Woman excuses her father's infidelity toward her mother, expects her mother's support when her fiancé does the same thing to her: ‘She shouldn't expect much’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Feb 3, 2025 8:00 PM EST

There's no real justification for infidelity. It takes two to tango, sure—but if one of the dance partners is in a committed relationship or marriage, they should know better than to start ballroom dancing with another woman. If the other woman is aware that their dance partner is involved with another, shame on them, too. Cheating can be avoided if people stop for a moment, think it through, and decide to end things before they indulge in selfish, harmful behavior. It never feels good being on the receiving end of infidelity, that's for sure. Now, the daughter in this story knows how her mother feels when she gets cheated on by her soon-to-be-husband. The daughter was making excuses for her cheating father, yet can't keep the same energy when it comes to her relationship. The sister, who narrates the story, tells her that she doesn't deserve her mother's sympathy because she refuses to empathize with her mother when she is cheated on. Scroll to read the whole story.

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    "In her words it was a long time ago, cheating happens, 'you can't stop love, and that everything worked out in the end.955
    via Getty Images

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    "AITAH For Telling My Sister She Doesn't Deserve Our Mom's Attention And Sympathy After Finding Out Her Fiancé Cheated?"

    I (26f) have a younger sister "Bayla" (23f) and we've had a tense relationship for the past ten years. Back when I was 6 and she was 3 our dad (47m) cheated on our mom (47f) which destroyed the family. My mom was working hard in med school and while also trying to parent me and my dad was the type of man who was resentful that my mom had the
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    audacity to find a way to continue school instead of dropping out and being a wife to him. Instead of talking to my mom, became passive aggressive, would try to sabotage, and eventually started his affair with my stepmom "Judy" (44f). Something my mom find out about after coming home and catching them in her bed.
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    Bayla and I were really young so my mom decided to not to tell us the truth and Judy used that to get in our good graces. I was always polite and but distance but Bayla was young enough for it to work and it wasn't long before she started calling Judy "mom," which really ticked off my
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    mom but Judy and my dad loved it. I found out the truth when I was 10 and became a lot more cold and angry whenever I had to good to my dad's place. My mom tried to put me into therapy but Judy and my paternal grandma didn't think it was needed so my dad wouldn't consent to it which my mom had to take him to court over.
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    When Bayla was 13 she started getting on me about refusing to want to do anything with Judy for Mother's Day as well as not helping convince our mom to share the day with Judy since they were both our moms, and I snapped and told her the truth.
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    She didn't believe it at first but when Judy's brother confirmed it she did sulk about it for about a week but then went back to being loving towards Judy. In her words "it was a long time ago," "cheating happens," "you can't stop love," and "that everything worked out in the end."
    via Inevitable_Card_9507

  • Justifying infidelity is easy when it works in your favor. Whether you are the cheater, you like the cheater, or hate the person they cheated on, it's all the same. You are benefitting from the infidelity in some way (or benefitting from rationalizing it,) so of course the daughter would make these excuses for her father. The mother didn't deserve what her husband did to her, and soon, you'll see that the daughter's fiancé follows in her father's footsteps. Did she deserve it? Of course not. Does she deserve her mother's sympathy? I don't think so.

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    Cheezburger Image 10462371328
    via Hatice Baran

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    She said that frequently to mom and started a campaign to try and force our mom to forgive dad and accept Judy. She actually said that she would be a bad mom if she hated our dad and Judy more than she could love her. To her credit my mom did try
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    but Judy was such a passive aggressive mean girl witch that mom just washed her hands of the situation. When it was time for Bayla's high school graduation she gave our mom and ultimatum, either sit next to Judy for the entire ceremony and pay for her and our dad's share
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    of the bill for dinner (my mom would going to pay for everyone else but them) or she won't be invited to her graduation at all. Our mom sat out the graduation and didn't attend the dinner. Judy made a post about how evil some mothers can be for not putting their child first which Bayla liked and shared, and mom took back the car she gave Bayla. It was still
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    in her name. Our mom still paid for Bayla's college tuition but she wouldn't pay for her room and board like she did more me and accused our mom of favoritism. After that Bayla and mom went VLC and that's how it's been for years.
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    Cheezburger Image 10462354688
    via Priscilla Du Preez

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    During this time Bayla met, dated, and got engaged to Ethan (26m). She did send mom an invited but I think that was just to get some money out of it, but unfortunately the engagement was off because Ethan ended up cheating and Bayla found this out
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    after going to the doctor and finding out she caught something from him. Bayla reached out to mom but she got was a "I'm sorry you're going through this" text. Bayla was furious, but I told her given how she treated our mom and dismissed what dad and Judy actions she shouldn't expect much. Bayla, my dad, Judy, and some paternal relatives are calling me an A but am I?
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    Artistic-Tough-77... NTA - the Forgiveness Bus is a ride set up by people who do awful things and don't want long term consequences.
    via Artistic-Tough-7764
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    LeoTheStrange In her words: "cheating happens" "you can't stop love" Think I would have harshly reminded her of those words. Your sister can go cry to the cheating dad for sympathy.
    via LeoTheStrange
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    You and your mom are definitely NTA's here. Ps. I think your mom is an absolute star for going through studies, raise kids and deal with a cheater plus the one he cheated with.
    via LeoTheStrange
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    Beneficial_Test_5... Dad and his relatives, and Bayla who's been brainwashed from an early age, think you're the bad one. Everyone else without a bias rightly thinks you are NTA. Stick with Mom in this whole mess.
    via Beneficial_Test_5917

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