Step-mom refuses to "babysit" 5-year-old for free, demands $100 per night: 'She said it was “irresponsible parenting” on my behalf'

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Jan 30, 2025 5:00 PM EST

When exactly does babysitting become parenting? Or is it the reverse? That's the question that this parent is grappling with, since her son's stepmother thinks she's "babysitting" too much!

Many parents bristle at the word "babysitting" when it's used for the child's parents. For example, it's rather old-fashioned now, but there was a time when people might spot a father out with his kids and ask if he was "babysitting" for his wife. No… he's parenting his own children! Babysitting implies that it's a job that you do for a set amount of time, receive payment for, and then leave. So when you're parenting a child, you're a parent all the time… right? 

It's a question that can be confusing and awkward when stepparents get involved. Some stepparents are too overbearing, and try to force their kids into hanging out with them, leading those kids be resentful. Other times, the stepparent doesn't really like the children at all. They fall in love with their partner, then roll their eyes at the partner's kids. But if you're spending all your time with that partner and building a future together, it's not like you can just ignore their kid! It's a huge part of a parent's life. 

After that, read about some unforgettably bad job interviews, like on person who 'interviewed someone who... technically wasn't allowed to be in the building.'

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    Cheezburger Image 10461587200
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    "AITA for refusing to pay my child’s step mother to 'babysit' them?"

    Okay so before I start, I should say that my son is 5 - and only in the past 3-6 months has the father and his partner been consistent in his life.
    via u/Jazzlike_Seaweed466
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    Anyway - my son's father sees him for two nights every fortnight. He picks him up late Friday night and drops him off early Sunday morning every two weeks. Now when he first started being consistent, I would offer money to make sure my son was fed and safe. I only did this because for the last 5 years he would give excuses of "I have no money to feed him" or "I have no petrol". My son adores his dad, so
    via u/Jazzlike_Seaweed466
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    I offered the money so that he had no excuse not to spend time with our son. After about the third time of being consistent, his dad said "you don't need to offer me money anymore, I'm working full time and want to step up more". I didn't ask for child support, I never have. Everything my son has, all his toys, all his clothes, all his school stuff, every experience his had - I have paid for and I am proud of that fact. Fast forward to
    via u/Jazzlike_Seaweed466
  • 05
    a month ago and I received a message from my son's step mum. (They aren't married but have been together for three years, have a child together and are engaged so it's easier to describe her as step mum). The message had said that it isn't financially fair on them to have to pay for things my son wants when with them. She has asked for $100 a night - so $200 a
    via u/Jazzlike_Seaweed466
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    fortnight; to pay for his food, clothes, anywhere they go and any toys he wants when with them. I responded with, "if he wants a toy when with you, either you or his father can message me and I will happily transfer the money to one of you - as long as the toy comes home with him".
    via u/Jazzlike_Seaweed466
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    She said it was "irresponsible parenting" on my behalf for not wanting my son to have nice clothes and toys when at his dad's house and that anything bought with them should stay with them. I agreed and said anything THEY buy for him, should stay. She then made a big deal and posted on social media about how I'm a bad mother and refuse to take financial responsibility for my son. I
    via u/Jazzlike_Seaweed466
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    screenshot it and sent it to his father, and explained the situation to him. He apologised and said he had no idea. She then messaged me accusing me of trying to break up their relationship because I am a jealous ex and that she doesn't think it's right that she should have to "babysit" my child for free. I said that's fine, if my son isn't seen as part of your family and is just a child being babysat -
    via u/Jazzlike_Seaweed466
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    then maybe the custody situation should be revised. I know it's harsh because I don't blame my son's dad, I'm just at such a loss and feel like a major a h le. Am I the a hole????
    via u/Jazzlike_Seaweed466
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    EDIT; Thank you to the helpful comments, I didn't put it into perspective of asking for child support as a way of advocating for my son's rights. I will be speaking to my social worker and asking for child support that will be put into a bank account for my son. Thank you!
    via u/Jazzlike_Seaweed466
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    Cheezburger Image 10461587456
    via Toa Heftiba For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    westwestmoreland NTA. But seriously... go for child support. You're letting down your son by not holding his father to account for part of his upbringing, and that money is for your son, not you. You need to step up and advocate for him so you have the appropriate resources to give him the upbringing he deserves.
    via u/Jazzlike_Seaweed466
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    Trevena_Ice NTA but the step mom is. Hope you screenshoted this messages also and send them to the father. He wants to step up for his son? He should do so to his wife as well. Or remind his wife, that her husband would be legally be responsible to be
    via u/Jazzlike_Seaweed466
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    child support. So if she wants money for two days every two weeks, you might do the same and go for child support for the other 12 days (not that you would do that, but you can use it as an argument) and that you could go after the child support of the last three years. If that is what she wants.
    via u/Jazzlike_Seaweed466
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    E.. NTA. It's dad's responsibility to manage this situation. She never should have even reached out to you. All communication and financial arrangements regarding your son should only be between you and his dad and if he ends up leaving stepmom for acting like a teenager, that's on her for
    via u/Jazzlike_Seaweed466
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    acting like a teenager. If I were in your shoes, I'd tell her to knock it off or you're filing for child support wage garnishment.
    via u/Jazzlike_Seaweed466

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