Woman finds out husband has a child with another woman, she leaves him high and dry, despite his family bombarding her with messages to stay

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jan 5, 2025 2:00 PM EST

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. It's always a risk when you decide to spend the rest of your life with someone. Tying the knot means that you two are somewhat inseparable, that you have to feel like you know them backwards and forwards, that your relationship is built on an unshakable foundation of trust, respect, and reciprocity. You can't immerse and intertwine your life with someone if you have even the slightest doubt they don't have your best interest. Sometimes, you may think you've found the one, the person you'll be with forever, and that they do have your best interest. Time will always speak for itself, and if they're right for you, it will be obvious. 

In this story, the protagonist was under the impression that she married the love of her life. They're married for only two short years, but they both discover that he has a child with another woman. She's no longer with us, but it doesn't change the situation or the fact that her whole life trajectory has been altered against her.

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  • 01
    "You should be able to handle being a stepmom now"
    via @pixelshot / Canva
  • 02
    . r/AITAH 1 day ago Aromatic_Engine_608 AITA for leaving my marriage after finding out my husband has a child?
    via u/ Aromatic_Engine_608

    Does she even have to ask?

  • 03
    My husband (29m) didn't know he had a daughter (8) until a few months ago. We have been married for just over two years and something we both were on the same page about from day one was neither one of us was interested in stepparenting or dating/marrying someone with kids. So when I (28f) found out he
    via u/ Aromatic_Engine_608

    It's a tragic story…I couldn't imagine being married already, and thinking you have your whole life together, and how exciting it will be to build it with your partner, and then to have your world crashing down around you. It must feel like "why me" the second you get the news. But at least she knows where her boundaries are, and it doesn't seem like she's confused, or undecided, or wavering.

  • 04
    had a child already, and we had it confirmed, I knew this would no longer work for me.
    via u/ Aromatic_Engine_608
  • 05
    He saw it coming too and he tried to convince me to stay, and he tried to make it seem like it should be okay even though he wouldn't stay in a role reversal (and he admitted it). We have argued over it because he wants us to stay married, raise his daughter and have the kids we planned on having. He thinks I
    via u/ Aromatic_Engine_608

    Okay, red flag much? He told her that he wouldn't stay if the dynamic was reversed?! This is just not someone you want to be married to, and it's good that she's out early on. Who knows what else would or could have happened in the course of their relationship if it went on. 

  • 06
    should be able to handle being a stepmom now. He even said we don't have to deal with any ex drama. But he has a grieving and angry child who lost her mom two years ago, lived with her aunt and then was shipped off by the aunt to a father she never knew. It's a lot and she has been through so much and is actively
    via u/ Aromatic_Engine_608
  • 07
    going through so much. She's grieving and angry and she doesn't want to be with him or to lose everyone she knew by being sent states away from the only home she knew. There is so much help and support she needs. And I'm not the person to give it to her.
    via u/ Aromatic_Engine_608
  • 08
    My husband's family are disappointed and have wanted to talk about it but I told them there's no changing my mind. I already moved out of the house we lived in because it wasn't fair to drag it out. We've been living apart for months and I already filed but he wants me to change my mind and he wants me to
    via u/ Aromatic_Engine_608
  • 09
    consider therapy to try and work through this. He said I shouldn't throw our life away together over him having a child he didn't know about.
    via u/ Aromatic_Engine_608
  • 10
    There have been more attempts in the last month from him and his family to get me to call off the divorce and his mom told me they (the family) love me and would hate to lose me from the family. And that I'm stronger than I realize.
    via u/ Aromatic_Engine_608
  • 11
    The whole thing boils down to though, that even though I do love my husband, I am not happy he has a child with someone else. She's de d, yes. There's no competition or anything there. But I'm not happy that there is a child to begin with and I don't believe I would ever feel she's my own. I always knew raising
    via u/ Aromatic_Engine_608
  • 12
    someone else's kids wasn't something I would be willing for. I know this is selfish on my part and I am fine with that. But does this make me a horrible person or an AH in the case of what's going on? That's what I'm here to find out. AITA?
    via u/ Aromatic_Engine_608
  • 13
    Able_Stay_9984 • 1d ago · • NTA. He has admitted he would leave you if the shoe was on the other foot. He can't have one set of rules for him and another for you. This smacks deeply of 'l can't be bothered to raise her myself so I'd like you to stay so I can lumber you with the
    via u/Able_Stay_9984
  • 14
    responsibility instead, that's what women are for right!?' You are right, he and his family need to stop focusing their efforts on you and start focusing on that poor little girl.
    via u/Able_Stay_9984
  • 15
    zanne54 22h ago • Top 5% Commenter he wouldn't stay in a role reversal (and he admitted it) And this right here is the reason why I'd now see him as a total hypocrite and trust would be irreparably broken. NTA
    via u/zanne54
  • 16
    Tyger_byhertail • 23h ago • NTA, as a stepmom thank you for making the decision to walk away. My stepson. lost his mom also and I would've rather he not had a stepdad at all than the one he had. If I can make an observation here, it doesn't sound like either of you are
    via u/Tyger_byhertail
  • 17
    even ready to start talking about kids. Get out now and take the time to figure out what you really want out of life. I feel for the little girl in this situation.
    via u/Tyger_byhertail
  • 18
    WeddingFickle6... 1d ago • NTA. If you truly feel you will not be able to love the child and bond with her, then you are doing what is best for her by leaving. Your soon to be ex is in for ar de reality check if he thinks another woman can seamlessly slide into the place of the child's
    via u/WeddingFickle6
  • 19
    mother just because her mother is deceased. She had 6 years to form a bond, and she is grieving that loss. I'm afraid he is not going into this with realistic expectations. You seem to have a much better grasp of what the child has been through and how much
    via u/WeddingFickle6
  • 20
    attention and support she will need. Tell him and his family to stop worrying about you and start focusing on him and the poor child whose world has been turned upside down again.
    via u/WeddingFickle6
  • 21
    • Un1QU53r 1d ago • NTA - You married into one situation and find yourself in something unexpected. For everyone involved, it is best to make a clean break. File, and go nc with everyone.
    via u/Un1QU53r

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