'You don’t need to have a baby just to hold onto him': Woman's best friend claims she wants to have a baby with new boyfriend after three unsuccessful relationships, woman tells her it's a bad idea

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Jan 11, 2025 11:00 PM EST

Friendship is like a garden. You have to water it, and tend to it. And sometimes, what you think is best for the garden may not be the best solution. There are moments in life where we have to put aside our own opinions and morals to support our friends. It's what unconditional love is all about! Friends can come for advice, take it or leave it, and what they decide for their life journey is out of our hands. We all know a friend who has made some questionable choices, and it's our job to give them the love they need when they need it. These people, these "problematic faves," if you will, are peppered throughout our lives for reasons, seasons, or entire lifetimes. 

However, there will come a time when it feels necessary to intervene, when a friend's decisions have caused themselves and others enough pain and suffering that something has to give. That's where we find OP in this story here. When she finally speaks up to her friend about her life choices, she's met with hostility. Was she in the right to say something? Or was it truly not her place? Check out this story to find out.

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    AITAH for telling my friend how I feel about her pregnancy plans? Advice Needed Throw away account I (F, 38) have been friends with Jill since high school. After graduation, she met her now ex- husband and moved across the country. Even though we didn't live near each other, we stayed in touch. When I got married years later, she was my maid of honor.
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    Jill left her husband when their third kid was still a toddler (they had moved back to our city a year before that). She said her husband was a great guy but that she didn't find him attractive anymore. They co-parent now, and he's still super supportive of her.
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    Two years after they split, she met Ed, a child-free guy two years older than her. She got pregnant on their first date and tried to make it work for two years but eventually left him too. Ed's a good guy, though-he even includes her older kids when he takes her youngest out.
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    Now she's dating Dave, a guy we went to high school with. He had a crush on her back then, and they reconnected recently. He met her kids after four months, and things seem to be going well. When she came over the other day, she mentioned that Dave wants a kid of his own. Then she said, "I thought I was done having kids, but I'm thinking of pulling the goalie."
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    I was shocked and said, "You're kidding, right? You literally told me it was a mistake when you planned a 'surprise' pregnancy with Ed. Why are you doing this again? If he wants kids, maybe it's a sign you shouldn't be with him. You don't need to have a baby just to hold onto him."
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    She got mad and said, "This time, I have my older kids (14 and 15) to help out. It's like having two live-in helpers! Soon they'll have their driver's licenses and can take the younger ones to their activities while Dave and I enjoy date nights." Then she said, "Not everyone is lucky enough to meet the love of their life and live happily ever after! Get off your high horse." She left in tears.
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    Later, my husband told me I should've kept my opinion to myself. He said, "You can't change her mind; just be there for her when she needs you." Should I have just shut up? She hasn't been replying to any of my messages ...
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  • 09

    The Redditors weigh in...

    NTA. She got upset because you're right, not because you're wrong.
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    Her having literal plans to use her older kids as mini parents so she and her latest man can go on date nights is really concerning. It's all about pleasing this guy: he wants a kid, she'll pop out another kid, but wants to also keep him happy by still having couple fun on the reg, and she plans to accomplish that by dumping the new baby's care on her teenagers, rather than let them enjoy life.
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    Her using her children as mini parents is ickkkkky lol. But yea, I'd back off and let her do what she pleases.
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    Seems like OP's friend has bigger things to worry about than a new baby

    NTA but if she had no problem SA'ing Ed (planning to get pregnant without his consent), then she's a sh human who isn't going to listen to reason. She also flat out admitted that she's going to force her kids to be indentured servants. Parentification is a form of ab e as well.
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    Why would you even. Want this person in your life? I would warn Dave though, if you know him. Tell him what he's getting into (literally).
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    Wait hold up... she planned a surprise pregnancy with Ed??? As in... the first date pregnancy was planned?!?! Is that not trapping a dude? In other news though: Your husband just gave you the "Happy Wife, Happy Life" advice with keeping it to yourself.
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    NTA. Honest conversations are tough, but sometimes necessary. It sounds like you were just looking out for her, especially given her history. Maybe approach it gently next time, but don't beat yourself up for caring.
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    NTA. If four step-kids isn't enough for Dave he doesn't sound like he's worth holding on to. If having a "kid of his own" is so important to him it's likely he'd treat that kid differently than the others. Is that who someone with 4 existing kids wants to try parenting with?
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    If she thinks having a babydaddy in every zip code is a good look, tell her to have at it. I personally think that's disgusting, but that's her choice. Just don't say anything about it to her anymore, and if it really bothers you don't talk to her.
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    And there you have it, folks

    Nah, you were just being honest with your long time, close friend. Jill, on the other hand, expecting her babies to raise another baby to keep a guy happy, well, that's not ok.
    via Severe_Lecture_28001

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friendship drama Reddit aita pregnancy motherhood reddit story advice toxic relationship children
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