Wife seeks advice as her ambiguous, unclear way of answering questions drives husband crazy: ‘I don’t give a non-answer. I give an answer. It just might not be yes/no’

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Etai Eshet • Editor
Feb 5, 2025 10:00 PM EST

Let me start with a confession and apology. we men can be a bit obsessed with oversimplifying things. We love our answers in neat little packages with a bow on top—preferably in the form of a clear "yes" or "no." I get it, we're simple creatures who like simple things, preferably with simple yet elaborate user manuals. Which are our favorite literary style. I get it, I'm sorry.

But women, bless your hearts, bring a whole new level of depth and complexity to conversations. It's charming really, like a delightful puzzle to unravel.

However, things can quickly turn into an adventure. You ask a food-related question and suddenly treated to an in-depth analysis of mood boards, meal preferences, nutritional values, and possibly even a brief history of cutlery by cuisine.

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  • "AITA for not giving straight yes/no responses to my husband’s questions?"

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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • You’re like, “Uh, just a yes or no would do here.” But you can’t help but appreciate the thoughtfulness of it all.

    As time goes on, you find yourself on a treasure hunt for clarity. The answers are like layers of an onion, each one revealing more complexity and nuance. You’re not trying to be unsympathetic, it’s just that sometimes, in the midst of all this richness, a straightforward answer would be a dream come true

  • I don't give a non answer. I give an answer. It just might not be yes/no. It drives my husband nuts. He gets annoyed and I feel like he's overreacting. Here are some examples:
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  • Honestly, I’m kinda starting to lose it here. I mean, seriously, what does some of these answers even mean? It feels like every simple question turns into a calculus problem. I’m not trying to solve world hunger, I’m trying to solve your hunger!

  • "Do you want butter and honey on your toast?" "I want butter and jam"
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  • "Did you want to see a movie tonight?" "I feel like staying in"
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  • And yet, I’m drowning in a sea of context, explanations, and tangents. How is the answer to a question an equation? Can I please just have a plain 2-3 words without needing a flowchart to understand them?

  • Keep it simple ladies, or, say it, really, really, sloooow

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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "Is that bill paid for?" "I actually need to go back and look at that because they sent the wrong amount"
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  • "Did you talk to X about Y?" "He didn't call me yet"
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  • Are my types of answers really that bad? Why does he get so annoyed with these answers? (Feel free to convince me to be more sympathetic and change my
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  • answers; I just kind of think he's being overreactive when I am clearly not avoiding the question. It's like he wants an exact answer to the question.
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  • Simple and detailed answers please, the only way to keep us engaged

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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • EDIT/UPDATE: A lot of people saying I do this intentionally and maliciously. I don't. It's a habit of how I talk and answer questions. I am aware it annoys him and I do
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  • try to adjust but I don't always because, again, it's a habit of talking. It can be difficult to change the way you communicate. It takes time. He also explains why it annoys him
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  • (unclear answers, sometimes ambiguous, he has a lot of vagueness at work and would just like some straightforwardness at home, sometimes lack of clarity scares him like wondering if I
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  • can't be more direct with important situations). I understand all this and am sympathetic and do try to adjust. It just feels like a little much when he gets annoyed at something that I don't see at that big of a deal.
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  • Fancy-Association I don't have a judgement here, but I'd like to point out that all your examples are when you are answering 'no' without actually saying 'no'.
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  • I can see how that would feel evasive to your husband, and for you, maybe something to consider about yourself - why can't you say the word 'no' to your husband?
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  • "I feel like staying in" could mean, "No, I feel like staying in." Or "I feel like staying in but we said we'd go so let's go" or "I feel like staying in but I don't want to tell you no, I'm hoping you will just decide you also want to stay in so I'm not the bad guy"
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  • Saying "no, I feel like staying in" is just as easy and much clearer. You say you're not avoiding the question, but you do seem to (maybe subconsciously) be avoiding giving a direct and clear negative answer by giving one that could be up for interpretation.
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  • Argorian17 YTA You'd drive me crazy too and it seems to be on purpose, as you know he doesn't like that. Is adding one word so hard? Add a clear yes or no before each of your example, and problem solved.
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  • Confidence Routine996 YTA mostly, but not in all cases. In most cases you're refusing to give a one word factual answer that's not up to interpretation. Not much to ask. Answering a question about food with what you DO want leaves no interpretation. That's fine.
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  • MarvinPA83 As someone who has reached the point when asking his girlfriend a question, "this question requires a yes or no answer do not say anything else" I rather tend to sympathise with your husband.
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  • Big_Falcon89 NTA. I'm a guy, and I have no idea why he'd get upset over that. You're giving more information that helps him. It's ludicrous.
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  • tealcandtrip YTA. You aren't answering his questions and forcing him to make assumptions/ interpretations that might be wrong. All you are doing is adding making an easy conversation hard.
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  • "Did you want to see a movie tonight?" "I feel like staying in" That's not an answer. Do you want to stream a movie instead? Do you want to watch anything while staying in? What do you want him to do with that information?
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  • No-Definition-7737 YTA. You know what he's asking and you know it bothers him but you won't give him a clear answer. Your responses aren't answers. They are tidbits of info forcing him to pull the answer out of you by asking more questions. It shouldn't be that hard to answer him, why won't you?
    via No-Definition-7737
  • Forward Ad_7988 well, I wouldn't be able to be in any kind of relationship with you, because I would've lost my mind and just ran away * how does 'I feel like staying in' answer the question if you want to watch a movie or not, as you can do that at home as well.
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  • if you need to go back and look at the bill it means that it hasn't been paid yet? if so, why is it so hard to give that info? why would the fact that X didn't call you answer the question about whether the two of you discussed a certain topic? you could've called him...
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  • anyway, no judgement from me if that's the way you've always communicated. I mean, your husband was aware of it all along and obviously decided that it isn't as big of a deal to him, as the two of you are married, so no point in being all annoyed now
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