17-year-old confronts his father for being a better dad to his stepchildren than he was for him, his stepmom overhears and scolds him for not accepting her children: 'I told [my dad] I wanted him to ignore them and only care about me'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jan 3, 2025 6:00 PM EST

So many parents are better the second time around, and it's bittersweet. How many times have you heard this story before? A mom had her first kid at 20 when she was young, dumb, and making everything up as she went along. Then, 15 years later, she has her 2nd kid and is able to give that kid everything her eldest never had. While the eldest might be glad that their sibling is growing up in a more stable environment than they did, they likely simultaneously feel bitter that they never got to live in a nice house and feel financially secure their entire lives. It's a perfectly normal feeling. 

These kinds of resentments don't only happen in nuclear families. If you have a blended family, there's a huge chance that a kid will be resentful of their parents starting a new family with new kids that they don't know or care about. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10450150912
    via Andrej Lišakov (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for telling my dad it hurt my feelings that he's a better dad now that he's a stepdad and wouldn't do it for me?
    via u/LeadershipPale3031
  • 03
    My parents got divorced when I (17m) was 7. My dad was never the best dad or the worst dad. He wasn't a monster or neglectful but he never made time for me. When he wasn't working he'd be doing chores and stuff at home and he mostly left me to do whatever I wanted. If I asked him to hang out with me he'd say later and later never came or he was too busy and maybe another time but the other time never
    via u/LeadershipPale3031
  • 04
    came. He'd encourage me to do as many extra curricular's as I wanted and he hired a babysitter to take me to and from those after school. He went to parents conferences with my mom. But I don't remember him being at very many school plays or sports games. The few times he showed up he'd be gone before it was over and wouldn't mention it and sometimes he'd be so distracted he'd ignore questions I asked.
    via u/LeadershipPale3031
  • 05
    It always made me sad and I asked him to spend time together pretty often. When I found out he was dating someone it was a surprise but then it hurt me again because | found out he was spending time with her and her kids and bonding with them. He did
    via u/LeadershipPale3031
  • 06
    eventually include me into that for a few months before they moved in together. But I was pretty devastated ngl. I saw him be such a different person and since they got married he's become a way better dad. But it started with them and it hurts and makes me angry too. I don't want them to have better than me. I hate that they get better from my own dad than I did until they came along.
    via u/LeadershipPale3031
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    Cheezburger Image 10450155008
    via Peter Dlhy

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    He's taken more of an interest in me but I pulled away and I reject a lot of his attempts. He takes us all out to do stuff and when I see how much time he's spent with them and the bond he built with them it makes me want to tell them all to go off.
    via u/LeadershipPale3031
  • 09
    His wife has called me out for not being warmer to her kids and trying to get to know them like they've tried to get to know me. My dad has set up a rotation for different things with different kids and I'm included in it but it doesn't feel like enough when I have to watch him include them, when they got this stuff before me.
    via u/LeadershipPale3031
  • 10
    He sat me down a few weeks ago and told me he felt like I was unhappy and he wanted us to talk. He said his wife told him that when I'm here I don't interact with her or the kids and I come across as being angry at her kids and a few times I walked away but it looked like I was going to be mean. He asked me what was
    via u/LeadershipPale3031
  • 11
    up and I told him exactly how I felt. I told him it hurts me to see him be this great dad because he met them and became a stepdad but he wouldn't do it for me. I told him it pred me off so badly. I told him where was that dad for me. And why did he give them the dad he is now first. Why them. Why not his own kid. I told him they're not his real kids,
    via u/LeadershipPale3031
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    they're not the kid who wanted so badly for him to spend time with him. I am. I told him I deserved it not them. They were just his wife's kids. I pointed out how often I tried to spend time with him before he met her and how he'd brush me off. Or how little he showed up and took an interest. I asked him how I was meant to be happy he was trying now when they got it first, when
    via u/LeadershipPale3031
  • 13
    they started it not me. I told him I couldn't be glad for them. He told me he was sorry and he started to get upset and he said he didn't really reflect like he should have on his failings and that he said he heard everything I said and he was so sorry he wasn't better and all this stuff. He told me he wanted the chance to make it up to me but he couldn't just ignore them now either. And to do better for real he needed to give me 1:1 time but he also
    via u/LeadershipPale3031
  • 14
    needed to still keep spending time with them. He asked me if I was okay with it. I said no. I told him I wanted him to ignore them and only care about me but I know that's not fair. It just doesn't seem fair that they got this better version first. I told him it kills me to see it.
    via u/LeadershipPale3031

  • One might think that this is a bit extreme of the kid, but I think it's necessary. If he played down his exact feelings, his dad wouldn't be able to take the actionable steps to fix it. His honesty might've hurt his feelings, but he's been spending his whole lie squashing down his feelings and not telling his dad his side of the story, and that hasn't helped anything thus far. 

