Grandparents start college fund for bio grandson, adopted brother bans them from graduation: 'If I'm not your real grandson, you're not my real grandparents'

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jan 7, 2025 3:00 PM EST

Welcome, women of the World Wide Web. Couples adopt children for all sorts of reasons. Perhaps the pair is unable to have children of their own due to their own biology. Others do not want to bring more children into the world but still want to have the experience of having and raising them. In any case, most aspiring parents that seek to adopt children do so with the intention of loving that child as if it were their made of their own DNA. However, the same cannot always be said for other family members. 

In our story today, a young man is shocked to find out that his loving grandparents do not consider him to be a 'real' grandson. Not only did they say so in front of his face, but they also started a college fund meant only for his younger brother — their biological grandson. Despite lukewarm apologies, our protagonist stands his ground and bans them from attending his graduation ceremony. Get all the details down below.

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01
    They said something about wanting to do it for their grandson, making sure that he's set so he doesn't have to worry about paying for college. My mom then asked if they had started on for me, and they I said I wasn't their "real" grandson, so the answer was no.
    via pixelshot
  • 02
    AITAH for telling my dad's parents that I don't want them at my graduation when they said I wasn't their real grandson?
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125
  • 03
    In November, my (18M) dad's parents and my mom got into an argument because they mentioned they said they decided to start a college fund for my brother (11M). It wasn't even brought up, they just decided to share it on their own. My mom was confused since they mentioned it out of the blue but thanked them. She asked them why they decided to make one now and why they brought it up.
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125
  • 04
    They said something about wanting to do it for their grandson and making sure he's set so he doesn't. have to worry about paying for college. My mom then asked if they had started one for me, and they said I wasn't their "real" grandson, so the answer was no and they didn't have one for me. They added something about how I'd "get something else" and accused my mom of expecting too much.
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125

    They brought up the topic unprompted in front of both grandkids? They really have no tact. 

  • 05
    For context, my dad adopted me when I was 5. He started dating my mom when I was 2. I don't know my biological father personally, but I know of him. He died when I was 3, and my mom told me he wasn't a good person and was in and out of jail. My dad is the only dad I've ever known, and I always thought his parents accepted me. But hearing them basically say I wasn't their "real" grandson hurt. It wasn't even about the money. It was the fact that I was excluded and realizing the only reason why wa
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125

    They can use their money as they wish, but saying that in front of him was just cruel. 

  • 06
    The argument happened right in front of me and my brother. Just a few days before Thanksgiving. Since then, I've viewed my dad's parents differently and tried to keep my distance from them. They eventually apologized for saying I wasn't their real grandson, but only because my dad basically forced them to. Over time I realized I didn't really care anymore, but I just loved them more than they loved me.
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125

    What a heartbreaking realization to have.

  • 07
    School is almost back in, and I take senior pictures soon. My dad's parents were over for Christmas, and my parents brought up me taking pictures. That led to my dad's parents talking about how excited they were to see me graduate and how they couldn't wait.
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125

    It really is hard to tell if they're just self-absorbed and oblivious or calculating their every word and action to hurt our protagonist. 

  • 08
    This confused me. It honestly did because a month ago they basically told me that I wasn't their real grandson and now they're excited to see their "grandson" graduate.
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125
  • 09
    I told them that they weren't coming and that I didn't want them there. Of course, this shocked my parents and my dad's parents. They asked why, and I told them I remember them saying I wasn't their real grandson, so it doesn't make sense for them to want to come to my graduation when they have no ties to me.
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125

    This was a really cold, yet well-deserved clap back. He has no reason to put up with their fake displays of pride for their 'grandson' who they openly and candidly rejected. 

  • 10
    My dad looked upset, and his parents were too. His parents basically said I should move on since they already apologized and meant no harm. I told them that when they apologized, it was only because my dad told them to. After that, it got awkward. This happened during Christmas, and I haven't seen
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125
  • 11
    them since. My dad told me they're hurt by what I said and that I should apologize and let them know I didn't mean it and that I'd still like them to come. I told him I meant what I said and that I don't want them there. It's not like I can stop them from coming anyway, but I'd prefer if they didn't since they have. no reason to be there. He says their feelings are hurt.
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125

    Dad needs to stop making everyone apologize when they don't mean it. 

