'I’m trying to communicate with you. Yet you refuse to answer me': BF kicks GF of three years out of the house after she spends many nights out of the house without telling him, gives her one day to pack

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Jan 14, 2025 12:00 PM EST

In sickness and in health. For better or for worse. In life and in death. These are the sorts of things you'd hope your long-term partner would commit to when they decide they want to be with you. And when you realize that you can't commit to these things or that your partner is not the right person for you, you hope that it will end amicably and reasonably, as adult relationships should. Alas, this isn't always the case. Some people struggle with expressing their emotions when it gets down to the nitty-gritty, and they don't have much in their emotional toolbelt to deal with it. This leads to ghosting, poor communication, and the end-all-be-all: cheating.

In this story, OP is coming to a crossroads with his partner. Growing pains, as some may say. He asks her to spend some quality time with him, and she instead chooses to hang out with her friends for all hours of the night. It's hard not to imagine the worst when your partner isn't giving you any answers, and yet, you hope that in times of trouble, you'll be able to act rashly. Would you do what OP does in this scenario? Read more to find out.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10454518016
    via Drazen Nesic For Unsplash+
  • 02

    "I kicked my 3 year girl friend out and gave her one day"

    It's 2 AM and I can't sleep on this. I am 37 and my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend is 34. For the past month she's been going out almost every weekend and not coming home sometimes until 3-4 AM.
    via mvang87
  • 03
    I got really upset one day. She said she was going to hangout with friends for their Christmas dinner. So I finished ice fishing and texted her to join since I know the boyfriends of her girlfriends. So... she never responded and the boys are chill with me showing up. I drove to the house of the person she mentioned. However, when I showed up, no cars were there. So I called my girl again and she didn't answer until midnight... she then said she was hanging out at a sushi restaurant where her fr
    via mvang87
  • 04
    asked her what time she would be home and she told me around 1 AM. 2AM goes by, I call no answer. 3AM no answer. So 4AM I start driving there to the restaurant to make sure she's good, but as soon as I am halfway... she magically calls and says she's on her way home.
    via mvang87
  • 05
    So since Thanksgiving Weekend she's been doing this kind of thing of going out and not letting me know or letting me know about anything.
    via mvang87
  • 06
    So this past Sunday, I had asked her for us to go hangout on Monday and she didn't really give me an answer. So on Monday she took her dog to the vet, then went to work and gym. She usually gets done with work from 8pm-10pm. At midnight I called her and asked if she's on her way home. She said she is just about to leave the bar. I was so furious with her. When she got home I was super mad. I told her that the previous night I had asked for us to go out, yet she went out with her friends instead.
    via mvang87
  • 07
    That's when I lost it. I was like, I'm trying to communicate with you. Yet you refuse to answer me. I said to her, "since you like going out with your friends so much, get your sh and go live with them." She didn't really move and just stayed in bed. I started folding laundry out of frustration and kept repeating myself to her. Eventually I kicked her to the sofa to sleep so I could get some sleep before work. (I work from home)
    via mvang87
  • 08
    So she went out on Monday, got storage and signed a lease. Find out the friend she stayed with took her to a Pool Hall and saw a photo of her letting another guy hold her and kiss her on the cheek. Today, we sat down... I asked her what happened. The first two years were amazing. She claimed the following items:
    via mvang87
  • 09
    1. I spent money traveling to attend 3 wedding of people I served with in the military this past year. So she felt that I should had just chosen 1 to attend. I tried explaining her that military people we have a different level of relationship as we all spent 4-5 years living together. She didn't care, just said I spent too much money going to their events.
    via mvang87
  • 10
    2. She had asked for some Versace sunglasses for her bday. But said she was picky. So I decided to get her to try some Ray Bans so she could try them out. (This one is on me.) Should had got her what she wanted.
    via mvang87
  • 11
    3. Her Nike shoes she wanted wasn't going to come in for Christmas in time. So I went and got 2 pairs from the Nike Outlet store. (She didn't like that I didn't get her the ones she wanted)
    via mvang87
  • 12
    4. I had opted to redo a retaining wall in my backyard for $26,000. The 2nd lowest quote I got. She said I should had redone the bathtub first and then make my way outside. (The bathroom inside is completely functional only just one from the 90s). The old retaining wall was pushing on the neighbors fence, that's why I opted to do it that way.
    via mvang87
  • 13
    5. She doesn't appreciate when I lecture/mentor my nephews. Said everyone should mind their own business.
    via mvang87
  • 14
    6. I have a late wife and a step kid who still keeps in touch with me (he lives in a different state and his biological dad surrendered him to the aunts and uncles) My girl and I got him a train station Christmas decoration that he can put on his night stand. Then for Christmas I got the kid some AirPod 4, about $130. She was upset I got him a second gift. I told her about the gift and she did not give me half.
    via mvang87
  • 15
    7. My girl claimed that I'm not saving for our future. Yet I told her I'm the only one with a Roth IRA and 401k.
    via mvang87
  • 16
    So she ultimately said, because of this she started going out more and more and not inviting me. She especially said what triggered it was because I decided to attend fellow veterans wedding and one of my buddies got commissioned as an officer (old roommate).
    via mvang87
  • 17
    For me, I am like... I am attending close friends who I served with, should not equal to you all of a sudden equal to you going out every weekend. I did apologize and said I was just upset when I kicked her out. Especially when she didn't give any reasons. I told her all of this could be easily talked about, but she decided to keep it all in. Felt like she purposely went out and told me I couldn't go to just me off. We did go to a concert together and another dance concert. But that was like 2 o
    via mvang87
  • 18
    Am I wrong for kicking her out? (FYI, we did have an argument a week ago about splitting bills and she said, "I had plenty of guys who wanted me and told me they would take care of me.") She's also mentioned about moving out before... I asked her, she's okay with paying a landlord 1000-1500, but I'm asking 500 a month to help with other bills. She just tells me it's not that and doesn't really explain it beyond that.
    via mvang87
  • 19
    Credit for her: First two years, we had like every night. She paid for a lot of our outings. Our first date she paid for all the beer at the game! She also helped buy random decorations in the house. Since I typically just do bare walls and live a minimalistic lifestyle. She was buying a majority of the groceries. I would get water, toilet paper, paper napkins and other stuff. When she can, she'd help with half on gifts. Recently she kind of stopped getting groceries. Now it's hard to get her to
    via mvang87
  • 20

