'People ask for my opinion and get upset when I give my honest answer': Man says he's 'not having fun' on a hike with brother, brother calls out his brutal honesty

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 26, 2024 1:00 PM EST

We all have to lie sometimes in order to grease the wheels of life. Part of being a human is not saying how we truly feel in order to spare the feelings of someone we love. Imagine if every time you get a gift you didn't have much use for, you said "I don't really like this, Aunt Suzy. I am disappointed and I hope you do better next time." That wouldn't really be in the gift-giving spirit, would it? 

Or if you said, "Mom, I know you tried really hard with this pot roast, but it is so bad that it lowers my opinion of you as not only a chef but a person." That might ruin family game night. So instead we have to coast along with omissions and half-truths, prioritizing feelings. That is unless you're the man behind this post, who was brutally honest with his brother to the point of ridiculousness. Read on for the story.

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    Cheezburger Image 10447311104
    via Fellipe Ditadi

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    AITA for telling people I'm not having fun when they ask and I'm genuinely not?
    via u/Ness_Lucas
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    This one is general. I am a guy who, when I don't enjoy something, I'll tell you I don't, but if I commit to something, I'll see it through to the end without complaining.
    via u/Ness_Lucas
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    This comes to a head where I was on vacation with my older brother in Arizona, who wanted to do a lot of nature hikes. Nature hikes are fine. I don't mind them, but I do dislike walking up large hills. Walking downhill is the easiest thing ever, it's like being nature's passenger princess. You just put your foot forward and let gravity do all the work. Walking uphill conversely is very draining and leaves me sweaty.
    via u/Ness_Lucas
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    I don't make a point to complain about something when I do it, so when I was walking uphill, despite not liking it much, I held basic conversation with my brother.
    via u/Ness_Lucas
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    As we were heading back down, he asked me if I was having fun and I said no. Not because of any fault of my brother, I just didn't find the activity fun. Not even bad, just satisfactory. Later when he was driving me to the airport for my flight home he told me "If I ask you if you're having fun, don't say 'no.'"
    via u/Ness_Lucas
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    I understand that it can be demoralizing to hear someone's not having fun, but I don't like it when people ask for my opinion and get upset when I give my honest answer. If I'm not having fun, I'll just say I'm not having fun.
    via u/Ness_Lucas
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    Kebar8 . 1d ago • Yta. "It's been a fun day hanging with you, but man this hike is steep" "I'm looking forward to the down hill bit!"
    via u/Kebar8
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    That's the sort of polite answer people are looking for. You acknowledge your enjoying your brothers company which was what he was looking for, but you can also acknowledge the hike is hard/difficult etc. It doesn't matter how much the activity s ks, people want to hear that you're enjoying their company.
    via u/Kebar8
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    throwitfar987 • 1d ago • Yup. Something along the lines of "It's awesome being out here with you, but man, hikes like this one totally kick my a." Doesn't offend him, and also doesn't sign you up for a lifetime of steep hikes.
    via u/throwitfar987
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    Aa_Poisonous_Kisses YTA. You could have • 1d ago • communicated your dislike of the hike with a simple "not really, but I'm enjoying spending time with you." You're being a
    via u/Aa_Poisonous_Kisses
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    OkDragonfly4098 1d ago • The "vibe" is something you have to create and participate in. If you're being a wet blanket, the vibe is
    via u/OkDragonfly4098
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    Helpful-Tell-43 • 2d ago. YTA You are perched on your self anointed pedestal and expecting everyone to treat you like a little princess. Your brother probably regrets ever going on a hike with you. Sometimes in life you have to walk up hill to get to where you're going.
    via u/Helpful-Tell-43
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    implosionatic 2d ago • NAH, but I think you and your brother would both benefit from understanding each other a little better. There's nothing wrong with giving him an honest answer but it obviously hurt his feelings. Unless he already knew your
    via u/implosionatic
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    feelings about that kind of hike and/or the things you do find fun, or unless you explained the context of your feelings afterward, your words made him feel guilty about failing to give you a fun time. He's wrong to say you shouldn't be honest but most people aren't used to that kind of bluntness and you failed to consider his feelings.
    via u/implosionatic
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    In the future, you might benefit from finding a better balance of keeping your commitments. without complaint and being more open about your preferences and desires. People feel good when they can have a mutually good time and people tend to feel worse about a situation if they realize they're the only one enjoying themself and the other is simply indulging or tolerating them.
    via u/implosionatic
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    Asleep_Region • 1d ago • YTA you can tell the truth and be nice "are you having fun" "i will be once we're on the down slope"
    via u/Asleep_Region
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    dazechong 2d ago. NAH. Maybe the no might come across a bit blunt, something like, I don't really enjoy hiking tbh sounds softer than just "no". But maybe he also just didn't mean the hike itself, but the whole experience, which may include spending time with him. Did you enjoy everything else other than the hiking?
    via u/dazechong
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    Throwawayhika90210 • 2d ago. Hello! NTA. As an autistic person I find myself having to think about what other people WANT to hear instead of what is the APPROPRIATE response. I think in this case you can give more context (if it seems right) WHY the activity is or isn't fun without diving into detail. Expressing your own needs isn't necessarily
    via u/Throwawayhika90210
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    complaining unless the problem has been addressed, (or there is more nothing to be done) and you bring it up to guilt other people. Maybe say like"Not very fun for me because long uphills aren't my thing!" And cut off further response without being rode. I think bringing it up beforehand to your brother might help too so the two of you can compromise. (First AmlTheAsshole post plz be nice to your fellow redditors)
    via u/Throwawayhika90210
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    SignatureDifficult24 . 1d ago You're NTA, but in situations like this sometimes it's better to just spare feelings. Saying you're not having fun really sours the experience. I would hate to hear that from someone I was doing an activity with. If you're already committed to doing the activity, what benefit is there to saying you're not having fun other than offending whoever you're with?
    via u/SignatureDifficult24
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    You don't even necessarily have to lie. He asked if you were having fun while going uphill. You could've said, "This incline is killing me at the moment but I'm glad to be experiencing this with you" or some variation of that.
    via u/SignatureDifficult24
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    • Aggressive_Cattle320 2d ago. NAH Not everyone is into hiking. That's a personal choice. But a better option would be to talk with your brother and compromise on doing something you BOTH will enjoy.
    via u/Aggressive_Cattle320
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    AnySubstance4642 1d ago • • NTA. I think we should normalize being more honest. Not r de, but politely honest. Lying to be polite is not good for anyone imo.
    via u/AnySubstance4642
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    I chuckled about the "passenger princess" bit, that's great. I guess in the future you could have a mental list of synonyms for "no" for sensitive company. Part of communication is knowing your audience, after all. Another tactic is to tack on a silver lining so you don't seem like a Debbie downer; having fun, "no, but the fresh air is good/I needed the walk" etc.
    via u/AnySubstance4642

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