32-year-old woman tries to start workplace romance with coworker, complains when his 15-year-old daughter tells her he's not interested: 'She told me to take a hint'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jan 23, 2025 6:00 PM EST

As a general rule, romance and work are two concepts that do not combine favorably. Sure, we have all heard those stories about couples locking eyes over their cubicles and living happily ever after, but those kinds of things aren't necessarily a common occurrence. Pam and Jim had a generation thinking that they had a chance of clocking in and finding their soulmate. 

However, many who try to go down this route more often find themselves sobbing at the Christmas party because their one night stand from the other department didn't want to take things any further. Perhaps even worse is when they get outright rebuffed by the coworker who is the object of their affection. In short, it is usually not worth the risk of making that 9 to 5 any more painful than it already is by jeopardizing a relationship with somebody you work with. There are more acceptable places to look for love. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10458196992
    via Aleksandra Sapozhnikova

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This line of thinking completely bypassed one woman who for the past year had been pursuing her male colleague in the hopes that they might begin a romantic relationship. Despite her obvious interest in him, it never seemed to be reciprocated, which she put down to him not realizing what she was doing. 

    Unfortunately for her, this theory was proved incorrect when his father and teenage daughter visited the office one day and the girl plainly told her that he had no interest in her when she invited him for lunch. The woman got upset and during a later conversation with her work crush criticized his daughter for the way he had spoken to her. He wasn't happy, and she wondered if she had gone too far. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10458205952
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for telling my coworker he should teach his daughter tact?

    I (32F) work in an office with my coworker Ken (40M) who has a daughter Esme (15F). Ken and I are friendly, we've worked together for a few years now and over the last year maybe I have been trying to open the door with something romantic. I was being very obvious, but it never went anywhere, and I thought that it was because he was clueless.
    via IntentionSalt4788
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    A few weeks ago Esme came with Ken's dad to bring lunch to Ken. It was sweet, she was polite to everyone in the office, including me. They visited for about half an hour before I went to take my lunch. I always come in and ask Ken if he wants to join me for lunch, and I knew his visitors were leaving soon, so I did the same as always. He said no, which is no big deal, sometimes he says no sometimes he says yes. I asked if he was sure and he said he was, and I asked "are you sure you're sure" sor
    via IntentionSalt4788
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    His daughter speaks up and said "he said he's sure" and things got a little awkward, no one said anything but Ken and his dad looked shocked. I said I was just asking and she told me to "take a hint" and then Ken finally told her to stop. She said, quote, "it's not my fault she doesn't understand at her big age". I ended up crying, we didn't talk for a while and I steered clear. Last week I finally talked to him about it. He apologized and we talked a little more openly about stuff. Ken hadn't d
    via IntentionSalt4788
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    This is where things turned sour. I told him I understood, I apologized for pushing, and I ask him why his daughter treated me the way she did. He apologized but he said she was protective of his choices, she knew that he was not interested in anyone, and he had expressed his discomfort around my flirting to his family. I told him that still wasn't validation for how she spoke to me, and that he needed to teach her tact as ultimately I am someone being rejected by the person I had feelings for.
    via IntentionSalt4788
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    I've noticed some people giving me the cold shoulder, finally I asked a friend what was up, and she told me that some people thought it was wrong of me to have said that to Ken. I left it alone and figured it would blow over but I've had this nagging stomach ache since then. I think part of me is looking for reassurance, or maybe just laying it out in front of me to clear my head. I think I just need an outsiders perspective.
    via IntentionSalt4788
  • 08

    Nobody had any sympathy for her behavior.

    thirdtryisthecharm I always come in and ask Ken if he wants to join me for lunch, and I knew his visitors were leaving soon, so I did the same as always. He said no, which is no big deal, sometimes he says no sometimes he says yes. I asked if he was sure and he said he was, and I asked "are you sure you're sure" sort of teasingly. ΥΤΑ You're being obnoxious and unprofessional here.
    via thirdtryisthecharm

    As a general rule, if somebody's teenage child feels like they need to point out that your flirting is going nowhere it is no time to get defensive.