    Redditors were quick to assume that OP's girlfriend was cheating

    NTA. Get rid of her. She has another guy on the side, and my guess is he's not yet willing to commit further to her... so she's killing time until he is. She's gaslighting you with a ridiculous list of sh which obviously has nothing to do with her going out in an effort to deflect from what she's doing. The lies about where she is and the uncharacteristic showers are a de d giveaway. Give her the boot and move on.
    via mvang87
  • 21
    Definitely NTA and you are better off without her. She hasn't bothered to communicate any of her frustration to you, just acted out like a petulant child. Plus all the things you listed above are well with in your rights to do. She sounds incredibly self absorbed and materialistic. Find someone who wants you for who you are, not what you can give them. Best of luck. Edited to add - I would be gobsmacked if she hasn't been cheating during this period as another means of getting back at you.
    via mvang87
  • 22
    NTA. Your ex sounds like she's been checked out of the relationship for a while, and her behavior is screaming red flags. Disappearing until 3-4 AM, refusing to communicate, letting another guy kiss her on the cheek, and throwing your military friendships and financial priorities in your face? That's not someone trying to make things work; that's someone looking for an exit. You weren't wrong to kick her out, especially since she's been dangling this "I could move out" card and refusing to contr
    via mvang87
  • 23

    *mic drop*

    At the end of the day, she was prioritizing herself and her nights out over your partnership. You deserve someone who respects you, your commitments, and your boundaries, this wasn't it. Let her go, and don't lose sleep over it. You dodged a bullet.
    via mvang87
  • 24
    My bl d started boiling at "All she said, was that when the time comes I will find out" part. Meaning? She was already working on a backup plan, she was about to leave you anyway. That's how i see it. You don't need her.
    via mvang87
  • 25

    And that's how the cookie crumbles

    Tell her to take those other guys up on their offers and kick her out. She's using you until a better offer comes along.
    via mvang87

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