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    We talked some more and we agreed it would be better if I live with mom and he takes time with me, and he's doing that. But after Christmas his wife reached out and she told me she heard everything I said and how unfair it was to punish her kids with what I said when they're not responsible. She said I made my dad feel so guilty too and how that wasn't fair when I should just enjoy the fact he's doing better. AITA?
    via u/LeadershipPale3031
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    Cheezburger Image 10450155776
    via Julien L

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 17
    chimera4n NTA Your dads wife is though, she really needs to stay in her lane and mind her own business. Let your dad know what she said, and tell him that you don't appreciate her knowing your business. If your dad really wants a good relationship with you, he needs to do better.
    via u/chimera4n
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    Feisty_Plankton775 And part of doing better is shutting down his wife for harassing his kid.
    via u/Feisty_Plankton775
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    The_Grinface OP, please tell your dad what she said! Horrible of her.
    via u/The_Grinface
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    thrwy 111822 Is it not a red flag to her that her new husband was such an absent dad? If I were her, I'd be worried that he was just putting on a show for me and he'd eventually become disinterested in my kids too.
    via u/thrwy_111822
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    ACM915 NTA- but his wife is a total AH for calling you to complain about a conversation that she had no place in, and trying to guilt you into trying to be a sibling to her children.
    via u/ACM915
  • 22
    runawayforlife Right?? Like, way to kiss goodbye any progress that was made, lady. What is with the steps on here, reaching out to these kids behind the bio. parents backs, against their wishes, and meddling in a situation that was properly being addressed??!! Ugh, the rage. OP is NTA
    via u/runawayforlife
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    MargaretMajestic Yep! Instead of interfering, she should be supporting her husband's efforts to repair his relationship with his son.
    via u/MargaretMajestic
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    jewel_flip My question is where is OPs mom in all of this. Mother to mother might be more effective. Especially is step mom has a de d beat. No 17 year old is going to have the skills required to get this woman to see she is creating the tension by expected a kid to handle this with grace when even she can't.
    via u/jewel_flip
  • 25
    rebelwithmouseyhair OP's mother managed to divorce and leave the guy, she probably didn't like that her husband did nothing with his kid. The father is responsible for bringing this woman into OP's life, he should now talk to her and explain that she was out of line and shouldn't be interfering.
    via u/rebelwithmouseyhair
  • 26
    comptchr And she acts like he's an impartial adult, not a hurt, wounded KID! I know he looks big (17), but he has years of neglect and is still processing things like a kid because he is one. 17 looks adult often, but in developmental terms, he is still a child. Step is sooooo unfair to him to do this and I'm speaking as a teacher of 21 years.
    via u/comptchr
  • 27
    mittenknittin Really. It sounds like you had a really productive conversation with your dad (as much as it may have hurt) and for her to turn around and complain about you explaining why you're so hurt is out of line. Love isn't a zero-sum game, though time can be, and for her to be first upset that you're not open and warm enough to her and her kids, and then upset that dad needs to change what he's doing to fix that, is just selfish.
    via u/mittenknittin
  • 28
    Secret_Double_9239 NTA and respectfully his wife needs to stay in her lane and realise that her husband might be great to her and her kids but he wasn't to you. That indignation she feels for her kids is exactly how you feel every time you are reminded that he could have been a good parent he just didn't want to be one to you. She doesn't have the right to speak to you about the private conversation you had with your dad when the only way she found out the details was by listing to a private con
    via u/Secret_Double_9239
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    I do think you should speak to your mom about therapy for yourself. And remember that therapy doesn't mean you have to forgive him or want to be around him but it does mean that you get to feel a little less angry and can begin to move on from him/the situation.
    via u/Secret_Double_9239
  • 30
    Librarian Neat1999 Gosh my friend's dad did this. Was neglectful parent (not bad just not there) and that plus his affair with the jump off who became wife 2 cause her so much pain. All of a sudden he has infant twins with JO and he's father of the year all while his daughter is killing it in school and sports. She graduated at the top of our HS (along with Associates degree from our community
    via u/LibrarianNeat1999
  • 31
    college and had full academic/sports ride to a local Ivy League school. He didn't go to her games or later her graduation because the twins and wife (20 years younger than mom of course) needed him. He tried to make it up to her later but the damage was done. He was furious when her mom's husband walked her down the aisle. Too bad.
    via u/LibrarianNeat1999
  • 32
    Vegetable-Cod-2340 ΝΤΑ First and foremost, Op you need to have a conversation with your dad and your mom about his wife. You and your dad were having a private conversation, it was deliberately private, and instead of talking to the other adult she chose to call a 17 year old and try to manipulate him. She's overstepping and not helping her cause. Op, you are perfectly free to have those feelings and to tell your Dad especially since he asked you. However I would suggest that you and your parent
    via u/Vegetable-Cod-2340
  • 33
    LeadershipPale3031 OP He is trying and we're working on it together now. It helped that I don't go to his house every other week anymore. It means I don't have to see him with them and that helps.
    via u/LeadershipPale3031

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stepchildren teens teenagers stepmom wife bad parenting parenting raising teens dad stepdad Parenting Fail son parents children Father Parenting FAILS
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