“If you want to throw money at her, do it without me”: Husband secretly sends thousands of dollars to sister behind wife’s back, their marriage on thin ice when she finds out

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    AITAH for Blowing Up at My Husband After Finding Out He’s Been Secretly Giving His Sister Money?

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  • 02
    1 (32F) just found out that my husband (34M) has been secretly sending money to his older sister (38F) for years, and I lost it. I need to know if I went too far.
  • 03
    A little background: His sister has always been a bit of a mess financially. She doesn't manage her money well, constantly complains about being broke, and always has some excuse as to why she can't cover her expenses. I've always suspected she was bad with money, but I had no idea just how deep this went.
  • 04
    Recently, I started noticing that our savings weren't growing as they should have been. We make good money, and I handle most of our finances, so it didn't make sense. My husband has his own bank account for his personal spending, so I don't micromanage it, but something felt off.
  • 05
    I finally got my answer when I overheard a phone call between him and his sister. She was crying (fake crying, IMO) about how she was short on rent and desperately needed help. My husband, being the big-hearted guy he is, told her he'd send her the money right away.
  • 06
    That's when I checked his transactions and saw that he has been sending her hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars every few months. This wasn't just a one-time thing it was a pattern.
  • 07
    The worst part? The same day he sends her money, she posted pictures on social media flaunting a brand-new designer bag and eating at some fancy restaurant with her friends. I scrolled back and realized this wasn't the first time. Every time she cried to him about being "broke," she was posting about some shopping spree or night out right after.
  • 08
    I confronted my husband, and we had the biggest fight we've ever had in our marriage. He kept insisting that she really needs help and that "family takes care of each other." I told him he's not helping her he's enabling her. I was furious that he was giving away our money to someone who was blatantly using him as a piggy bank.
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    I asked him point-blank if he had ever gotten a single dollar back. He admitted she has never repaid him, despite constantly promising she would. That's when I lost it and told him that if he wants to keep throwing money at his sister's lifestyle, he can do it without me.
  • 11
    Now he's upset, saying I'm being heartless and that "it's just money." But it's our money, and I feel completely betrayed that he's been keeping this from me. His sister, of course, is now playing the victim, saying I'm cruel for "coming between family." So... AITAH?
  • 12
    Candid Process 1831 NTA! She is milking your husband for money and he does not realise it and keeping it a secrect is also a big red flag!
  • 13
    Good-Jackfruit8592 Was this joint money or money "from his own bank account for his personal spending"?
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    Baking93 Roses My sister in law went through a rough divorce a few years ago and we knew money was tight for her
  • 15
    We spoke together about what we could do for her and ended up reaching out she literally told us there was no way she could repay us So instead we asked for her electric and water bills BSB numbers and we payed those for a few months until she told us she was back on track
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    Money received $ וון
  • 17
    If he feels like he has to help her there are better ways to go about it You're NTA
  • 18
    RaccoonCharacter33 If it was from his personal account, I can see his reasoning. However, since he didn't contribute what he should have to the savings, I would separate the savings. And show him how much is technically yours from the
  • 19
    savings. Not sure how much it. is, but take yours- including the growth. Explain you didn't have the luxury to spend "free" money as this is your earned money.
  • 20
    New-Art-7667 ΝΤΑ Next time she asks for money, tell him he will need to tell you about it. When she asks, monitor her socials for a few days and show him the proof.
  • 21
    Then if you are right, tell him his sister needs to stop and he needs to develop a backbone to say no.
  • 22
    Tiny Incident_2876 Just must sure you have a separate account from your husband, i believe in a marriage their should be 3 accounts,the household account 2 husband has his account, and 3 your account ,it's works, as long he's taking
  • 23
    the money from his account why care
  • 24
    Stabbycrabs83 I earn or create all the money in our family. We are pretty comfortable but not rich. My mum who we are all close to needed to borrow money for 5 days to prove she had enough capital for a visa. 5 days and then return it.
  • 25
    I still sat down with my wife to run it by her. I could have easily hidden it but thats not how a partnership works. If you guys both work then you are funding this one way. or another.

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