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    GothicGingerbread It would have been bad enough if OP had done this when only Ken was present; the fact she did it when his daughter and father were there makes it so much worse. And the fact that she asked him to join her for lunch despite knowing that his daughter and father brought him lunch just boggles my mind. OP, I understand that you've been crushing on Ken, but you need to learn that, when you keep flirting and the guy never once flirts back, and never tries to spend time with you, it m
    via GothicGingerbread
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    latinaenojona All of this! But besides all that I couldn't understand why she would even ask him to lunch, when Ken already had lunch. Does he get an extra hour to eat with OP? Was he just supposed to stare at OP while she ate? Did she want him to cut his visit with his family short so she could waste the rest of his lunch time? Either way I don't know why OP wouldn't let them enjoy their family time. Not sure if she's clueless or delusional. It was also wild that she couldn't take no for an ans
    via latinaenojona
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    ThrowRA_Last_Empath Yes YTA. Criticising someone's teenage child was petty and offensive. She didn't say anything wrong considering she already knew your advances make her dad uncomfortable and she just said exactly what she saw. You did need to get the hint already. And honestly, you should have picked up by now or at least left the ball in his court. If you're always asking someone to hang out, even if you break them down enough to give in now and then, if they don't ask you in close to equal
    via ThrowRA_Last_Empath
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    Independent_Word3961 100%. The fact OP is doing this with a coworker makes it extra cringe. Not only has she been making his work life uncomfortable for a year, now other coworkers are involved. OP should start looking for a new job.
    via Independent_Word3961
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    BulbasaurRanch ΥΤΑ You continuously made him uncomfortable with your constant flirting and his daughter finally put you in your place. You just didn't like it. It's not your place to try and teach him how to raise his daughter. Your inability to take the hint is your problem. She doesn't need to show "empathy" to the woman making her father constantly uncomfortable at work. It's been going on a year. How could you possibly not realize after all that time that he has no interest in you?!
    via BulbasaurRanch
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    PurplePufferPea Right! OP's behavior that specific day is appalling, and that was in front of his immediate family. I'd hate to think how much worse it was when they weren't around. The fact she believe she has the moral high ground is just plain comical!
    via PurplePufferPea
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    RevolutionaryDiet686 YTA You interrupted him while he had company. It wasn't cute when you asked a second time. His daughter does not have to treat you politely or with empathy when you are invading their private space. Don't be rode and people won't have to respond in kind.
    via RevolutionaryDiet686
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    Full_Pace7666 YTA I'm gonna be real with you OP, it's your own happened. Had you taken the fault this hint far sooner you wouldn't have been called out. Ken's reasons for choosing to not date you or that he's celibate is absolutely none of your business and it should never have come to that for you to understand he wasn't interested. Esme's response was the wake up call you needed, I don't think you would have stopped otherwise. And then when you hear everything, you criticised his child and his
    via Full_Pace7666
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    KateNotEdwina I'm on the daughter's side here. "Are you're sure, you're sure?" Geez. You're 32! You have a nagging stomachache because you behaved appallingly. Your picking on a teenager merely shows that you have to grow up!
    via KateNotEdwina
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    Ok_Boysenberry6873 Yta. He wasn't clueless, he was uncomfortable. He says no and you push. Even if he is with his kid. Then you act all shocked when a 15 yo told you to stop harassing her dad while she is spending time with him. Imagine the same with a women, a guy hitting at her every day at work, even in front of her kid who, maybe will leave soon but is still right now.
    via Ok_Boysenberry6873
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    FlimsyJeweler666 Maybe someone should teach you some tact. The man had guests and you just had to go in there and ask him to go to lunch when his guests came in to bring him lunch. You asked him once to lunch and he said no. Then you had to ask if he was sure he was sure. GIRL READ THE ROOM. What is wrong with you? Find someone else to stalk. YTA, clearly.
    via FlimsyJeweler666
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    Becalmandkind YTA. Why would you think it's OK to advise a work friend on how to raise his daughter? Especially so after the interaction resulted from you pushing yourself on him. Sorry, but you need to learn how to read a room. You're not the one who should be offering behavioral advice.
    via Becalmandkind
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    latinaenojona *work acquaintance I know poor ken does not consider this lady a friend. Honestly he probably just thinks of her as merely the annoying coworker.
    via latinaenojona
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    Outrageous-Victory 18 YTA in a gigantic way. I can't believe someone tactless enough to flirt (badly) with someone in front of his daughter & father thinks the daughter lacks tact. Priceless!
    via Outrageous-Victory18
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    SignificantOrange 139 she said at her big age Girl, she called you out and you're just bitter about it. It's been a year. You should have taken the hint a long time ago.
    via SignificantOrange139
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    Broken_Truck YTA. I am going to teach my child to do the same thing. They need to be honest with themselves and others. Speaking up for others is what is needed more in our society. The issue is that you got offended by a 15-year-old calling you out on you or behavior.
    via Broken_Truck

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