Boyfriend sneakily donates woman's late grandfather's baseball card collection to charity while she's away on a work trip, sparking a relationship rift: ‘It feels like such a betrayal’

When someone you love passes, you want to ensure that you keep everything they've left to you. What was once a dusty old box of baseball cards that you'd put on eBay for $50 is now a priceless, sentimental thing you pledge to keep with you for as long as you are able. There's nothing quite like the grief of a loved one passing on, so keeping their belongings safe with you almost makes you feel like they're still here with you. This is all part of the grieving process, and every individual has a different timeline for grief—that is okay! What isn't okay is someone feeling entitled to speeding up the timeline of your grieving process, especially when you advised them to let you and the sentimental items be.

The user who posted this story was away on a work trip and her boyfriend took it upon himself to donate a baseball card collection—which they've already argued about—to charity. This baseball card collection belonged to the user's grandfather and then to her father, who both have since passed away. She is still relatively new in her grief, and despite her best efforts to convince him otherwise, her boyfriend decided that this box of sentimental baseball cards was simply "clutter". Read ahead to get all the details and some additional commentary from folks on the internet.

Author image for Lana DeGaetano Lana DeGaetano
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  • "[He] got defensive and said I was 'overreacting' and being ‘materialistic."" 1 BEDROOM FRAGILE FRAGILE
    via Faruk Tokluoğlu For Unsplash+
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  • AITA for Being Furious at My Boyfriend for Throwing Out My Dad and Grandfather's Baseball Card Collection?
    via LisaHsu
  • All the names have been changed to protect their identities. (41F) have been dating my boyfriend "Dan" (39M) for about one year, and earlier this year, we decided to move in
    via LisaHsu
  • together. I own my house, and Dan moved into my place with me. He's been really insistent on "decluttering" and has always talked about how he hates "useless junk."
    via LisaHsu
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  • W
    via Unsplash (Anastasiia Krutota)
  • For some context, my dad and grandfather collected baseball cards together for decades. When my grandfather passed in 2020 due to cancer, he left his collection to my dad. My dad and I bonded over
    via LisaHsu
  • this collection when I was little-he'd tell me stories about the players, the games he and grandpa watched, and how they spent weekends going to card shows. After my dad passed away Two months
    via LisaHsu
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  • ago, the cards became one of my most cherished possessions. I kept them neatly organized in binders and boxes on a shelf in a spare room. Last week, I was out of town for a work trip. When
    via LisHsu
  • I came home, I noticed the room where I keep the collection looked suspiciously empty. I immediately asked Dan where the cards were, and he said, very casually, that he "took care of it" and
    via LisaHsu
  • got rid of the boxes. I was floored. I asked what he meant, and he said he donated most of it to charity because it was "just junk taking up space," and no one needs that many baseball cards.
    via LisaHsu
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  • “No one needs that many baseball cards."

    Even when the user's boyfriend was explicitly told to keep away from the baseball cards because of the sentimental value they held for her, he didn't take her request seriously. This isn't a misunderstanding, it's a respect issue. In toxic relationships, one partner might try to think and act against the other party's best interest because they are sitting on their own high horse. Behavior like this can change if the person makes a real effort, but in this story's case, he is clearly incapable of respecting his girlfriend's wishes.

    You'd think that he would cut her a bit of slack and understand that grief is complicated—but instead, he sneakily disposes of the cards while she's away. He likely did so, because, let's face it: he didn't want to do it in front of her out of fear that she'd tell him off. That notion, however, is completely illogical because she'd find out eventually, which she has—and the relationship might have paid the price for her selfish actions.

  • I freaked out. I told him those cards were incredibly sentimental- they weren't just some clutter, they were a legacy of my family. Dan got defensive and said I was "overreacting" and being
    via LisaHsu
  • "materialistic." He also said that he was trying to help me live a more organized, minimalist life and that I "never even looked at" the collection anyway. I was crying at this point, and I told him that he had
    via LisaHsu
  • no right to throw out something so important to me, let alone without asking. I checked with the donation center, and while they confirmed someone dropped off boxes of baseball cards, they had
    via LisaHsu
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  • already sold most of them. I feel sick knowing they're gone. Now Dan is saying I'm blowing this out of proportion and "choosing stuff over our relationship." He said he
    via LisaHsu
  • was trying to do something good for us. and accused me of being selfish. But I can't shake the anger and heartbreak. It feels like such a betrayal.
    via LisaHsu
  • I've barely spoken to him since, and he's been moping around the house saying I'm making him feel like a monster. I honestly. don't know what to do. Am I the a hole for being so upset? Should I just let this go because he thought he was helping?
    via LisaHsu
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  • bad_romace_n... NTA Today it was the baseball card binders. Tomorrow it could be YOUR house he's taking from you. Call Waste Management or 1-800-GOT-JUNK, and have him and his possessions removed.
    via bad_romace_novelist
  • WoodlandElf90 NTA. You're making him feel like a monster? Well, if the shoe fits... What he did was extremely cruel. He had no right to throw away your property, regardless of whatever c ppy reason he might've had. And instead of
    via WoodlandElf90
  • apologising, he doubled down on his sholery. What a piece of work! OP, this man doesn't respect you. He doesn't even seem to like you much. He didn't even stop to think how that would make you feel. Instead, he's playing the victim, hoping you'll gloss over his awful behaviour. This isn't ok.
    via WoodlandElf90
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  • dvioletta NTA, a collection that old, probably had some very expensive cards in it, and if the charity shop was looking to raise money, they got the collection appraised and then sold off the best ones to collectors. You need to ditch the boyfriend. He has shown no
    via dvioletta
  • respect for your items. It was a massive betrayal and just as bad as someone broke in and stole them. I don't know how your charity shops work, I would see if you can get the rest of the collection back that hasn't been sold. It is not the same but maybe you can start building a collection of your own based on what you have.
    via dvioletta

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Tags

toxic-boyfriend boyfriend feud relationship advice aita charity drama sentimental relationship-drama baseball reddit story relationships relationship feud Reddit toxic relationship
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