who made a mistake a 'second chance' is usually much easier said than done. First, it really depends on the mistake that was made, and how irreversible it is. Second, the person who made that mistake should show clear signs of remorse, proving that they are truly sorry for what they've done and want to be better. Then, and only then, those who give that second chance should consider if they are up to it, and if they think it is the right call.

When it comes to cheating, another element of this journey is learning to trust that person again, and being confident that they won't repeat that mistake, which is something most people don't believe cheaters are capable of. That is why the mother in this Reddit story refused to give a second chance to her daughter's boyfriend after he cheated. However, the daughter did find it in herself to give her boyfriend a second chance, despite her family not being on board. This led to a dispute when the mom refused to invite the boyfriend to Christmas dinner, even when her daughter begged her to.

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  • 01
    With Christmas Eve coming up our usual family holiday dinner is approaching. It'll be me, my husband, Sam, his girlfriend, Mary, her husband, and hopefully Kate. I invited Kate but told her that this year we can't invite James. She seemed very upset..
    via Viktoria Ruban
  • 02
    AITA for inviting our oldest daughter over for Christmas eve dinner with the stipulation that her cheating boyfriend can't join?
    via ProduceTo
  • 03
    I'm 56 (F) my husband is 60 (M), our oldest daughter is 30 (F), our son is 28 (M) and our younger daughter is 26 (F). For privacys sake we'll call our oldest daughter Kate, our son
    via ProduceTo
  • 04
    Sam and our younger daughter Mary. We'll call Kate's boyfriend James. So Kate has been with James for almost 3 years. They currently live together. We always had family get togethers during
    via ProduceTo
  • 05
    holidays and he attended along with Kate. He always seemed very kind, polite, mature and down to earth. His family is very nice too. He and Kate seemed so happy and seemed to click so well.
    via ProduceTo
  • 06
    From what she shared, they had excellent communication and never fought and we're even discussing marriage. About 7 months ago Kate told me he had her ring finger measured at the jewelry store and she was so excited! So we're we!
    via ProduceTo
  • 07
    Unfortunately 4 months ago, I found out from a friend's daughter that he was having an online affair (long story). The family informed Kate, she apparently confronted James and he broke down crying and gave her all the details.
    via ProduceTo
  • 08
    From what Kate shared, he gave her full disclosure, did not blame her for anything, took ownership and he is currently getting individual counseling. He wants to work
    via ProduceTo
  • 09
    through it as does she. They're still together. She told me he's going above and beyond for her to make it up to her. I cautioned her in case he does it again. She told me he promised her he wouldn't
    via ProduceTo
  • 10
    and apparently can't believe himself why he even did it in the first place. He reached out to me and my husband and apologized to us. He was in tears.
    via ProduceTo
  • 11
    With Christmas Eve coming up our usual family holiday dinner is approaching. It'll be me, my husband, Sam, his girlfriend, Mary, her husband, and hopefully Kate. I invited Kate but told her that this
    via ProduceTo
  • 12
    year we can't invite James. She seemed very upset. Apparently the past two months they've been rebuilding things, went out on a romantic getaway, James
    via ProduceTo
  • 13
    is still getting counseling, gives her undivided attention and support. She said he acknowledged that it'll take a long time for trust to build back up. She told me if she attends without him this year
    via ProduceTo
  • 14
    she'll feel like a third wheel among all the couples there. She said by not inviting him this year it feels like her family isn't willing to give him another chance like she is. I'm
    via ProduceTo
  • 15
    not sure what to do at this point! I've spoken to everyone else and they're all on board with not inviting him. AITA?
    via ProduceTo

  • While we all want what is best for our loved ones, especially our kids, sometimes the right thing to do is to allow them to make their own decisions. Even though the mother thinks she knows what's best for her daughter, getting that involved in her relationship can do more harm than good.

  • 16
    . happybanana134 • 3d ago Supreme Court ... Top 1% Comme... What does excluding him achieve, really? It makes it harder for Kate to attend because she'll feel conflicted about going without him, she feels
    via happybanana134
  • 17
    unsupported re her relationship and her choices... get why you don't want him around, but I think you're just going to push Kate away here.
    via happybanana134
  • 18
    Going Greyer • 3d ago • YTA. They are trying their very best to make this work and it sounds like the bf is doing sufficient to make your daughter happy and things are looking up for them. Why on earth would you want to
    via GoingGreyer
  • 19
    exclude him? The only person who bestows forgiveness is your daughter and she has done this. Its nothing to do with you! That should be the end of it. All you are doing by excluding him is ruining their Christmas, putting
    via GoingGreyer
  • 20
    additional strain/stress on your daughter and her bf and getting to feel all holier than thou! Show some faith in your daughter as well as some Christmas spirit, please.
    via GoingGreyer
  • 21
    Glittering Joke3438 · 3d ago • Edited 3d ago A hole Aficionado [16] This reads like it's actually "Kate" writing this to see if she is justified in being angry at her parents for not inviting the BF. Interesting how the OP skims over the details of the actual betrayal but goes into great detail with all the ways the boyfriend has worked so hard to make it better.
    via Glittering_Joke3438
  • 22
    TrapezoidCircle • 3d ago • Edited 3d ago • Part ipant [1] YTA - boy oh boy has my family disliked some of my family member's boyfriends. They were always welcome with open arms on holidays, because the holiday is about family. Not necessarily "accepting"
    via TrapezoidCircle
  • 23
    their boyfriends, but showing that even with a terrible boyfriend, the family member is still welcome. If that makes sense. Some of these events even helped everyone form interventions, like, "Hey we all noticed Jess was aj to you when
    via TrapezoidCircle
  • 24
    you spilled the soda, are they always like that? Let's talk about it." Now, we are old. Everyone married good people, so it all worked out. Sometimes we gossip about the bad ones "hey remember Jess, yikes!"
    via TrapezoidCircle
  • 25
    One day your daughters ex will be a joke, "dodged a bullet with that one!" And you can all have a laugh about how much he shed.
    via TrapezoidCircle
  • 26
    CartoonistPrize8186 • 3d ago Part ipant [1] YTA. If she is choosing to work things out, making her choose between you and her partner is only hurting your daughter. I'm pretty sure her partner won't be keen to face you, but she won't want to rock the boat by uninviting him and will feel torn.
    via CartoonistPrize8186

  • ‘Once a cheater, always a cheater’, is what is on this mother's mind, and I honestly can't blame her. I don't know what I would have done in this situation, because I genuinely understand where each side is coming from. They all just want to be happy, and it is really hard to do so when something like cheating happens in a relationship. 

    What do you think? Should the mother cave and invite the boyfriend? Let me know in the comments below.

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christmas relationship advice aita drama mother relationship-drama reddit story relationships advice cheating couples love daughter Reddit dating
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