Woman finds out she’s not part of the boys’ club when her all-male team plans a Cabo getaway without her, leaving her to process their expense reports and her own exclusion: ‘ I thought I was a part of their team, but it’s now clear that I’m not’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Jan 27, 2025 7:00 PM EST

In the corporate culture of this day and age, some folks just can't seem to shake off their caveman instincts. It's like they missed the evolutionary memo about equality and decided to stick with their 'No Girls Allowed' treehouse rules. 

One would think that by now, with all our fancy technology and supposed progress, we'd have moved past the era of grunting and chest-thumping. But no, in many offices, it's still Neanderthal o'clock.

In these corporate caves. Suits may have replaced loincloths, but the mentality remains firmly in the Stone Age. It's a world where the "boys' club" isn't just a metaphor, it's a way of life, complete with secret handshakes and an unspoken agreement to keep the "others" out, all for the Bro Code, Bro! 

Who needs diversity when you can have a homogeneous group of dudes high-fiving their way to success?

Today's story proves that in some workplaces, diversity means boys can be 'mean girls' too.

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  • "My Team Is Going to Cabo And I Wasn’t Invited"

    "We're the 'hired help.' We're never seen as part of the team"
    via pixelshot

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • My team (a group of men except me) did really well last year. As a reward, we get a 4-day team trip. This is the first year since I've been here where a trip has been offered. The trip this year is to Cabo. I was so excited until it
    via CoCo_Pony

  • A testosterone-fueled team of dudes crushing it at work, with one token woman cheering from the sidelines, who got rewarded with a trip to Cabo for some margaritas and sunburns team bonding. 

    Our girl, an executive assistant, was initially pumped about the prospect, but soon realized she'd been left out "boys' club." And the best part is, she discovers her exclusion through an expense report. Proving once again that Bros are rightfully known for their unwavering thoughtfulness for other people's feelings.

  • became clear to me that I wasn't invited. The Managing Director of that team (the executive I directly support) never outright told me I was or wasn't invited. But has already booked flights, hotels and activities for the rest of my team members.
    via CoCo_Pony

  • NO GIRLS ALLOWED IN THE TREEHOUSE!!!

    Cheezburger Image 10459515648
    via Monkey Business Images

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Yesterday afternoon, I received that Managing Director's expense report to review and forward and all of the airfare for my team (and their plus one's) was on there. It's against company policy to seek
    via CoCo_Pony
  • reimbursement for future travel and instead of coming to my desk to tell me to my face that I'm not invited, he pushed back on my denial of those line items and asked me to push it through "because it's $11,000".
    via CoCo_Pony

  • You can't sit with us

    Cheezburger Image 10459516160
    via eyecrave

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • I'm hurt, embarrassed and sad. Do I just try to let it go? I've cried so much. I left my previous job at a law firm, supporting a CEO, in- part because of the accepted and
    via CoCo_Pony

  • Now she's stuck processing her team's betrayal while being asked to rubber-stamp their fiesta funds. 

  • normalized segregation. I get along with my team members and we socialize in and outside of the office. I thought I was apart of their team, but it's now clear that I'm not.
    via CoCo_Pony
  • KetoLurkerHereAgain Unfortunately, a lot of orgs, or just depts within orgs, will never see "the assistant" as part of the team. Oh, you'll do the work, but they don't really see you as equal. You're the help. I'm sorry because that's blunt but that's what this looks like.
    via KetoLurkerHereAgain
  • ScreenNames_AreHard That s ks... but to be honest... I wouldn't want to go on a team trip... having to be "on" all the time. Best behavior.... Even if it is Cabo. Plus I don't want my coworkers to see me in a bathing suit (even if I had a killer body). Think of it as a vacation from your team... it's a good thing. I barely want to go to holiday parties with my team. They are nice but 2 hours is enough...
    via ScreenNames_AreHard
  • rnochick It s ks & I'm sorry. I am often invited to events only because I'm doing all of the organizing and legwork. I was recently uninvited to the Christmas dinner at a posh restaurant & night stay at the hotel it was held. It was hurtful & r de because it was a thank you to the team for all the hard work & I thought I was a part of it.
    via rnochick
  • graceoftrees Its It s ks, admins are not included in award trips that their bosses or teams win at my org either.
    via graceoftrees
  • Banjosolo69 When you say "we get a 4-day team trip" does that mean the company grants it to the whole department or is it up to the department to decide who gets to go? If you are part of that team, I can see how incredibly unfair and hurtful it is that they didn't include you. A lot of people don't see EAs as value-adders to a team, just a benign accessory.
    via Banjosolo69
  • wildfairytale Are we not going to talk about the company policy being violated? That's wild that they'd push back on it, sounds like something I'd run up the flag pole
    via wildfairytale
  • gew114 Every single person at my company (small 15 people) is a male, every single one, even the unpaid intern got a $600 tie, I got an "oops sorry I didn't get you anything"
    via gew114
  • Zealousideallmage575 I've been the only woman on several teams, so I understand the frustration on that point. I ask this respectfully, what indicators did the give that you may be included? How have you been included in the past? Is it worth asking why you were overlooked?
    via Zealousideallmage575
  • Squirrel_Bait321 We're never seen as part of the team. It's so sad and is disgusting. Were the "hired help". Why would we be worthy to go with the "team?" I was an EA for many many years. I don't know what it will take to be seen any differently unless we negotiate during the interview of our expectations of being included and it's in writing. Ugh.
    via Squirrel_Bait321
  • Substantial-Bet-4775 I've never been invited on a trip unless I was part of the organization and needed to do some work on the ground during the trip. It wouldn't even occur to me to be invited. While I am a part of a team with the execs I work with, I'm not a part of the team in a way that my direct work contributed to the funds coming
    via Substantial-Bet-4775
  • in, which it sounds like this is why it was rewarded. I know what we do allows for more of that kind of work to be done, but it's on an indirect level. Does it stink? Yes, but to me that's just the situation. If you were given an indication that you would be included but then was not, that might be a different and very hurtful situation to me.
    via Substantial-Bet-4775
  • Wide_Statistician_95 Well now you know where you stand. Rethink how hard you work for them. Above and beyond is over. I walked into an offsite high end restaurant team dinner of all my team members eating with a few of the executives, and I was the
    via Wide_Statistician_95
  • only one not invited (I wasn't an EA), we were all peers and the execs were visiting town. I just happened to be there for a happy hour. Clearly a plan had been in place. It was humiliating as they attempted to invite me to sit at a weird corner chair they drug over. I walked out. I'm too old for this sh...
    via Wide_Statistician_95
  • giantpanda25 This is wild to me and so awful! My department I support and book events and activities for, always include me! Thursday we had a bowling event and people kept coming up to me and asking if I able to relax and have fun and if they could help in anyway so I
    via giantpanda25
  • could also enjoy myself. I've even been "adopted" by some of our sub-teams for monthly events like drinks after work, swag. I always joke that they do all the important stuff and I'm just “around” but they make sure and tell me how much they appreciate my efforts into making their work days more enjoyable. I would be heartbroken if I was you. :(
    via giantpanda25
  • Affectionate-Owl7257 I'm so sorry you've had to experience this, people can be so mean
    via Affectionate-Owl7257

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management boss workplace-stories hr toxic-workplace manager bosses work PTO managers supervisor workplace Horrible Bosses work-life balance
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