  • 12
    It's honestly embarrassing to think they've been my grandparents my whole life, only to find out they didn't even think of me as their grandson. My mom says she agrees with me but thinks I should consider my dad's feelings since this puts him in a hard position and wants everyone to be "family." I'm not trying to hurt my dad, but I just don't want his parents at my graduation when I just found out they didn't accept me. û 21.5k 3,617 2
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125

    Letting the grandparents attend the graduation will not make these people 'family.' The damage has been done, and only by action — not half-hearted apology — can the grandparents show that they have accepted their adopted grandson.

  • 13
    boomzgoesthedynamite ⚫ NTA. The fact that they said that, never mind in front of you, is outrageous. There are consequences for actions and words, and they're upset they have to face them.
    via u/boomzgoesthedynamite
  • 14
    prodrvr22. And the fact everyone is worried about your dad's feelings and his parent's feelings but are completely ignoring YOUR feelings is telling.
    via u/prodrvr22
  • 15
    fulcrum_ct-7567. Exactly! You are the kid in this situation, what they did was messed up. Your Dad should be asking what you need to help heal and move on. His parents created the mess and now they have to deal with the fall out. So many elders think they can say whatever they want and it will be ok or forgiven because they are elders, but no that is not how it works. You have to be accountable to your actions just like everyone else.
    via u/fulcrum_ct-7567
  • 16
    Tipsy Magpie Elders implies a certain level of wisdom. OP's grandparents are just plain old, and there's nothing special about that.
    via u/TipsyMagpie
  • 17
    Astute_Primate NTA. *Your* feelings are hurt and your feelings are just as valid. Once you say something like that, you can't take it back no matter how much you wish you could.
    via u/Astute_Primate
  • 18
    Ok-Distribution9125 Thank you. I was starting to believe I was the one in the wrong seeing how much this is making my dad upset. But what really stung was that they said all of that stuff right in front of me and didn't even bother to say sorry until the next day and only because my dad made them. I don't think they would've if my dad didn't tell them. Right now, it feels like my mom is the only one who really understands where I'm coming from and my dad is just trying to play mediator.
    via u/Ok-Distribution9125
  • 19
    225wpm8 NTA. They can't fix what they've done. Some things can't be unsaid
    via u/225wpm8
  • 20
    anonidfk NTA. Even if they try and pull the "we didn't mean it" card, I'd say "well, even if you say you didn't mean it, you only started a college fund for one of your grandkids and not the other, and actions speak louder than words" and then I'd slip it that they shouldn't expect invites to any other major life events (future weddings, etc) either since those are for "real" family.
    via u/anonidfk

    They could have apologized honestly without dad's intervention and started a fund for him, too. Even that would have been a mere baby step towards repairing the relationship. Instead they went for a forced band-aid apology on the massive, open emotional wound that they inflicted. 

  • 21
    RedFoxBlueSocks "We didn't mean it" Well, then exactly WHAT did you mean? ... 320
    via u/RedFoxBlueSocks
  • 22
    Similar_Cranberry_23 Honestly I can't see a flaw in your logic. They hurt you, in front of you and what they said can't be unsaid. I don't even begin to know how they erase that or you even healing from that. Tell you dad THEY hurt you deeply and one doesn't just get over that with an "I'm sorry" changes nothing. Nta
    via u/Similar_Cranberry_23

    Maybe they can offer to erase the memory Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind-style.

  • 23
    Corfiz74 Came here to say this - they can apologize until they're blue in the face, that doesn't mean they can unsay what they said, or that you can unhear what you heard - your relationship was damaged irrevocably when they renounced you.
    via u/Corfiz74
  • 24
    Doofuscat Why isn't your Dad supporting you? I wouldn't want them around either. My heart goes out to you
    via u/Doofuscat

Tags

family drama graduation toxic brother sibling rivalry reddit story relationships parenting adopted love education grandparents reddit thread red flag Reddit college
Scroll Down For The Next Article